Women: Understanding the Stresses of Separation and How to Deal with It
single mothers live in a pattern
Women, single or married, who have a greater self-respect generally, experience significantly less stress due to the fact that they have the inclination to view stressful scenarios in life as usual and small troubles that they can effortlessly master.
Most single mothers live in a pattern. They wake up, go to work, come home, care for her kids, and sleep. Sometimes, they don’t sleep at all. This leaves them exhausted to the point that they neglect their own needs.
Single mothers who experienced losses are also prone to developing emotional instability. The abandonment or death of a husband causes changes on her perception and behavior. These women experience interchanging feelings of loneliness, depression, anger, guilt, shame and other negativities. And if these are left unnoticed can lead to serious problems
It’s All About Self-Esteem
A woman’s self-esteem, especially single mothers, is a vital aspect of her capability to conquer physical and emotional tension. There is a connection involving reduced self-esteem and degeneration of health with regard to stress. Women who have a greater self-esteem typically have significantly less stress because they have the tendency to look at stressful situations in life as typical and little problems that they can easily conquer. It is also essential to know that a woman with low self-esteem will encounter higher levels of depression and react a lot more detrimentally to emotional and physical stress.
Turning to your friends and family plays a big role in coping with your situation. When you are having a depression, reaching out may prove to be difficult. And at times, you’d feel too exhausted to talk, ashamed of your situation or being guilty for disregarding the relationship. Remember that this is just your depression speaking. And isolation can only worsen your feelings of sadness. So, tell yourself that your family and friends care for you and are there to help you overcome this struggle. You can create a great support system by putting your trust in your loved ones. Exert effort in keeping up with the happenings around you, even if you are not up to it. Aside from them, you can join support groups in your community or online. Being with other people will significantly decrease your feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Standing Strong As A Single Parent
Being a single mother is tiresome and can give the wrong impression to people. For example, when a mother gets stuck in traffic and gets late fetching her child, most probably, the teacher or other parents will agree that she had been somewhere inconspicuous. Sometimes, new acquaintances will assume that single mothers are out to steal their husbands, which is an unfair type of stereotyping. Single mothers are, also, frequently questioned by their ability to raise their children properly. Before things get worse, certain methods and ways can be applied in order to minimize, if not stop, the wrong way of life that the children could follow.
a single motherhood is tiresome
Unlike in some countries, the United States of America has a high rate of divorce and single parenthood. In other countries, like the Philippines, there is no divorce, but, annulment and legal separation only. Legal separation entails that the couple is still married, but, lives in different houses. Annulment, on the other hand, this legally separates the couple as if their marriage had never happened. This type of separation makes any children sired during the married years illegitimate, plus, it takes years to process and would need a strong and valid reason. Meanwhile, divorce is a legal termination which has less strict rules than annulment.
Available Options and Contact Information For Further Assistance
If family and friends are not enough, professionals are ready to assist. Keep in mind that the government of the United States of America and Non-Government Organizations provide emotional and psychological assistance to single parents and their families. The National Parent Helpline (www.nationalparenthelpline.org) is operated by Parents Anonymous® Inc., which can be contacted at 1-855-427-2736 for emotional support, and help, of being a parent, and, for advices and strategies in order to maintain family happiness and strength. Their hotline is open Monday to Friday from 10:00 AM PST to 7:00 PM PST. For families already having trouble with children’s behavior, the Non-Government Organization “Because I Love You” (BILY) helps parents deal with children having problems like delinquency, drugs, problematic friends, school problems, and others. This Non-Government Organization can be contacted at their phone 818-884-8242, or, at their website bily.org.
Formerly known as the Brooklyn Women’s Shelter, the HELP Women’s Center accommodates single homeless women ages 18 and older. The center helps women look for permanent housing and plan for their future. On top of that, medical and psychiatric services are also rendered. The HELP Women’s Center is situated at 116 Williams Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11207, and, can be contacted at (718) 483-7700 (phone) or at (718) 240-9195 (fax). Another transitional housing is the HELP Bronx Morris Avenue. This housing facility is found at 285 East 171st Street, Bronx, NY 10457. Most of the families living in this facility are headed by single mothers. Medical, dental, and mental health services are some of the assistance rendered to families. There are also GED classes, a daycare or early childhood education, after school programs, and mentoring of children. This housing can be contacted at (718) 583-0174 (phone) or at (718) 583-9085 (fax). The HELP New Horizons is another transitional house and can be contacted at (347) 381-6200. More information can be found at www.helpusa.org.
For therapeutic and counseling services for families struggling for life’s challenges to which will help heal, fix problems, find solutions and grow stronger, visit counseling corner inc. in their parent’s cornerat http://www.counselingcorner.net/parents/divorce.html to where it will help you how to help your children cope up to divorce. You may also call them at 407.644.5437 (KIDS)
407.843.4968 (Adults and Couples), fax: 407-447-4543, reach them via e-mail at or visit their primary location at 1630 Hillcrest Street
Orlando , FL 32803.
Accepting Single Parenthood For All Its Ups and Downs
factors to love being a single mom
For a single mom, becoming a mother is like the two sides of a coin, while you have the wonders and the happiness of being around with your kid, the issues and the pressure associated with it, cannot be lined out as well. Whether being a single mom is by option or because of getting separated, it is very difficult to be a both the mother and father. Keep in mind, a kid needs love, health care, attention, and appreciation from both the mother and father. If you are a single mom, you alone have to bear the liabilities of both a mother and a father. Single parenthood does not make you less delightful. It just indicates that you have more obligations than before. All you need to do is to be great and knows how to understand and deal with the severe facts of lifestyle with poise, you can perform both the tasks just completely - just have complete trust and perception in yourself. There are factors to love being a single mom, we all know that it’s one of the challenging tasks on earth but, concentrate on the good and while you’re at it, you should take a laugh. Nobody select this direction, but while on the situation, let’s just recognize the advantages.
The choices are all your own, you’re the boss!
There is no one to challenge your energy, you are basically the person in charge of your home and what you say always goes. You do not have to seek advice from anybody about being a parent, your policies, and educational options. There is also no chance that stress can strike when views vary and no need to admit you were wrong on something you strongly feel for the benefit of peace. There’s no other grown person in the family to think about in with his/her views or try to reason out or justify matters with you. Self-centered, yes; but still, it is completely amazing.
Alone time for yourself and your kids
You can value your time alone some time to use it sensibly, based on what your needs are. You can use your time just for you including the time you will spend together with friends. You can also make sure that you put your time in excellent use that will allow you to be a better mom to your kids when you will be out together without being distracted by someone because adding someone to the works in any situation indicates more people who need interest and time, having less time with others indicates that you have more time to invest with your kids and you get their interest and time in return without having to discuss with anyone else.
Your kids will get to know you better
This is true especially as they get mature, there is nobody else for you to discuss to, so you discuss to them. Without burdening them with your problems, you do usually discuss more of your day to day things, which will gets them referring to theirs. Your connections with your kids are extreme and in-depth, with regards to time invested together. When you are with them, it’s just you and them, which will led to an amazingly powerful connection and the sense of recognition for them.
House chores are distributed between you and the kids, not with your partner
raising kids within marriage
First of all, you can use your fear-provoking voice and make the kids clean the dishes, which probably you would not perform to your partner. On the other hand, there is no possible anger at a partner who might not be getting his weight in some ways because it’s all on you and the kids and that there is nobody to help you and you will not get upset and exacerbated because that person who ought to be assisting you is unaware to the disorder around them. You get a lot more done totally alone than when you keep on counting on help that should appear but does not. Also, by definitely enjoying house cleaning, your kids understand their liabilities inside the house and what it really means to each of the family members. In the meantime, you get to endeavor to pay attention to your children when you are together, simply having fun. When you invest a while together, they were your focus!
Oftentimes, being a single parent is much easier and more pleasant than raising kids within marriage, even when it was excellent, there have even some advantages for you and your kids, too. Here are some of the resources that will help you being a single mom.
For a space where you can make connections with the right professionals and experts, visit Today’s Single Mom at http://todayssinglemom.com/ or visit them at 2060-D E. Avenida De Los Arboles Suite 213 Thousand Oaks. California 91362, call them at (805) 244-6927 and e-mail at
For efficient, current information associated with a wide range of parenting topics that includes positive parenting, nurturing family, healthy and safety, growth and development and parenting tips, visit One Tough Job.org at http://www.onetoughjob.org/
For a non profit organization that is dedicated to helping moms find friendship and support within their own local communities that also offers discussion forums ranging from anything like childbearing, kid friendly activities, mom-only activities, local the charitable events to support moms, children, and families within your local area, visit http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/index.shtml
For the official site of the National Organization of Single Mothers, Inc that offers single mothers all over the nation support and encouragement to which you will be able to find answers to your single parent concerns, visit http://www.singlemothers.org/
Assistance for Single Mothers Dealing with Self-respect
Single mothers juggle problems
Single mothers juggle problems 24/7 and it will ultimately have an effect on how she views herself and other people. Most single mothers loose their self-esteem and self-respect because of the challenges bought by raising a family. Self-respect is having appreciation, pride and assurance in you. You have to have a good amount of respect for yourself to obtain the respect from others.
A woman’s self-respect, particularly single moms, is a very important element of her ability to overcome physical and emotional pressure. There is an apparent relationship concerning decreased self-esteem and the deterioration of health connected to stress.
Women, single or married, who have a greater self-respect generally, experience significantly less stress due to the fact that they have the inclination to view stressful scenarios in life as usual and small troubles that they can effortlessly master.
Why Self-respect is Important in Employment?
If you are an individual who has self-respect then you do not search for reliance on other people if you are either employed or self-employed. Your income may be small but you have good satisfaction in yourself and you know that you are absolutely self-sufficient. You are self-confident and are capable of doing things on your own in your own way.
Those who are jobless for a significant amount of time are very much limited of self-respect. They get each and every job possibility that they come across. Money shouldn’t be the motivation; it should be self-respect. Having a job gives people a feeling of their duty, freedom and it also offers an opportunity to show their reliability and capacity in the job that they do.
Signs of Low Self-respect
Self-respect is impossible without self-confidence. If you have minimal self-respect, your self confidence is most likely to suffer as well. Nowadays, we have to be more knowledgeable in getting a balanced amount of self-respect so we can feel great about our own selves and produce a much more optimistic perspective that can support in getting through the problems in life.
- If you disregard respect and courtesy when interacting with other individuals then it is a sign of poor self-respect. If you yourself have completely neglected these fundamental attributes in respecting other people, you will surely have a hard time in gaining respect.
- Letting other people step on you. One apparent indication of having low self-respect is enduring other people in dealing with you badly.
- Not adhering to your own values and ideals. A person without having self-respect is someone without a backbone. If you do not determine your unique principles and beliefs, it is like not owning individuality.
- Placing yourself into dangerous circumstances. A person with self-respect is aware on how to behave properly when confronted with scenarios and decisions that may lead to injury.
- Not taking proper care of your health. An additional indication of having low self-respect is having a complete neglect for your own well-being. If you don’t take care of your own health, and don’t make efforts in fundamental grooming, then other people will discover how little self respect you have.
- An individual who does not know him or her self the inside out will proceed to have life like somebody who is lost and bewildered.
Steps on How to Gain Self-Respect
developing self respect
The most crucial move in developing self respect is merely to take action. Work on a particular task and get it done successfully. Just thinking about it will not make your situation any better. Be conscious and stay present and attentive to your surroundings. This will assist you in stopping to over think and just do whatever you need to get do. This is almost certainly the most effective tip for everyone who wants to gain self-respect. You should take measures simply because will help you leave your current situation and make you feel significantly less emotional. Connect with the current moment to maintain your concentration.
Face your fears and you have to keep in mind that fear is often based on wrong interpretation on situations. We usually find unfavorable and unhelpful patterns in our life centered on one or two experiences. A more beneficial practice is not taking your thoughts too severely. Recognize that failing is not the end of the world. The key here is to look at disappointment from being something that makes you feel bad to something helpful and significant for the development of your self confidence and self respect.
However, before gaining self respect, you should improve your self esteem first. Single moms will always strive to get the best for their kids and so there are a wide range of agencies that can assist them do just that. Follow this link for supplemental details (http://www.familyandhome.org).
Tips on How to Get-over Helplessness and Hopelessness for Single Mother
being a mother and a father
Being a single mother is a struggle. She takes both the responsibility of being a mother and a father to her children. She needs to work and provide for their basic needs, while nurturing them physically, mentally and emotionally. All these tasks put a load on the shoulders of a single mom, a load so heavy that her knees buckle and she falls down on an endless spiral. She finds it difficult to stand up again and regain control. And at times, she loses hope of recovering from her fall.
What is the meaning of Helplessness and Hopelessness?
Helplessness means as the inability to accomplish something. It is the condition in which a person is person is incapable of performing an expected task or duty. Being helpless brings about feelings of frustration, anger, guilt, and shame. It changes a person’s perception of himself and his surroundings. On the other hand, hopelessness is the sadness or despair that you feel when you lose hope. You perceive your situation as something that is unsolvable, that there is no solution to your problems. Helplessness paired with hopelessness can lead to serious conditions that involve self-esteem issues, depression, substance abuse, and even suicide.
What causes single mothers to feel helpless and hopeless?
Several factors precipitate a single mother to develop feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. One example is the loss of a husband. Whether it is due to death or abandonment, losing a husband is very devastating. It makes a woman feel alone, cast-out, ashamed, and unloved. In addition, she now takes the sole responsibility of raising her children. She works double shifts, overtime, and even part-time jobs just to sustain her family’s needs. However, she finds that even with her hard work, it is still not enough. Being a mother is hard. Even with a husband or a partner, raising your children is a challenge. Imagine how hard it is if you are alone. A child needs constant care and guidance. But with her working most of the time, she is unable to properly guide her children, which results in them acting out and misbehaving. The failure to control her children leaves her frustrated and helpless.
She now then feels hopeless with all the responsibility that she is failing to do. She asks if there is a way out of her situation. Is this how it’s always going to be? She sees the future as bleak and hopeless.
How to know if you exhibiting helplessness and hopelessness?
A single mother who is feeling helpless and hopeless manifests a variety of signs and symptoms involving the physical, emotional and mental aspect. They are often associated with depression and include changes in sleeping patterns, changes in appetite, a decreased performance at work, and decreased motivation to do tasks. She can exhibit physical symptoms such as headache, but with no apparent cause or reason. She may also develop a dependency on alcohol, cigarette and even drugs. Often times, she withdrew herself from society and avoids her family and friends. And if these feelings continue to dominate, it may lead her to do drastic measures such as suicide.
Ways to conquer the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness?
Overcoming helplessness is not an easy thing to do. It needs time, energy, and motivation. The following are tips in order for you to get-over these negative emotions.
- Communicate with others – Most single mothers who are feeling helpless stay away from the company of others. They are cooped up in their homes and contemplate on their problems on their own. They don’t realize that in doing so, they only add to their feelings of helplessness. Opening up to someone can immensely help alleviate these feelings. Talk to family member about your thoughts and emotions. Do not be scared of being judged or criticized. Reaching out to people can be an ordeal especially if you have an instinct not to do so. However, exerting effort to communicate will yield good results.
- Ask for help from friends and family – Your friends and families care for you and support you. They are always willing to lend a hand whenever you are in need of one. So, do not hesitate to approach them and ask for help – doing everything by yourself only leads to frustration and helplessness.
- Give yourself a break – Don’t be hard on yourself. Know that being a single mother is no easy task. When you are unable to do one thing, don’t focus on that failure. Ask for advice or help from your friends. Together, you can finish the tasks that need to be done.
- Get organized – Plan how you go through your day. Prioritize your responsibilities and formulate a schedule for the activities that you want done. Maximize your time and don’t waste any of it. By doing so, you ensure that you can do the tasks that you set out to do.
- Fight off negative thoughts –Refrain from thinking that you can’t do anything. Find motivation and inspiration from the people that surround you. Being positive is contagious so, socialize with people who think positively. Furthermore, stop stressing about the future. Focus on the here and now. Remember, what happens tomorrow depends on what you did today. Thinking negatively can only add to your feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
- Have a healthy lifestyle – Taking care of yourself is a must if you wish to fight-off negative feelings – eat a balanced diet, have enough rest and exercise regularly. Eating the right foods not only gives you energy, but it can also affect your mood. Eating food with antioxidants (such as chocolates) can increase your mood. On the other hand, exhaustion and sleeplessness causes you to see things differently from what they truly are. So, having a good night’s sleep is important.
Lastly, exercise can also affect your mood. It causes your body to release hormones that makes you happy. Having a happy outlook can counter helplessness and hopelessness.
Single Mothers: Guilt, Anger, and Resentment to Others
single motherhood emotions
Single mothers are always subjected to too much speculation and gossips. Sometimes, they are avoided, because even with the society’s modern and liberal views, single motherhood is still not fully accepted and is considered as a taboo. They are made examples tochildren, portrayed as someone who will never be successful in life, and, will be forever doomed to misery. Now, are you still confused as why most single mothers tend to be hotheaded and negative in life?
Why They Feel Such Emotions
Before passing any judgment, the public should first understand the reason most single mothers are almost always angry. First, they are angry with themselves for falling to such circumstances, and, they feel guilty to their parents for failing them, and, to their children for bringing them into the world with such harsh condition. It cannot be denied that most single mothers were not able to finish school (high school or college), and, sometimes, have been denounced and left alone. Having no parents to help them, no decent work to support herself and the baby, and, being scorned by the society, they have learned to hate and resent themselves, the people, and the world. If, you are a single mother and you are wallowing in pity and anger – STOP. Do not let the world crush you further. Get up. It is no longer just you. You now have a child to raise and guide into this world. Always remember, that the children did not wish to be born in this world. It is unfair to hate them.
Empower Yourself: Get Scholarships and Grants
It cannot be denied that proper education can give single mothers a better chance to find jobs with good pay to support her family. Thus, it is highly gratifying that the government and many non-government organizations have set up several scholarship programs and grants in order to aid single mothers finish their schooling. The WISP or Women’s Independence Scholarship Program believes in such advocacy. They believe that education is a powerful tool that brings about opportunities to everyone. WISP supports both full-time and part-time students attending state supported community colleges, colleges, universities, vocational/technical schools, private schools, and profit schools. They can be contacted at (910) 397-7742 (phone) and (910) 397-0023 (fax). Their office is situated at 4900 Randall Parkway, Suite H, Wilmington, NC 28403.
Helping single parents attain self-sufficiency through post-secondary education is the advocacy of the Arkansas Single Parent Scholarship Fund. Most of their county has its own different rules and regulations for each scholarship. However, as a general rule, the applicant must be a single head of a household, and, must have custody of at least one dependent child. Also, the applicant must also be a recipient of or applying for a Pell Grant or other federal financial aid. For more information on the qualifications for scholarshipsona specific county, visit the website http://www.aspsf.org/students_spscholarships.html, or, contact the office of the county you are residing. The office in Montgomery County can be contacted at (870) 867-2326 (phone) and at (870) 867-4088. The Conway office can be reached at (501)354-2418, while, (870)391-3129 and (870) 391-3501. You may also approach a government office and inquire for the contact number of the office in your county. Live your life. Seize your destiny and move.
Help Yourself: Avail Housing and Assistance Programs
Avail Housing and Assistance Programs
The government of the United States of America is funding various assistance programs for low income families and single mothers. One of these assistance programs is the Medicaid. Medicaid is a state system of health insurance for families and individuals who needs financial assistance. They offer low cost, if not free, medical assistance to children and families. Boston’s regional office is at John F. Kennedy Federal Building, Boston, MA 02203, and, can be contacted at 617-565-1230. The office in New York is located at Jacob K. Javits Federal Building, 26 Federal Plaza – Room 3835, New York, NY 10278, and, can be contacted at 212-616-2400. The office in Kansas City is at 601 East 12th Street, Room S1801, Kansas City, MO 64106, and can be called at their number 816-426-5925. Denver office can be reached at 303-844-2111, while, the office in Seattle can be contacted at 206-615-2515. More information about Medicaid is found at http://medicaid.gov/.
If, you have a flare for business, the Small Business Innovative Research (SBIR) or Small Business Technology Transfer (SBTR) is a government program which encourages domestic small business to engage at the Federal Research / Research and Development, which may have potential to be reproduced and sold. There are eleven government departments that participate in this project, such as agriculture, education, transportation, energy, and, health and human services. More information can be found at www.sbir.gov. It is the US Small Business Administration that coordinates all the Small Business Innovative Research programs. They can be contacted at (202) 205-6450, or, can be visited at 409 Third Street, SW, Washington, DC 20416.
Formerly known as the Brooklyn Women’s Shelter, the HELP Women’s Center accommodates single homeless women ages 18 and older. The center helps women look for permanent housing and plan for their future. On top of that, medical and psychiatric services are also rendered. The HELP Women’s Center is situated at 116 Williams Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11207, and, can be contacted at (718) 483-7700 (phone) or at (718) 240-9195 (fax). Another transitional housing is the HELP Bronx Morris Avenue. This housing facility is found at 285 East 171st Street, Bronx, NY 10457. Most of the families living in this facility are headed by single mothers. Medical, dental, and mental health services are some of the assistance rendered to families. There are also GED classes, a daycare or early childhood education, after school programs, and mentoring of children. This housing can be contacted at (718) 583-0174 (phone) or at (718) 583-9085 (fax). The HELP New Horizons is another transitional house and can be contacted at (347) 381-6200. More information can be found at www.helpusa.org.
How to Strengthen Single Mother-Daughter Relationships
raising daughter alone
As a single mom, there are many difficulties and challenges that may come when raising daughter alone. If there is no dad-image they see, it is more challenging for a single mom to present optimistic male role models to make their daughters to grow well-formed and to become women with healthy relationships with others. For all we know, mother and daughter relationships is a never-ending one unlike mother and son relationships because a son will be a son until he gets a spouse but a daughter will constantly be a daughter for the rest of her life. A mother-daughter relationship can be each other’s best friend, companion and more. By some means, there are positives and negatives for being a single mom to her girls but here are some ways to build up a single mother-daughter relationship.
Female bonding
In an all-female family group, there can be lots of chances to have female bonding. This can be a very fulfilling aspect of being a single mom, being friends and that mother-daughter connection can be very satisfying. If you start young, talking and frequent bonding can be a regular part of your routine and can build better relationship with your daughter. It is also important for you as a mom to listen to what they say, as much as possible, try to avoid reckoning when they start opening up to you; the more open you are in listening, the more they will be confident in opening up. If your daughter starts to consider that they can talk to you just about everything, they will be more self-assured in talking about the things that really matters.
Building self-confidence
One of the many difficulties a single mother face is having low confidence. This can be caused by the conditions that led you to become a single mom to have failed relationship. As a mom, it is your job to demonstrate self confidence. It is important to feel confident and capable of doing things; do whatever you need to do to develop your own self confidence so that you can illustrate this strength to your daughters; they need it! If you don’t have the ability to become more independent, try to learn them and teach what you have learned to your daughter. Similarly, teach yourself the skills and the responsibilities of a man, show your kids that women can also adjust or manage household repairs; it can be quite strengthening to know and show your daughter you don’t need a man to take these factors.
Affairs and dating
As a single mom of girls, it is essential to exhibit healthy relationships when dating. As much as possible, show your daughter what a good relationship looks like, do not settle for less than what you rightfully deserve in a relationship. This is very important because your kids are laying their eyes on you and by means of this; you are showing them the rules. If you are dating someone who makes you worry or sometimes stresses you and doesn’t contact you when he is expected to, tell your daughter that this types of actions are okay but you must be very careful about this.
Setting Boundaries
strengthening your relationship
When strengthening your relationship with your daughter as a single mom, you should make sure that you keep clear limitations. As essential as it is to make up with them and do that “girl” factors with them, but you should keep in mind that you are still a mom, you will never be as equal as them and at the end of the day, you are still the mom. It is undeniable that keeping these limitations sometimes is difficult. You may want them to spend time with you but you should be the one to guide them into adulthood. Keeping communication open and respecting the mother-daughter boundary also necessary.
Recognizing rewards
Raising not only daughter as a single parent is indisputably challenging. Some days will be tougher and there will be times you might long for happy relationship; but learn by heart, there is always good with the bad and no bad day continues permanently. But the most important factor is to make sure that your daughter always knows that you love them. Let them know that although you may be disappointed with their actions, you still love them and want to see them. You may not feel being valued now but always keep in mind that you are having that positive effect, and later in the future, your daughter will respect you for all that you have achieved and done for them on your own.
To seek for help on how to strengthen your relationship as a single mother, the following links and information might be a great help for you.
For mothers and daughters to play a part in fun, encouraging and inspiring activities as well as open conversation, please call 284-4338 if you are interested in being a part of such groups in the future! Or visit Ophelia’s Place a Community for Girls at Haugland Building at 1577 Pearl St. #100, Eugene, OR 97401 or e-mail them at , you can also give them a call in this phone number: 541-284-4333 and fax number: 541-284-4332
For finding a supportive environment where single parent can find support in strengthening parenting skills through counselling, visit http://www.cfspeoria.org/singleparentprogram or visit them in their locations:
Main office:
330 SW Washington St.
Peoria, IL 61602
Phone: 309-676-2400
Fax: 309-676-6037 (3rd floor)
Fax: 309-676-6022 (2nd floor)
E-mails:
Outreach Office:
Forrest Hill United Methodist Church
706 E. Forrest Hill Avenue
Peoria, IL 61603
Phone: 309-682-4621
Fax: 309-682-7351
E-mail:
Pekin Office:
First United Methodist Church
1315 Court Street
Pekin , IL 61554
Phone: 309-346-5890
For online life coaching and training for mother-daughter problems, for solutions for issues and relationship problems and many more, visit http://www.soulwork.net/sw_articles_eng/mother_daughter.htm or e-mail them at for more information.
Assistance for Mothers with Children Born out of Wedlock
emotional ties involving children and parents
Nowadays, the birth rate of children born out of wedlock is soaring uncontrollably. Much of the rise in out of wedlock births has transpired among parents who are dwelling together but are still not married. These types of agreements have a tendency to be less secure compared to marriages, according to the results of some studies.
Apparently, this phenomenon does not only occur in the United States. Recent reports show that unmarried births are also increasing in much of the developing countries such as in Iceland where sixty-six percent of children are delivered by unmarried mothers and in Sweden, fifty-five percent. But specialists say the increases in the United States of America are of much greater worry for the reason that partners in several other countries have a tendency to be a lot more stable and government assistance for the children is usually higher. Youngsters born out of wedlock in the United States are inclined to have poorer health and academic opportunities compared to those who are born to married women.
Experts theorize that marriage strengthens the monetary and emotional ties involving children and parents. But considering that familial discrepancies is generally detrimental to children, they may be much better off with mothers who never marry than with those who do but the union is eventually ruined.
Are Children born to Unmarried Mothers becoming a Norm?
Unmarried mothers have developed to be the usual and are no longer looked down upon by society. According to some studies, more than fifty percent of the children born to women under thirty were children out of wedlock.
Based on a number of researches, the more educated a woman is, the more likely she is to marry before having any children. Having children outside of wedlock is a pattern that is most powerfully influencing young adults who are currently at a financial drawback. This indicates that its effect is seriously tangled within a variety of other complications. If we go further this direction, a lot more single mothers will discover themselves and their kids existing without the stableness and stability that allows them to develop a content family life.
What to Do?
If a single mother discovers that the father of her child is not equipped to assist her and the child then she can approach the Child Welfare Society, which has offices all over the country. Or they can also approach the local magistrate’s court maintenance officer for support. More information about the USA’s Social Welfare can be found through this link (http://www.welfareinfo.org/). Additional details about child support can be seen in the given website (http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Parents-Support.shtml).
The Legalities: Duties of the Mother
mother of the child born out of wedlock
An unmarried mother has a definite legal relationship with her child because there won’t be any doubt if the child is really hers. A kid delivered out of wedlock will take his or her domicile from the mother. Generally, an unmarried mother will get both authorized guardianship and custody, except in cases where she is a minor. If that is the case, the single mother cannot become the legal guardian of the child. In that example, the mother’s lawful guardian will become the legal caregiver of the child right until the mother comes of age.
The mother of the child born out of wedlock is permitted to have the custody of her child even she is still underage. If is proven that she is unsuitable to have custody because she was unable to give the appropriate attention for her child, then the kid will be taken from her and placed in an alternate legal care.
When does a Child Become Legitimate?
- A child born after marriage.
- A child conceived in marriage, but born following the husband’s passing.
- A child born to unmarried mother and father who gets married eventually.
- A child born to parents who get divorced afterwards.
- A child born to parents who were wedded to other individuals but who divorced to get married to each other.
- A child of a voidable marriage. That is a marriage that turns out to be void if both the husband and the wife acquires a court order.
Getting Financial Help from the Father
If the mother wishes for financial assistance from the father, she should hire an attorney to make a written agreement for signature by the father. Alternatively, she can obtain a court order stating that the father should provide financial support for their kid. A private settlement involving the mother and father, where the father confirms to help the child, can be required by the courts like any other agreement, if both parties planned it to be lawfully executed.
A single woman who has a child can present an application to the maintenance officer at a magistrate’s court for a maintenance order demanding the father to assist in supporting the child financially. Typically, a maintenance order continues until the child grows to the age of eighteen or he or she will become self-supporting.
If the kid is still not self-supporting even after reaching the age of maturity due to some form of a disability, the father must continue the maintenance support if the child applies for a new order. This link has the best lawyers for Child Support and Custody all over the USA (http://www.hg.org/law-firms/USA-Child-Support-and-Custody.html).
The Effects of Single Parenting:The Social Stigma of Being a Single Mother
Social Stigma of Being a Single Mother
Being a single parent is hard enough on its own. You have to be a constant source of discipline, education and fun for the child all at the same time. What makes it even harder for single parents is the social stigma of being a single mother that a lot of people in the society have. These negative social effects are either bought by the notion itself or the many qualities that most single mothers often share with each other.
The social stigma of being a single mother is often been the focus of much interest of the media nowadays, and it doesn’t really help the cause of single mothers as these mothers are being shown in a bad light which can even fuel the misconceptions people have with them. Here are several social misconceptions that society has on single mothers and the various effects that they bring.
Social Misconceptions
Most people in society often have the nagging tendency to make their own conclusions about another person without fully understanding their plight. The social stigma of being a single mother includes disparaging remarks that the single mother is hard to get along with (based on the reason that the husband left her). There are even cases in which the people makes horrible remarks about the single mother that are usually remarks like she is on drugs, she is an alcoholic and worse, she is promiscuous. It doesn’t even help that society thinks of women as weak and fragile beings compared to their male counterparts. This prevents them from enjoying such opportunities like a job, a loan grant and even a scholarship.
Despite of the social stigma of being a single mother, it cannot be denied that a lot of these mothers are in circumstances not of their choosing. Perhaps they decided on leaving their negligent husbands, or their dutiful partner died at a very young age and left no monetary support for the family, or they forced to engage in reckless sexual acts at a very young age. Single motherhood is not something that the mother willingly chose at most cases. The social stigma of a being single mother has only bought about several harmful effects to the mother and their child.
Resentment, Depression and Guilt
Since the social stigma of being a single mother is preventing them from enjoying the greater opportunities in life, it can often drive a single mother into an unhealthy state of mind. Those mothers who are abandoned by their husbands often ask themselves why they are stuck with the greater responsibility of rearing the child. This leads them to resent the presence of the child and make them oblivious to the needs of the child. This negligence even leads to unhealthy mental states for the child.
Another unhealthy mental state that is brought about by the social stigma of being a single mother is depression. This leads them to question as to why all of this is happening to them. Those who became unwilling single mothers are usually prone to this mental state as they are longing for the peace and comfort that they had prior to giving birth. Accompanied by the endless harassment and negative social image they have, depression often leaves a mother in a pitiful, if not suicidal, state.
The social stigma of being a single mother often brings guilt to the parent.Most parents of single mothers, unfortunately, have the tendency to harangue their children with such disparaging remarks like “why can’t you take care of your own?” or the annoyed “why don’t you just find a job?” There are even unhelpful remarks that some people make like “this is the last time” or “let this be a lesson to you” which can be very damaging to the mother’s confidence. These nagging remarks often bring the mother’s self-esteem down to very low levels, which makes them unproductive yet too ashamed to ask for help. It can even have an opposite effect of making the mother to rash and too proud to accept help even if they do need it.
Effects on the Child
mental state of children
The social stigma of being a single mother also affects the mental state of children. Since these children are often mocked of coming from a “broken home”, they usually develop an anti-social behavior which makes them difficult to work or relate with. This could even make them blame their mothers for their misfortunes which could put quite a strain on the parent-child relationship.
Children coming single parents also have a difficulty in their academics. Most of the cases often report that the children often have low self-esteem coming from the fact that they lack a strong parental figure to give them motivation. Poor finances can even contribute to their very low educational performance. Negative psychological effects can even manifest in the child in their teenage years through engaging in unwanted activities like smoking, drinking alcohol, and fighting.
Dealing with the Stigma
While there is little that can be done for the social stigma of being a single mother, the parent still has a great chance of successfully rearing their child and avoid the unwanted effects the stigma brings. The best thing that she can do is ignore all negative remarks, hold her head high and focus on rearing her child. If the single mother focuses on giving the best for their children, the negative psychological effects would not do much on her and she can be spared from an unhealthy state of mind.
The child can even be spared from the negative psychological effects, but much has to be done on the mother’s part. The mother must not stop on giving their child the encouragement they need and it is important that she has to live by example. Through this the child will become a fully-developed human being despite of the social stigma of being a single mother that their parent has.
Accepting Single Mom; Connect with Your Children
a kid needs love
Keep in mind, a kid needs love, health care, attention, and appreciation from both the mother and father. If you are a single mom, you alone have to bear the liabilities of both a mother and a father. A mother is like the two sides of a coin, while you have the wonders and the happiness of being around with your kid, the issues and the pressure associated with it, cannot be lined out as well. Whether being a single mom is by option or because of getting separated, it is very difficult to be a both the mother and father.
There are factors to love being a single mom, we all know that it’s one of the challenging tasks on earth but, concentrate on the good and while you’re at it, you should take a laugh. Nobody select this direction, but while on the situation, let’s just recognize the advantages.It just indicates that you have more obligations than before. All you need to do is to be great and knows how to understand and deal with the severe facts of lifestyle with poise, you can perform both the tasks just completely – just have complete trust and perception in yourself.
Be Your Strong You
You are basically the person in charge of your home and what you say always goes. You do not have to seek advice from anybody about being a parent, your policies, and educational options. There is also no chance that stress can strike when views vary and no need to admit you were wrong on something you strongly feel for the benefit of peace. There’s no other grown person in the family to think about in with his/her views or try to reason out or justify matters with you. Self-centered, yes; but still, it is completely amazing.
You can use your time just for you including the time you will spend together with friends. You can also make sure that you put your time in excellent use that will allow you to be a better mom to your kids when you will be out together without being distracted by someone because adding someone to the works in any situation indicates more people who need interest and time, having less time with others indicates that you have more time to invest with your kids and you get their interest and time in return without having to discuss with anyone else.
You Don’t Have To Be Super Woman, Get the Kids to Help
You get a lot more done totally alone than when you keep on counting on help that should appear but does not. Also, by definitely enjoying house cleaning, your kids understand their liabilities inside the house and what it really means to each of the family members. In the meantime, you get to endeavor to pay attention to your children when you are together, simply having fun. When you invest a while together, they were your focus! You can use your fear-provoking voice and make the kids clean the dishes, which probably you would not perform to your partner. On the other hand, there is no possible anger at a partner who might not be getting his weight in some ways because it’s all on you and the kids and that there is nobody to help you and you will not get upset and exacerbated because that person who ought to be assisting you is unaware to the disorder around them.
Assist Your Children by Proper Guidance
Children by Proper Guidance
At any age, children may feel not sure or upset at the possibilities of mom and dad breaking up. Many children and divorced parents mourn the loss in the type of household they had expected for that’s why it’s typical for some children to wish that their mother and father will at some point get back together even after the finality of separation and breakup has been told them. Mourning the loss in a household is regular, but over time both you and your children will come to take the new scenario. Assure them that it’s OK to wish that mom and dad will hook up, but also describe the finality of your choices. It will not be a smooth procedure, but these tips can help your children deal with your divorce.
Both mother and father need to make sure the kids will realize that both mom and dad will still be their parents, will act like parents, discipline them when needed, protect them from harm, follow constant rules, not trim on the kid for care but will offer care for the kid, and both will love the kid and will maintain the kid’s lifestyle even without the other parent.
Answer your kids’ questions no matter how distressing the subject is for you. It is never in the interest of the children to be told about information regarding court issues or financial issues about your separation and divorce.Not listening to your kid and not reacting to their questions often bring to the perception that their emotions don’t matter to you.
Get Help Today
For support groups and group counselling, visit Family and Children Services at www.fcservices.org or call the intake coordinator for more information at 650-326-6576. For general questions, call them at 408-292-9353 or complete a contact form through this link: http://www.fcservices.org/about/contact_form.html.
Visit Family and Children’s Services, a place to turn to seek help for parents that live apart through this link http://www.fcsok.org/classes/kids-cope-divorce-tulsa/ or make your first appointment, call them at 918.587.9471.
Single Mother: Being Both A Mother And A Father To Her Children
Being a single mother is not easy
Although single parenthood, usually caused by having the spouse work on a different country, annulment, legal separation, or divorce, is common nowadays for both genders, it is usually, in cases of marriage separation, the mother who gets the custody of the children, unless the husband has substantial ability to take care of the children, and, the mother has no capacity to provide. Being a single mother is no easy feat. She will have to be both a mother and father, thus, will have to balance her child rearing strategy. Bear in mind that having both the mother and father raising the children provides the opportunity for children to see both sides of the coin in life.
The Advantages of Married Parents from Single Mothers
Although there can be positive perks of being a single mother – not having to worry about a cheating husband, having the freedom for certain aspects, most decisions will be swift, and so on – children, on the other hand, will be the ones suffering. Remember, children will need to have a secure and loving environment in order to grow into an effective adult functioning well in the society. That is, according to Abraham Maslow’s theory on the Hierarchy of Needs. Since, single mothers are the full-time bread winners, as well, it can be safely said that they will not have enough time to be with their children as they grow, unlike full-time or part-time housewives. Furthermore, their fathers are there as well to help keep an eye and raise the children. Thus, single mothers will not be able to see the problems that the children could have, or, problems that they are afraid to open and discuss. Most often than not, they will turn into the wrong sort of crowd, or, in certain wrong activities and hobbies.
Being a single mother is tiresome and can give the wrong impression to people. For example, when a mother gets stuck in traffic and gets late fetching her child, most probably, the teacher or other parents will agree that she had been somewhere inconspicuous. Sometimes, new acquaintances will assume that single mothers are out to steal their husbands, which is an unfair type of stereotyping. Single mothers are, also, frequently questioned by their ability to raise their children properly. Before things get worse, certain methods and ways can be applied in order to minimize, if not stop, the wrong way of life that the children could follow.
Understand Your Children
Children without fathers, even those whose fathers died, would ultimately question why they do not have one, or, why their fathers have left them. Are they (the children) hated or unwanted? They will also blame themselves, and, at some point, blame the mothers for such predicament. At this point of time, mothers should exercise utmost patience. Children will have a hard time understanding the situation, and thus, would need to be explained over and over again. In explaining the situation, mothers should be aware of how much and what kind of information can the children understand at that time. Always, to avoid being hated in the future, mothers should tell the truth to their children at the right age. Lying should be avoided. Also, in cases of divorce, or the like, mothers should avoid neglecting their health as children would feel dispirited and would likely follow suit.
Encourage your children
Aside from patience, attention, and constant reassurance, should also be practiced. It is understandable that the mothers need to work in order to provide for her children; however, this does not mean she should neglect them. It is important to listen to their happy tales, sorrowful moments, confusions, and frustrations. It is important for children to know that someone is there for him/her. Also, single mothers should not wait for children to speak up, because usually, when children speak up, they have already reached the breaking point and emotions are too tangled with each other that it would be hard to address them. Encourage them to show and speak their real emotions and thoughts. This way, you can help them straighten up some points while knowing how they have been and what they are doing.
Share Your Burdens and Thoughts
Sometimes, being a parent can be very troublesome and wearisome, especially if you are a single parent. Often times, the family and friends can no longer help in resolving certain family issues; these are times in which professional help should be considered. The Green Bay Diocese is an organization ready to help single parents in need of advice and support. They can be contacted at 920-272-8234, or, toll free: 1-877-500-3580 ext. 8234. This organization will help regardless of race, religious background, nationality, and even, paying capacity.
The National Parent Helpline, operated by Parents Anonymous® Inc., could be contacted at 1-855-427-2736, or, at their website www.nationalparenthelpline.org.General inquiries can be sent at [email protected],and, media inquiries can be sent at [email protected] latter e-mail address is for Meryl Levine, the vice president of special initiatives. The National Parent Helpline® promotes parental resilience, which strengthens the ability of parents to cope with the different challenges of parenting; social connections, creates emotional and concrete assistance from family, friends, neighbors, and the community; knowledge on parenting and child development, information and tips on raising children; financial security and support; and, fostering children’s ability and communicate verbally and emotionally to people.
When prevention was not done on time, Boys Town National HotlineSMcan help address issues such as emotional abuse, chemical dependency, parenting troubles, sexual abuse, school issues, depression, suicide prevention, and much more. They have hotlines available 24 hours every day – 1-800-448-3000 and 1-800-448-1833. The latter is directed to counselors who speak Spanish and for translation services, of more than 140 languages. There is also a TDD line which allows counselors communicate with deaf and speech-impaired callers. As of now, teens can chat with other teens and counselors about their problems online through www.yourlifeyourvoice.org.