a Loss of Husband or Stress
Marriage and Loss
“Until death do us part…”
To a woman, these five words open up a door to a new world. A world filled with hope, happiness, and security. Where she may love and be loved unconditionally. And, make a family that she can call her own. A place where she will be able to spend the rest of her life fulfilled and contented. But, what happens when this paradise loses its land – the very foundation in which it was built. Will she continue living in the fairy tale world she had been living? Or will it turn into a nightmare?
The loss of a husband is very devastating to a woman. According to Kubler-Ross (Bereavement Theory), there are 5 stages of grief. If a woman fails to cope with one stage, is unable to move forward and overcome her grieving. They are as follows:
Stages of Grief
- Denial – In this stage, the woman refuses to believe what is happening. She is unable to accept the certainty of her loss. She thinks that if she denies it, then it isn’t true. However, this is just a temporary phase that enables her to grasp and absorb what is happening before moving on.
- Anger – The woman progresses to this phase when she realizes the actuality of her situation. The woman becomes angry and finds things that she can blame for the things that are occurring. She may blame people, her family, friends, herself, and even her children.
- Bargaining – This is a natural reaction common in women who are facing significant changes after her husband’s death. For example, providing for her children’s needs and being alone. She often makes ‘promises’ or ‘deals’ in order not to experience these modifications. It is merely an attempt to delay the inevitable.
- Depression – The reality of the loss sets-in when she understands that bargaining is not going to work. She now becomes aware of the changes that are going to happen to her and her family. In this stage, she becomes depressed and passive. Her ability to perform activities of daily living is affected.
- Acceptance – The last phase in the grieving process is the most difficult to accomplish. In here, the woman sees her husband’s death as an unchangeable fact. She now accepts her situation and is now starting to make plans on how to live with the change. This does not mean that she is already happy, but rather she is contemplating the possibilities for her and her family.
Overcoming Your Grief
Single mothers experience a lot of changes after her husband’s passing. She has to deal with her emotions while taking care of her children’s needs. Not only does she have to act as a mother, but as a father as well. A woman might find it hard to cope with these responsibilities and stresses. Here are a few guides or suggestions towards conquering these challenges.
responsibilities and stresses
- Expect to feel a wide-range of emotions. Discovering and acknowledging your feelings is the first step towards recovery. Determine the different emotions you’re experiencing and find ways to help you cope up.
- Don’t be afraid to cry and mourn. Mourning is an expression of your emotions and thoughts regarding your husband’s death. Experiencing the death of someone you love is an ordeal. It makes you sad, depressed, and disoriented. Crying can help in releasing these overwhelming feelings. It is an important part of healing. Crying your heart out is not a shameful act nor does it mean weakness.
- Verbalize your thoughts and feelings. Talk to people about your grief. Share about what you’re thinking and feeling about your husband’s death. Sharing releases pent up emotions and initiates the healing process. Furthermore, reminisce about your husband and the times that you have shared together. These memories may bring out laughter and tears. Always remember to never cast aside your emotions. Speaking out doesn’t mean that you’re losing control. It’s just a part of the normal grieving process.
- Understanding people is important. Most often, people have no idea how to respond to a loss. So, they usually say and do insensitive things. They don’t realize that what they’re saying or doing are making you uncomfortable. If this happens, look beyond their actions and forgive them. Reassure them that it’s okay to talk about your husband, give you a hug or look at you in the eye. These people mean well and only want to show that they care.
- Find a suitable support system. Surround yourself with people who understand what you’re going through. You can count on friends and families for support during this experience. You can also look up support groups in your community who share the same situation with you. In choosing your support system, ensure that they work alongside you and not in front of you. Don’t let them make decisions for your life. They are there not to dictate but to support.
- Take care of your body. Your sadness may leave you unable to care for yourself or family. Your passivity makes it difficult to make decisions. You constantly have a low energy and are always tired. Accept what your body and mind is telling you. Eat a healthy diet, exercise, and have enough rest. Take your time doing things and don’t be too hard on yourself. Ask for help from your family if you think you can’t handle things around the house. Once again, they are always there to help you get through this process.
- Look forward to the future. As of the moment, you’re worried on how to live normally and provide for your children. The future often causes you to be anxious. Therefore, make plans for you and your family. Discard old responsibilities and develop new ones. Live your life one day at a time. Remember, grieving is a slow process. You need to be patient and tolerant in order to move on. Take this experience, grow, and learn from it.