Helping your children deal with separation and breakup means providing balance in your home and attending to your kids needs with a comforting, positive attitude. For children, separation and breakup can be traumatic, sad, and complicated. As a parent, you can make the procedure and its effects less painful for your children. At any age, children may feel not sure or upset at the possibilities of mom and dad breaking up. Many children and divorced parents mourn the loss in the type of household they had expected for that’s why it’s typical for some children to wish that their mother and father will at some point get back together even after the finality of separation and breakup has been told them. Mourning the loss in a household is regular, but over time both you and your children will come to take the new scenario. So assure them that it’s OK to wish that mom and dad will hook up, but also describe the finality of your choices. It will not be a smooth procedure, but these tips can help your children deal with your divorce.

Make your children feel your divorce is not their

fault

Most kids have a self-centred mind-set. When encountered with separation and breakup, a kid’s response is thus likely to be a self-centred one; to think that he or she must have triggered separation and breakup to occur. Because of this, both parents who are getting a divorce should inform their kids that their choice to separation and breakup was not due to anything that they did, that they are still loved, and that both mother and father will safeguard their kids despite the modified circumstances.

Both of you should get involved

It is excellent for one parent alone to perform with encouragement. Both mother and father need to make sure the kids will realize that both mom and dad will still be their parents, will act like parents, discipline them when needed, protect them from harm, follow constant rules, not trim on the kid for care but will offer care for the kid, and both will love the kid and will maintain the kid’s lifestyle even without the other parent.

Maintain routines and have fun

Make sure you provide a calming fun atmosphere for your children. One in which they can let go of their problems and just be themselves. Fun goes a lengthy way in reducing stress! Kids can sense to be more protected when there is a conventional routine that will somehow help them to have a sense of organization and comfort and in some ways, help them to have a personal control. Keep with bedtimes, no issue to either the mother or fathers home they are. Have some constant house work, and have some time dedicated to the children which is handled as a precious one.

Respect one another

Children do best when their parents who are getting a separation respect each other pleasantly and considerately. Even if your rage is losing or you feel offended in the separation and breakup proceeding, as parents, you must not connect that to your children. Release it to friends or to someone, but not to the children.

Do not share the facts of the divorce but do not disregard them when they ask

Not listening to your kid and not reacting to their questions often bring to the perception that their emotions don’t matter to you. Answer your kids’ questions no matter how distressing the subject is for you. It is never in the interest of the children to be told about information regarding court issues or financial issues about your separation and divorce. Children feel confused when the mother or the father shares too many facts with them.

 Encourage them to talk and provide psychological assistance

Anger and stress are common child responses to separation and breakup. Separating parents can help their kids to work through disappointed feelings by motivating them to show and talk with them in appropriate ways. Kids will show their feelings diversely with others, listen properly to what kids have to say and what they do. Correct and define issues that are wrong and help them to understand why this is so. At the same time, show love for your kid’s well-being, and allow them to evade conversation when discussing becomes unpleasant. Anticipate dealing with the same issues on several events as it may take them many reps before their issues are allayed. Consider taking the kids into family treatment with a certified specialist.

Divorce leaves a mark on all the kids it touches, although different kids are affected in different ways. Many kids are originally sensitive but gradually resilient and end up adjusting to their changed conditions. As a parent, you should be the one to help your children cope with your divorce and seeking help with the following might be a great help.

Visit Family and Children’s Services, a place to turn to seek help for parents that live apart through this link http://www.fcsok.org/classes/kids-cope-divorce-tulsa/ or make your first appointment, call them at 918.587.9471.

For support groups and group counselling, visit Family and Children Services at http://www.fcservices.org/programs/program_support-groups.html  or call the intake coordinator for more information at 650-326-6576. For general questions, call them at 408-292-9353 or complete a contact form through this link: http://www.fcservices.org/about/contact_form.html

For services that help children from separated families to deal with issues arising from the breakdown in their parents’ relationship and to participate in decisions that impact on them, visit Uniting Care Community at http://www.uccommunity.org.au/family-relationships-separation-and-divorce 

For direct services for parent and children experiencing the transition of separation and divorce, visit http://web.multco.us/dcj/fcs  or you can keep in touch with them at:

Family Court Services
Multnomah County Courthouse
1021 SW 4th Avenue, Room 350
Portland, OR 97204-1184

MAIN: 503-988-3189
FAX: 503-988-3232
TTY Relay Service: 711

General Information: County Headquarters

Address: 501 SE Hawthorne Blvd
Portland, OR 97214
Portland/Multnomah Information Center

Phone: 503.823.4000
TDD: 503.823.6868
[email protected]