Dating had been fairly tough on you, but you managed to come through and were able to find a great man. Now, you want to move to the next level and let him meet the rest of your family. But, how can you start the contact between them without jeopardizing the welfare of your kids and your relationship?

Introducing your new partner to your children is a very sensitive matter to a single mother such as yourself. It highly depends on the age and maturity of the children, and how much you want them to know. The following talks about initiating contact between your new man and your kids.

Is my partner ready for my kids?

Before you start any introduction, you must ensure that you are in a committed relationship. You should be able to see your partner as part of your family in the future. And that both of you are able to understand what that would mean for you and your kids. Your children are at a risk of feeling abandoned once your partner leaves if he can’t handle the responsibility of being their father.

Introducing your dates to your children is completely unnecessary until you are sure that there is an intact commitment. If your partner insists to meet them, then this is a warning. Your kid’s happiness and welfare is more important than his desire for an introduction.

When will I know if my kids are ready?

Unfortunately, there are no ways of determining if your children are ready for a new father figure in their lives. The only thing you can do is to take it slow. Don’t surprise them with the news that you are dating again. Children will get worried that their mother is dating a stranger. On the other hand, they will feel bad for the other parent because you have already found someone else. So, before you let them meet the new partner, make sure that they can handle this relationship. You can ask them about their aspirations regarding your family and the traits that they would want in someone who will join your family. And lastly, trust your instinct. As their mother, you will know what is best for them.

How can my kids meet my new partner?

If you have younger children, do not tell them that they are going to meet your new boyfriend, because it will cause apprehension and confusion.  Instead say that you are meeting a friend over dinner or an activity. This allows younger kids to absorb and adapt naturally to the thought that their mother is dating someone else.

Alternatively for older kids, you may choose not to tell them about your love life. It depends on the divorce and if the kids had a hard time during that time. This is a highly personal matter and must only be shared to the children if you are sure that they can handle it.

When planning the actual introduction, choose an activity that you all can do like mini-golf or eating pizza outside. It gives a chance for everyone to meet without having to make long conversations. Just have fun and be yourself.

What possible problems can we encounter and how to solve it?

Children reject the new partner

There are several factors that lead a child to rejecting your partner. One factor is that you have made the introductions too early. Another is that your child is not fully prepared to have another man in the family. In order to prevent such thing from happening, make certain that your kids are ready to meet your partner.

But if even though you have prepared them well enough and they still act out, then take on a different strategy. First of all, do not blame your kids for their bad behavior. Blaming will only intensify their negativism and apprehension. Instead, talk to them privately and ask about their feelings and what they are thinking about the whole thing. And who knows, you may find out that the reason behind their behavior is not about your new relationship at all. Communicating in a calm manner will also strengthen the bond that you and your kids share.

Abandonment

One of the major problems that kids encounter when their parent obtains a relationship with a new person is abandonment. They may feel that they will be left behind now that you have another man in your life. They think that all your time will be spent on dates and activities with your partner. As a result, they become depressed and distance themselves from you. Sometimes, they act out badly and do poorly at school. To prevent this, you must assure them that they are your priority and that having a new partner does not mean that they will be forgotten. Constantly show how much you love them and be sincere about it. And never forget to include your children in activities that all of you can do together such as picnics, beach parties, and camping trips. In addition, doing such things together may also spark a certain bond between your kids and your new partner.

Seeing their mother with somebody else may be tough for children, especially if they have been close to their other parent. So, be considerate about their feelings. Remember that they are your first and foremost priority and that their happiness is just as important as yours. On the other hand, do not forget that after all, they are your kids and not your master. Their disapproval should not be a hindrance to your relationship. Be patient and give them time to adjust to the new situation. If they see that you are happy then they will surely be happy for you as well.

For more information, you can visit www.singlemom.com which offers advices, tips and resources for single mothers.
You can read blogs, discuss problems and share your experiences with other single parents at www.families.com.