Single Mothers Their Boyfriends
Being single mothers, there are a lot of things they should realize once they started dating again. Sure they can date anyone they feel can deserve their attention. They have every right to be happy and live their normal lives again. But unlike in the past when most people think single moms are difficult to build relationships with, these days, guys are a lot open-minded having single moms as girlfriends or as wives. However, there are few things that single moms should be aware of and tell their guys to avoid confusion or conflicts with their families.
Actually, it’s true that there is a variation between dating single women compared to dating single moms for the fact that single moms have most of the times limited moments with their boyfriends. Single moms also have big responsibilities with their children so they generally cannot give their full attention to their boyfriends all the time. And because of these, they should make their boyfriends aware of many things that are happening in their lives.
If you are a single mother and have a boyfriend, we feel that you must discuss to your boyfriend the following just to set everything straight and have a smoother relationship.
- Tell your boyfriend beforehand that among your top priorities, your children comes first. If your boyfriend is an open-minded person, he will understand you. Our civilized world now recognizes the rigid roles of single mothers in our societies. We now know that you must spend a lot of times and energy with your children to bring them up well. So you must tell your boyfriend that there will be times that you may not always be there whenever he wants to be with you. This may seem hard on your boyfriend but there are a lot of ways you can also show your love to him to make up for your lost times. You can make your dates special, call him more often, send him something he can appreciate or go somewhere with him and your kids if he agrees.
- If your boyfriend wants to live with you, tell him to give you time to think about it carefully. Though you think you know the guy, think carefully if you can really trust him and if he can really accept your kids and adapt to your family’s situations. Ask him as well, if he can adjust to your kids’ ways. Lots of couples lost their relationships due to the boyfriend’s not capable of adjusting to the single moms’ kids’ ways of doing things at home.
- Before you settle to stay together, ask your boyfriend if you can really trust him. Your boyfriend surely knows you have been into a rocky relationship that is why you are looking for someone whom you can really put your trust to. If he says he is ready to commit himself to you and to your kids, you may consider trusting him and stay with him. Give your boyfriend an idea also that you are the one he can also trust and spend his life with along with your kids for a very long time
- Trust your instincts but be open-minded. It is expected that your kids, or your siblings or parents may agree or go against your wish to live with your boyfriend. But it is you who can decide so better trust your instinct first and be smart before you settle down with a guy. Remember that your boyfriend becomes a member of your family once you agree to stay with him. Some single moms also ask the opinion of their kids if he can be the right guy to belong to their families and consider the kids’ ideas.
- Talk to your boyfriend that you alone shall discipline your kids. Some boyfriends when they began to familiarize themselves with the kids would want to impress discipline to their girlfriends’ kids as well. However, you must be aware that your kids may feel bad about this even if your boyfriend has a point with his actions. The best thing that you can do is to ask for your boyfriend’s support if you need it but he must leave every disciplining to you. You can also tell him that if there are some concerns that he wants to discuss about your children, he can talk to you privately about it.
- Tell your boyfriend he must be out of the scene when it concerns your ex. You know he would always want to help. But when it comes to your ex’s concern, you must handle it yourself and you must tell this to your guy. Things can get complicated if two men in your life collide. Even your ex is a past one, he still has the concerns with your kids and this is out of your boyfriend’s wall. If you and your ex are still battling in court, let you and your lawyer handle things and let not a third person meddle.
Single mothers should not let their boundaries too wide or too narrow when setting their limits for their boyfriends. But you as a single mom should always know better. If you know your boyfriend well, you will know every step you must make. Our point is, it is in having an open communication with your boyfriend if you want to build a more solid relationship.
For the single moms who are starting to date again, check also our article “Single Mothers’ Dating Mistakes” to avoid pitfalls when dating
How about dating only when the kids are with the father, until they’re 18? You can remarry then.
2 and 3 apply even to no-kids relationships.
If you don’t put him first, he doesn’t have to put you first.
How are you going to offset all the extra stuff that comes along with dating a single mother?
Why not just date a single father?
So, a single mother of a three year old should spend the next fifteen years of her life single? Get real.
Agreed.
Does he have children of his own? This should be the only reason a partner wouldn’t be top priority. However, when dating a single mother or father – or even a god parent, uncle, etc any legal guardian of a child – you should always expect that child to be number one. Period. That’s a child, a little life someone is responsible for, they are top priority.
Offset all the extra stuff? If you’re dating a single parent, you ought to be well aware of how different that is than dating a single, kid-free man or woman. There is no “making up for it”. Sure it’s not as easy, but no one is forcing you to date a single parent. If that’s too much of a hassle for you, find a kid-free partner!
There’s no reason a single mom shouldn’t date a single dad, and vise versa, if they are interested I’m dating each other. However, implying that single parents should be exclusively seeking to date other single parents. There are plenty of guys and gals out there willing to date single parents. Some people are not, and they don’t have to, and that’s great! But implying that single parents should be out of the “normal” dating pool is just immature and laughable. But to be honest, most single moms are more interested in dating single dads than kid-less guys because they’re more grown-up and more understanding of their situations.
That’s my piece
I don’t think that’s what someone meant. I don’t think the OP meant she has to stay single for 15 years.
To me, it sounded like she can still date, just don’t mix the dating with the kids. Essentially, live a double-life.
The status of the father makes a HUGE difference!
I’m a single parent myself, no way in HELL would I date someone without children!