Positive and Negative Effects of Single Parenting
Single motherhood is viewed by many differently. Before, society brands single mothers with much negativism and criticism. However, as the years pass, many of us come to realize that there are benefits of being a single mom.
Advantages of Single Parenthood
Not all the effects of being a single parenting are negative. There are numerous gains when one walks the path of being a single parent not only to the parent herself but the children as well.
effects of being a single parent are negative
- Single parents have higher confidence in themselves. Without having someone else to rely on, single parents develop self-reliance and determination. And when they find that they can provide for themselves and their family successfully on their own, they will feel much more confident that before.
- There is less conflict in the household. Disagreements usually occur when a family has two parents. But with just one parent, there are fewer arguments. You can manage finances safely and securely without dealing with questions from your partner. You can also have freedom in choosing your religion as well as raising your kids using your own values.
- Develop strong bonds with your children. Spending one-on-one quality time with your kids allows for relationships to grow. Don’t reduce the importance of your role. Without the presence of the other parent, your children will now rely on you for strength and support. If the relationship that you have today isn’t where you want it to be, you can still work to strengthen it. And if your bonds are strong enough, it will still be present until your kids grow into adults.
- Children develop self-confidence. Children develop independence early in their lives when they live with a single parent. They learn how to be self-reliant and finding out that they can be helpful to their family, they acquire confidence in themselves. However, constant fighting among parents has negative effects on children, especially in divorced or separated parents that are not in good terms. As long as the kids are not exposed to the stress and turmoil, they can grow into mature adults despite not having a “complete” family.
- The kids learn about responsibility. Seeing their parent hard at work, children will naturally develop a sense of responsibility. They realize that in order to strive, they have to help in any way they can. They will see their chores as a necessity instead of dire work. As their parent, be specific in asking them to help out. And most importantly, let them know that you appreciate their efforts
- Kids grow into mature and well-balanced adults. Seeing their single parent hard at work just to provide for the family’s need, children realize that they are indeed a priority without thinking that they are the center of everybody’s universe. The hardships that they experience at a young age force them to face with disappointments and conflicts early in their lives. And with the help of their parent, they can grow from it and in the process get prepared for real-life.
Disadvantages of Being a Single Parent
Even with support from relatives, friends, and various support groups, there are still negative effects of being a single parent. These effects do not stop on the parent but extends to the children, too.
negative effects of being a single parent
- Poor financial status is common experienced by families headed by a single parent with the exception of the rich ones. Being the sole bread-winner of the family, you have to work full time or extra .A lot of sacrifices and adjustments are to be made in order to meet their family’s basic needs.
- The parent experience psychological instability. Indeed, being a mother or a father alone is difficult. Imagine doing both roles at the same time. Single parent constantly face stress when they try to play the part of being both a mother and a father to her kids. You may feel depressed, angry, frustrated, and helpless among other things. Your children may also be affected and develop isolation and from their parents.
- Single parents tend to discard taking care of themselves. Most single parents find it a challenge taking care of the kids and working round the clock. They spend almost all of their time on their kids and work that they tend to forget to take care of themselves. As a result, these parents suffer from exhaustion, malnutrition, stress, and frequent illness.
- Social Stigma has always been the nemesis of single parents everywhere. Society usually sees single parenthood as a self-inflicted damage resulting from irresponsibility. Children from families lead by single parents are often viewed negatively as well. People expect such families to fail in everything from work to school, and basically, life.
- Children perform poorly at school. Several factors lead to children having problems at school. One factor is that they are affected with the social stigma that comes with living in a single parent family. Another is that single parents have fewer resources to support the kids financially. Also, the parent is too busy working extra for the family that no one is there to help them with school.
- Children exhibit risky behaviors when they have problems at home. This is fairly common in unsuccessful single parent family. These children resort to smoking, drinking, violence, delinquency, unsafe sexual activity, and even suicide attempts just to cope up with the stress.
The negative effects that come with being a single parent can be avoided with proper support, determination, and hard work from the family. And with the right attitude, you can have a successful family life with just you and your kids.
Financial Assistance Hotlines
Child-Support Enforcement Hotline – (877) 696-6775
Child-Care Subsidy Hotline – (800) 424-2246
Mortgage Payment Assistance – (800) 750-8956
Debt Relief Hotline – (800) 291-1042
Free Bankruptcy Advice (800) 379-0985
Or visit www.eap.partners.org for more information
Support Groups for Single Mothers
For more information on available support centers throughout the US, visit www.singlemothers.org
National Support Helpline
Contact them at 1-855- 4A PARENT (1-855-427-2736)
Or visit www.nationalparenthelpline.org for more details.
Single Parents Isolation from Society
Single Parents Isolation
Parenting alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely for the rest of your life. Being alone shows itself in many ways and it’s feeling of isolation can hit at almost any age and within any group, not just separated individuals or single parents having difficulties to restore a social interaction. Being alone in single parents can be reduced with a good support of friends and family that can matter as the parent and the kids experience the loneliness triggered when the partner is no longer having communication with them. Lonely single parent should try to keep their normal lifestyle and workouts continuous to keep active, reducing the initial loneliness of separation and divorce and taking the advantage in meeting new individuals and building new connections. The negative behavior of others can increase this feeling of loneliness by resulting in many single parents to feel that their loneliness, even though due to conditions, is their entire mistake. The treatments for loneliness are as unique and personal as the individuals who are suffering from loneliness. There is no “one size suits all” treat for loneliness. Here are several actions that single parents can catch to build up social re-connection and self-help when they come to be familiar with the feeling of isolation is starting to affect their life.
Be aware that you are not alone
Unbearable loneliness affects oneself on how to build confidence and how to overcome loneliness, numerous resources will help you understand this fact and will help you provide opportunities to communicate with others leading to the steps on conquering isolation. Many people sense that being lonely show that their thoughts of being lonely get connected to their senses that they do not fit in the society and they felt they are not normal. The settings of your “family” may have modified or may not fit the standard but you and your kids ARE a FAMILY!
Build self confidence
Be a part of a group based on a topic that interests you, it will take tremendous bravery simply walk into a room with people that is a stranger to you, but knowing that you are not alone is the key to get self-confidence and developing connections. Communicating with others, even though in just little discussions causes actions that develop self confidence. Relationships and connections are beneficial and it needs time, work, and investment but can be so satisfying that they become their own prize. Once you get in touch with and start to get to know the people in your group, you can become more effective.
Enclose interest
Don’t be reluctant with your thoughts when you notice common strings between you and others. Once you have work all the way through your personal pain and started out the limitations and have started communicating to others, the next phase to take is realizing and striking up discussion with people on daily life matters. As you comment on these parallels internally and superficially, paying attention and watching for the reactions; enjoying others is the first thing to you being heard.
Take your own steps
Start with simple hellos or good days to others
Start with simple hellos or good days to others, but if they seem diverted or unavailable to reply in kind don’t get a hold with it as a personal negative response or don’t even think that they have rejected you, enjoy your bravery at providing a sentiment and keep introducing and greeting others. Don’t wait for others to make the first steps in approaching you or offer you a sentiment. Become cautious about the “groups” available in your community who were designed just for your situation. Divorced, widowed and separated organizations are a great way to start. Many local churches will support such group of community. Single parents without their other half are a nationwide established group particularly designed to give single parents a place for themselves and their kids.
Raising a child on your own is accompanied with its unique challenges and rewards. To help you with your needs regarding on single parenting, these are some of the supportive resources for single parents.
If you are seeking for help in providing help for you not to feel isolated because you are a part of a single parent community, visit www.parentswithoutpartners.org which will help you offer an environment for support being a single parent.
For making every child in the US to be raised effectively and compassionately, contact National Effective Parenting Initiative through this link: www.effectiveparentingusa.org, Call them at 1(800) 325-2422 or write to them at:
National Effective Parenting Initiative
6260 Laurel Canyon Blvd. , Suite 304
North Hollywood , CA 91606
For information about single parenting; what it is, how to move on, what can be done to help the feeling of loneliness being single, etc. visit www.singleparentmagazine.net which focuses exclusively on single parent society, or contact them by mail at:
Single Parent Magazine
P.O Box 335852
North Las Vegas , NV 89033
For a community packed with other persons who also recognize the challenges you are facing, visit www.singleparentsmingle.com for single parents who are looking forward to meet other single parents too.
For societal support for the need of parents to have time with their children, visit: www.familyandhome.org or mail them at:
Family and Home Network
P.O Box 492
Merrifield , VA 22116
Sensation of being alone is frustrating, a separateness that comes from the inside of a person. Being alone is more than just a need for company of others and is often absolutely a normal feeling. Newly single parents who are acquainted to the assistance and company of their partner find themselves alone without this assistance for the first several weeks and after the experience of separation cause a lot of loneliness as they modify their loss. This sense of being cut-off and alienated from others, if uncontrolled, is a serious, life-threatening situation impacting people in different ways. Conquering loneliness as a single parent needs understanding and managing what triggers might bring about the feeling of isolation.
Feasible effects of divorce on children
Problems that children of divorced families encounter.
Parents’ divorce usually places kids at the probabilities for many types of problem. However most kids of divorce do not encounter those serious problems since most of the kids are strong and flexible and most of them would come to their regular lives after 2-3 years. Problems that children of divorced families encounter are often present even before the divorce; this is perhaps the result of conflict between parents, less attention given from parents, depression or because of other aspects. Most divorcing parents are worried about their children’s reactions to their divorce, they want to know will their kids be able to develop healthy and a happy life. Divorcing parents should understand that divorce is a life transforming experience that will greatly affect their children since after divorce; everything will be different from childhood to adolescence. Adulthood will somehow change especially with the decision to get married, whether to have kids or not will be totally different. Whether the outcome will be good or bad, lifestyle will be profoundly changed because of these issues of divorce.
Social, emotional and physical health effects of divorce
Children of divorce are at greater risk of psychological problems, some kids are more affected by divorce compared to others. The feeling of loneliness is persistent and is typical for children of divorce and that feeling of loneliness comes into different ways. It’s typical for kids to “lose” a mom or dad, but then after many years, most dads will somehow lose contact with their children and in that case moms will be working more that made them not to have enough time for the kids and this made the kids to rate their current relationships with both moms and dads less positively than kids from intact marriages.
Kids from divorced families tend to move out and this can result in loss of friendship that will throw in a lot in kids’ feelings of loneliness. Kids who are able to deal with their emotions somehow experience increased confidence, higher wellness, and social relationships since the concepts of psychological intelligence can help kids escape some of the consequences associated with marital conflict.
Many kids believed that they triggered the separation and breakup or that they did something wrong that made one or both moms and dads not want to be with them and these feelings can cause them to feel sad, depressed and angry and these negative emotions can cause to other problems such as illness, educational problems and problems with others. Many of the actual symptoms experienced by kids of separation are triggered by increased worries, stress and psychological uncertainty. Because of these illnesses, kids who encounter divorce will end up living their lives less.
child is suffering from stress
Educational effects of divorce
Academics is another area that may be put at risk because of divorce since kids of separated parents performs bad in schools and have less academic achievements. Few of them graduate from high school and even fewer of them goes to college and even they have gone through college only few of them can get their degree. The reasons of this matters is that academic achievements can be affected if the child is suffering from stress or performs out rebelliously due to parents’ separation. In addition, separated parents are less able to afford private institutions for their kids and that made them to be forced to live in communities to which schools are badly funded and services are insufficient that’s why their kids also have the tendency not to set goals for higher education because if they force to pursue higher education, they might grumble that they might not get economical help.
Effects on children’s future relationships due to divorce
Divorced parents also worry that their example of divorce will damage their children’s chances of building lasting marriage. Children of divorce seem to have less commitment to the principle of a lasting marriage. Children of divorce are likely to leave unsatisfying relationships than hold on to it and try to improve it because the one they have experienced in their parents’ divorce deteriorates assurance in marital stability. Children of divorce also have greater complexity when it comes to trusting people, including a partner. Children who experience the divorce of their parents are at greater risk for a divorce when they eventually marry and children from divorce are less likely to marry someone who has the same experience like theirs.
Here are some of comprehensive resources for parents who are going through or have experienced divorce:
Kids in the middle at www.kidsinthemiddle.org is a nonprofit organization all about helping children who feel in the middle of a divorce. Main office is located at:
121 West Monroe Avenue
Kirkwood, MO 63122
Phone: (314) 909-9922
Fax: (314) 909-1831
Email: [email protected]
The Our Family Wizard website provides the possible tools for parents in divorced and separated households to communicate and organize their lives. Visit them at www.ourfamilywizard.com, E-mail at [email protected] and mail them to their mailing address at:
The OurFamilyWizard® website
1302 Second Street Northeast
Suite 200
Minneapolis, MN 55413
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry offers some facts about children and divorce and statistical data that may help you teach your child to get past the hurt of divorce and begin to heal emotionally. There is an entire section that offers facts about divorce for families. Visit their website at www.aacap.org and contact them at: Phone: 202.966.7300, Fax: 202.966.2891
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
3615 Wisconsin Avenue, N.W.
Washington, D.C.20016-3007
Busby and Associates Attorneys and Counselors at law P.C a law firm that offers professional legal services in the following areas of law: Family Law, Debt Consolidation, and Consumer Bankruptcy. Visit their website at www.busby-lee.com or through the following: Phone: (713) 974-1151, Toll-free: 1-(866)-912-9832, Fax: (713) 974-1181, E-mail:[email protected]
Principal Office
2909 Hillcroft, Suite 350
Houston, Texas 77057
1804 Snake River Road, Suite C
Katy, TX 77449
By Appointment Only
4522 Cypress Creek Parkway
Houston, TX 77069
By Appointment Only
Failed Marriage with Children. How to Pick Up the Pieces
life after a failed marriage
So what are mothers ought to do when they are left with the sole responsibility of rearing their children? Is there still a possibility to move on in life after a failed marriage? Fortunately, recovering after divorce and facing single motherhood is not an impossible task to do. There are a lot of methods and support organizations in which mothers can pull themselves back to their feet and resume on living life with their children. With these tips, you can be able to learn from the experience and come back as wiser and stronger person.
Marriage is something that is eternally binding and thus is expected to last. There are cases, however, when they don’t. There are a lot of women out there who became single moms after their relationship with their husband is terminated. There are even cases when their troubles are doubled with the fact that they are left with children to feed, care and nurture. Divorce can happen for multiple reasons. In cases where mothers are left with the children, it usually stems from the other partner’s unfaithfulness, abusive behavior or mere incapacity to rear and take care of the children.
Build A New Focus On Life as a Single
Reverting to a single status can have a lot of temptations for single mothers. These may range from having a night out with friends, the freedom to buy anything they want without a partner berating them for such and the chance to meet new friends and new potential partners. Though it is recommended that you treat yourself once in a while, it is better that you balance your new found freedom with the responsibilities of a single mother as they are very important. There are a lot of instances in single parenthood that you are called to sacrifice certain things for your children.
It is better to focus on your children first as the temptations that you will face can have very damaging effects to your family. In single parenthood, it is advised that you balance your decision even more carefully as they will have a profound impact on your family’s future.
Acceptance Is The Key
Divorce can be a very absolute decision. There is no turning back when you and your partner decide to call it quits. Whatever reasons you may have in terminating your marriage, there is no doubt that the divorce can be very emotionally harrowing and may leave you with scars if you do not know how to recover from it. The first step to recovery is to accept the fact that the marriage is over. Coming to terms with the reality that you are divorced is the best place to start in your path to recovery. It is also recommended that you do not fight back the feelings and reactions to your divorce as they may prolong your recovery process should you decide to suppress them.
But always remember, though, that there is a difference between a reaction to your failed marriage and depression. Sadness and grief over divorce is expected and normal. Depression, however, is unhealthy. If you are grieving over your failed marriage for a long time, it might be better if you seek counseling.
Experience is the Best Teacher
Retrospective can be a great asset for a person. It helps them to look back at the past and learn from their experiences. With that, it might be better if you take a look at your failed relationship. Find out where it started to fall apart and look for the certain factors that lead to your eventual breakup. Single moms can even benefit from a bit of introspective as they are able to look into themselves as to where they may have been at fault and where they lacked in their relationship in their former partner. With this, divorce becomes less of a painful event and more of a stepping stone to a better future with your children.
Avail of Help
keep reminding yourself that you are not alone
The best way to recover after divorce is to keep reminding yourself that you are not alone in your plight. There are a great number of people out there that you can tap for help in single parenthood. It’s recommended to build you support system with your family members first. They are a great source for help as the can be there at a moment’s notice and are more than willing to help you in your concerns.
The American federal and state government even gives out grants for single mothers and their children. There are several federal and state grants on education, health insurance and even financial aid especially for those single mothers who are trying to make ends meet. Therefore, you must apply for at least one of the many grants to enjoy their benefits.
Despite the difficulties, Single Motherhood is not an impossible task. By following these advices, single mothers can be able to pull themselves together from their harrowing experiences. Single moms can also be assured that there is nothing to be afraid of in the future and they can fully raise their children on their own.
You can even go to several organizations that can empathize better with what you are going through. The Single Parents Alliance of America is geared towards helping single parents, especially mothers; adjust to their lives through financial aid, free legal advice and other very helpful services. You can go to their website at www.spaoa.org. You have to enlist as a member to fully enjoy the privileges unique to them. Single mothers can even go to the National Organization of Single Mothers to get aid for their single parenting concerns. Whether you are a single mother by choice or chance, the organization is willing to help you in your concerns. Visit their website at www.singlemothers.org and gain information on how they can help you through your parenting troubles. You can also contact the members and founders through the contact information at their site.
How to be Happy as a Single Parent
Happy as a Single Parent
Single parenthood is often seen as a disaster to those who are not yet single parents. Single parenting can be enforced or by preference; separation may take place because of mutual assent, you are left alone to take good care of your child and make sure to make them a good citizen. Reasons to worry at the present time is much lesser because there is more to the situation that convene the eye then later on, positive features are associated to single parenting. To become a triumphant single parent, it is best to start with self confidence but this is not typically the case for many single parents, some have lost their self confidence simply by the cause itself how they became single and there is always that associated doubt in oneself after a conked out relationship or by any means. Probability are, if you became single due to annulment, you might be emotionally make it complicated to see the good in yourself, then having self confidence gets too far to achieve.
Accept your new responsibilities
This is probably the greatest task of all, it would be easier for you to feel it if you are overwhelmed with your situation. Yes, you will have less time for yourself, the sole responsibilities on raising your child are all yours and you will probably encounter financial stress. But these are things that can be arranged and they will get a lot easier for you if you can easily become accustomed with it. Showing antipathy towards your situation will make it very hard for you to cope with your situation and would never help you and your children come to stipulations with your new lives. Focus on your children if you think about them as the center f your life, they will feel it and will act in response to it. Single parenting is not a curse, if you see and feel it that way, so will your children.
Extend a support system
Make sure to get all the help and advice you can possibly get, talk to your family as they were the ones who can help you, have some conversation to your friends and make them feel you need them, it is also good to make friends with those who are with the same situation as you. Talk to your doctor or health visitor to help you seek for counsel and support group. You may aggressively seek for it but the more support you can have, the better!
Be open with your offspring
Persuade everybody in your family to be communicative in a way that they can say what they feel as freely as possible. This can be achieved by being truthful to yourself and become more approachable, you can help your children fiddle with your entire situation and it is very essential to let them know and make them feel that they can have reliance on you. Try to give them the confidence of talking with you though this might take time but you also need to value them if they would not want to talk to you for a while.
Be available always for your children
Try to be emotionally there for your children when you are together. It is really easy to draw back your unhappiness when you are feeling low, but this is the time when your children need you the most. Involve them with activities which has positive role models that reflect a missing parent, this does not mean finding a substitute mom or dad for them but instead, expose your children to uncles, aunts, family or even friends that will reflect the values which you think that is good for them to have, this will fill the gap of a missing parent leaves.
Don’t be scared to what the future will bring
Always involve a positive thinking
Your new scenario delivers a whole fill of advantages as well as the disadvantages. Being single doesn’t mean that the long run is something that just happened to you. Think about where you wish to be years from now, or in the next several decades, and think about establishing possible objectives to achieve your focus in life. Always involve a positive thinking on everything, a positive mind always lead to positive actions and eventually, you will attract what you reflect.
For you to best on how to become happy as a single parent, talk to the following experts on the topics related to singles in the society:
For more information on singles in America , make contact with Bella DePaulo, author of “Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After” at [email protected] or visit her website at www.BellaDePaulo.com.
To gain knowledge about the legal status of singles contact Nancy D. Polikoff, Professor of Law in Washington College of Law [email protected]
For query associated to singles contact Adam Pertman, Executive Director, Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute at [email protected]
For understanding the transition of adult in and out of singlehood, cohabitation and marriage, contact Andrew Cherlin, Professor of Sociology and Public Policy at Johns Hopkins University, the author of “The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today” [email protected]
Gain knowledge on to be happy as a single parent by having a positive point of view on everything, this would be the best teacher for your children as of this time if they know you are happy they would also feel happy despite of the circumstances and they will not have this perverted view on single parenting life like many people do. If single parenthood frightens you, calm down remember that positives can outweigh the negatives. Being a single parent is the hardest job you’ll ever love. You may have tough time but it is always best to use positive approach and increase your happiness.
Single Parents Dating: Introducing your children in new relationships
Introducing your children in new relationships
Establishing new relationships as a single parent is somehow complicated since you are accountable for the obligations and everything that has to do with your children. When you find someone who seems to have some potential for you, you want to bring your kids into the image; of course you want to make that someone to know that you have kids, otherwise, you might end up disappointing yourself. You have to take into consideration that not everyone is capable of recognizing kids that is owed to another man or woman and some may have the feeling to be terrified for the obligations in raising the kids. The concept of no one can live without love and care is always the same for single parents, they also have the privileges to establish deeper relationships with a person who cares for them. Dating, as a single parent may rather be complicated since you have to deal with the issues before you present someone to your child. But there are still possibilities for single parents to engage with others who are special to them, there’s just a need for single parents to consider the following:
Consider your child’s personality matters
A single parent should believe on instincts to when should be the right time to introduce a new mate to a child since this may be one of the most frightening circumstances in the introduction part. However, knowing the kid’s personality may take advantage for single parents as to how do the kid manage to meet new people and new situation. Expecting push-back from the child is somehow normal after all, the kid is most likely acquainted in having all of his mom or dad’s love and care. The kids may not respond well if another person reveals any kind of affection towards his parent. Prior to deciding the right time for a formal introduction, always take into consideration the child’s personality as well as your new mates’ emotion, the quality, and length of your new relationship together. Always take it slow, don’t rush things, give it time; the kid will need some time and understanding.
Consider the length period of your new relationship before introducing it to the kids
Presenting every date to the children might not be a good idea to single parents. However, if you are secure in your new relationship that may be the best time to introduce a new partner to your kids. The quality of relationship best relates to the time you have spent together whether you and your partner seemed to be compatible or whether your partner have indicated interests in meeting your child. As single parent, you should also consider the length period of a new relationship prior in making formal introduction. There’s no magic variety to determine “long enough.” When time and the relationship have been going strong, it might be a perfect time to present a new partner.
Consider your partners’ viewpoint about children
Single parents often have the reaction to the question how does a new partner feel about children taken that a new partner will not invest in a relationship with a single parent if he or she does not care for the kids. It is important to be patient to a new partner since they might feel anxious in meeting the most important person in their new partner’s life. It always allows giving a new partner some key understanding prior to the introduction part. Take time to let them know the child’s preferred things even to the simplest ones like what is the child’s preferred color, favorite TV shows the things which food does the child preferred to eat, etc. by means of those things, your new partner can be able to easily get along with your kid by means of easily catching up with the kids’ particular passion.
how does a new partner feel about children
Taking time you need
No need for you to worry about anything. You can always have all the time you need to allow everyone to get used to each other and for you to choose whether you really want to engage in a new relationship. Think of the danger you might run in your children especially the young ones as they will form an immediate connection that’s why it is important to make sure that the relationship you will engage into should have the potential at its peak before introducing someone new to your children even though you can’t predict what will happen in the latter, it is still best that the kids will not encounter too many needless failures.
Introducing someone new to your children can make your feeling to sprint high. Be prepared all the time and most importantly, show your kids the love and affection they need; and for you to accomplish it all here are some contact information that you might need on being a single parent and the issues accompanying it.For empowering single parent to rise up, framework for mentoring support program for single parents and their children and many more, visit Single Parent Support Network at www.supportforsingleparents.org or reach them through e-mail at [email protected] and through mail at:
Single Parent Support Network
PO Box 12593
OKC OK 73157
Visit Single Parents Network.com if you are looking for any single parent information and support and to find out what are the agencies and resources that will best work for your situation. Get informed by visiting them at http://singleparentsnetwork.com/
Single family voices is for families who have been touched by single parenting to where single parents are sharing support online and at the same time having fun. Visit Single Family Voices at http://singlefamilyvoices.com
For online social club that make healthy changes and relationships for single parents, Solo Parents Network is for single parent of any stage of parenting that share and provides resources, and introduce and help other single parents. Visit Solo Parents Network at http://www.soloparentsnetwork.com/.
Prevent Problems in Children: Manage Stress and Issues Due to Separation
Prevent Problems in Children
Perfect families are nothing but a myth. No matter how people strive towards perfection, such endeavors can never be achieved. There can be no perfect person, personality, couple, family, group, organization, or country. Flaws are inevitable and should be accepted – it is the way of life. Quarrels can never be avoided, and consequently, sometimes, separation is inevitable. There are too many factors, which can cause disagreements, and, even less with reasons for separation. Sometimes, the man and woman marry just for fun, and, when passion cools off, differences crops up, divorce becomes the only solution. Sometimes, parents are too caught up with their emotions that they fail to see the impact of such a heavy decision to their children, or, even disregards or brushes aside their (the children’s) thoughts and feelings.
The Psychological, Emotional, and Physical Impacts
Children usually misunderstand the reason for the separation of parents. Most of the time, they assume that it is their fault. Perhaps it is because she is not beautiful, or, because he believes he is not strong enough to please his father (it is usually the father who leaves the family) – that is why their parents argue and ultimately breaks up. They feel guilty about it; they get depressed, and, lose their self-esteem. Children from broken families feel alone and abandoned – even if one of their parents is taking care of them. It is just their natural reaction. Several studies have also concluded that children from broken families have a higher rate of suicide compared to children whose parents died.
The stress and emotional and psychological impact of separation manifests physically, as well. Girls usually becomes anorexic or bulimic in their endeavor to become sexy, and apparently, beautiful. Aside from problems with appetite, sleeping disorders also becomes evident – having trouble falling asleep, waking at odd hours without reason, or, becomes lethargic and sleeps for long hours. Also, because of depression and anxiety, they, most of the time, turn to abuse different kinds of substances like drugs, alcohols, and cigarettes. Substance abuse results in different levels of complications in his/her health, in the family, in school, and in their community.
The Impact on Relationship with Others and Towards the Community
Because children do not understand why their parents lost their love, they will develop a sense of anxiety towards building a relationship. Thus, they most of the time fail their own relationship. It does not necessarily mean that they will not be able to have friends; unfortunately, it will be the wrong sort of crowd. Becoming associated with the other problem children, sometimes coming from unhappy families and also from broken families, is a very unhealthy and dangerous situation. By the theory of conformity, people are influenced by the people they associate, or spend time with, on how to act, behave, think, perceive, believe, and sometimes, feel. Therefore, when their friends do things, even illegal things, children (and also teenagers) follow them and do the same. Bullying can also be attributed to the boys’ desire to show how strong they can be. This is in relation to how they believe that their weakness has caused the separation of his parents. Education becomes endangered, as well. When parents have just separated, or are in the process of separating, children loss their concentration and eventually fails in their subjects, which leads to repetition of the grade, or dropping out of school.
Promiscuity in children from broken families is not unusual, as well as, teenage pregnancy. They, after all, have no good role model to look up. Adults coming from a broken family can create intimate relationships, as well. The problem would be maintaining that said relationship. One reason why adults from broken families cannot maintain relationships is because of their fear towards abandonment and loneliness. They will fear that sooner or later their partner will leave them, as their parent has left them. They cannot (in their opinion) bear to suffer such miserable emotions again. Constant disagreements are normal; however, with broken families, disputes become way too common and violent.
Seek Professional Help
Seek Professional Help
The American Association of Pastoral Counselors offers counsel, support, and advices which are grounded spiritually. They aim to bring healing, hope, and wholeness to everyone – individuals, families, groups, communities, and organizations. Membership in their website, www.aapc.org, is open and free for everyone. Their office is situated at 9504A Lee Highway, Fairfax, VA 22031-2303. They can be contacted at (703) 385-6967 (phone), (703) 352-7725 (fax), and through their email address . The Green Bay Diocese of Catholic Charities offers help to children and families to cope up with stresses and problems due to separation of parents. Their service is for everyone regardless of religious affiliation, race, nationality, and capability to pay. They can be contacted at (920) 272-8234 or at the toll-free 1-877-500-3580 ext. 8234.
The BILG or “Because I Love You” is a support group for parents and youths of all ages. Their group aims to promote structure, consequence, and consistency in raising children. Letters can be sent to Because I Love You, The Parent & Youth Support Group, P.O. Box 2062, Winnetka, CA 91396-2062. They can also be contacted at (818) 884-8242. Emails for the founder, Dennis Poncher, can be sent at , and, for the youth program director, . Inquiries can also be done at http://bily.org/contact.
Parents Anonymous® operates the National Parent Helpline, 1-855-427-2736, which is available Monday through Friday from 10:00 AM PST to 7:00 PM PST. This Helpline promotes five factors for families. First is the ability of parents to effectively manage various parental problems. Second is the emotional and material assistance from family, friends, neighbors, and community. Third is the knowledge of parents to raise their children. Fourth is the financial security. Lastly, development of children’s social and emotional factors. Aside from the hotline, they can be contacted at (909) 621-6184 x218, at http://www.nationalparenthelpline.org/contact-us, and, visited at 981 Corporate Center Drive, Suite 100, Pomona, CA 91768.
Broken Home: How to Raise Children with Values Intact
How to Raise Children with Values Intact
Broken homes are not unusual in our society, in this era. Previously, divorce was never allowed, as this would break any family; and, families are considered to be the basic unit in a society. In the olden times, no matter how hard, no matter the indiscretion of family members and, no matter unhappy, husbands and wives were never allowed to separate. However, as the years go by, the concept of annulment was established. This is one the legal methods in which the marriage license is revoked; as if the union never happened. This method takes years to process with complicated, valid, and, heavy reasons. Nowadays, however, especially in the western countries, divorce has been legalized. This method of separation takes relatively lesser years to complete and accepts trivial reasons. Although, separation takes the bitter atmosphere between the couple, this inadvertently affects the lives and future of children.
Advantages of an Intact Home
Countless studies have been conducted to gauge the effects, and its extent, of broken homes to children of different ages, different races, various countries, and with regards to religious affiliation. Although there are results which dominate in certain aspects, there has been a general conclusion –children from broken families develop negative personas and behaviors, which affect their future. Single parents become both the mother and father to the children. As such, they are also the ones taking the brunt of raising the children, balancing it along with the parent’s career. Because of this, children will be neglected. Various theories on psychology had pointed out that children need love, guidance, and assurance in order to grow into a responsible and effective adult.
When the parents had separated during the children’s childhood days, their development of attachment becomes disrupted. Failure in this aspect results in children having feelings of insecurity, and, having problems creating and maintaining any kind of relationship as they, the kids of adults from broken families, find no pleasure in such connections. Training, morals, values, and general upbringing, become biased. Since only one parent or gender nurtures the children, there would be no “devil’s advocate” or person with authority to counterbalance any extreme teachings. Children will not be able to see both sides of the world. Single parents tend to become over protective with their children, wanting them not to see the ugly side of the world. By not allowing children to make mistakes or hurt, at certain degrees, they develop too much dependence and become inadequate and incapable of taking care of their selves. In some cases, children become neglected, and, they swing towards the wrong way of life.
Self Help Tips and Guidelines
Before we focus on the issue of children and upbringing, single parents should first bear in mind that their welfare is important, as well. The parents are the people whom children look up to and seek assurance and safety. If, children see their parent unhealthy, unstable, and stressed; then, they too become unhealthy, unstable, and stressed. This is in parallel with the learning theory by virtue of modeling. Problems should not be kept inside. These should be shared and talked to family (parents, brothers, relatives, and sometimes children) and close friends. Even if, they do not give advice, just by pouring your worries, the emotions and stress will be released, and, life will be significantly bearable.
focus on the issue of children
Attention is one of the most important factors to raise children effectively. By paying attention, a parent may know and observe how his/her children are behaving, thinking, and feeling. No matter how tired or busy, be sure to give time to them. Entrusting them to other caregivers, blood related or otherwise, will not be as effective when they are cared by their parents. Although it can be tempting, the importance of patience should be observed when dealing with children – their actions and questions. When, parents tend to neglect them, for an extended period of time, children tend to act unruly and misbehave to catch their parent’s attention. Recurring questions about the reasons of the family break-up will eventually be asked. Communication and intimacy should always be maintained in the family as these will be the adhesive that connects each and every one.
Professional Assistance
The Green Bay Diocese provides support to everyone regardless of race, gender, religious affiliation, nationality, and even, the capacity to compensate. They can be contacted at (920) 272-8234, with a toll-free line of 1-877-500-3580 ext. 8234. The National Parent Helpline can be contacted at 1-855-427-2736. They are available from Monday to Friday 10:00 AM PST to 7:00 PM PST. They give support, advices, and, will listen to the parents’ problems. This Helpline is operated by the Parents Anonymous group. In their website, http://www.parentsanonymous.org,they have different projects and materials available for parents. Specifically, they offer research and consultation services, training and technical assistance, and, parent and shared leadership training. They can be contacted at (909) 236-5757 (phone), at (909) 236-5758 (fax), and, for general inquiries, they can be contacted through . Their office is situated at 981 Corporate Center Drive, Suite 100, Pomona, CA 91768.
“Parents Without Partners” is an educational organization for single parents. They have an online chat room, magazines specifically tailored for single parents, articles for development guidelines and personal growth, annual convention, and local chapter activities. They can be contacted at 1-800-637-7974, or, at their website www.parentswithoutpartners.org.Their office is located at 1100-H Brandywine Blvd., Zanesville, Ohio, 43701-7303. The Single Family Voice is a community for single parents where they share support, different information, and understands one another. This was founded in the year 1997 and can be accessed at www.singlefamilyvoices.com.Visit the website of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors at www.aapc.orgto find the nearest counselor available in your area. They can also be contacted at (703) 385-6967 (phone) and at (703) 352-7725 (fax). This organization aims to heal and bring hope to everyone – individual, family, groups, or communities – through counseling and guidance grounded in spirituality.
Single Moms and Intimate Relationships: Fears and Dating Tips
Single Moms and Intimate Relationships
Once you become a single mother, your priorities shifts. You focus on your children and how you are going to provide for their needs. You work hard to make ends meet and to keep everything together. And, dating would not seem like an option. However, when you do realize that you want to have an intimate relationship with someone, you’re finding out that dating is not as easy as it used to be.
Fears of a Single Mother on Dating
A single mother may be wary when it comes to dating after a long time of being ‘alone’. Because of her previous bad relationship, she lacks confidence in herself and no longer trusts her judgment on men. They also have a lot of fears that usually involves finding the ‘right guy’ and the safety of their children. A single mother may find it difficult to trust and let someone in because she is afraid of getting hurt again. She worries that the man she loves will not love her back, or she, herself, would not love that man fully. Knowing the hardships of having a family, she fears that the new man will leave her because of the perceived hardship in the future. Or, the man will simply leave her like her husband did. The welfare of her children is also a major factor why a single mom distances herself from intimate relationships. She is concerned that she will meet someone who will hurt her kids. She is also scared that the children will not accept a new man in their life. As a result, she stays guarded and pushes away the good men. Or worse, she does not involve herself to dating at all.
Do’s and Don’ts on Dating
Being apprehensive or afraid when it comes to relationships is normal. Wanting to avoid pain, rejection and hurt is perfectly okay. However, a single mother tends to overreact and focuses on the wrong things before they even happen. Doing so prevents her from getting to know the man more and determining whether he is a suitable partner or not. There are also times when she divulges too much information on the first few dates. As a result, the man may feel intimidated and doesn’t want to date her anymore. Other single moms who found new men in their lives often allows the relationship to proceed too fast instead of taking their time getting acquainted with each other. And, before they know it, he’s gone out of the door.
Tips on Dating
Before embarking on a new relationship, you have to make sure that your children are ready. Talk to them about your plan and keep them in mind when you start dating since they are a major part of your life and who you choose as a partner affects them, too. When you have secured your kids’ readiness and approval, the following are tips to get you started on the dating scene.
Take a risk and don’t be afraid to get hurt
- Take a risk and don’t be afraid to get hurt. It is normal to experience pain and despair in a relationship. Love is a gamble, sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. However, you would not win at all if you take a chance and bet on it.
- Take it slow. Don’t rush into things once you believe you have found the right man. Like most relationships, it needs time and effort. Let your children be comfortable with your new partner and vice versa. When you get involved in a relationship too quickly, you risk not only yourself but your children as well.
- The “no cellphones” rule doesn’t apply to you. Since you are a still a mother, you have to be available for your kids at all time. You can pick up your phone on dates but it has to be limited on children-related calls only. Explain to your potential partner that it is your child calling. If he is uncomfortable with it, take it as a sign that he is not ready for you and your situation.
- Set goals and criteria in dating. Determine if you are dating just for fun or is it because you want to have a serious relationship and a new father-figure for your kids. It is important, so that you can avoid developing emotions on men who are in it just for a good time, or playing around with men who want to have a serious relationship with you.
- It is okay to not talk about your children in the early stages of the relationship. If you are uncomfortable about sharing this part of your life to your date, then don’t. It is not required that you tell him about this chapter of your life. But, don’t pretend that you don’t have children so you can have a date.
- Ensure that your partner has no problems with you being a single mother. Some men have trouble accepting your role as a single mother and do not grasp the responsibility that comes with it. Make sure that he has no problems with having children and is willing to take on the task of being a father-figure to them.
Finding the right man for you and your children is not an easy task. But with patience, courage and perseverance, you will surely get that second chance to happily ever after.
Online sites for single mothers
The following are sites that you can visit if you are having problems with dating or on any area of your life.
www.mssinglemama.com – In here, you can share experiences, tips and advices with single mothers just like you.
www.4therapy.com – Is a site where you can look for professional help. Locate therapists and facilities near you, and read on articles about therapeutic interventions.
You can visit these sites if you wish to find potential partners online.
www.singleparentpassions.com – is a free dating and social networking site for single parent.
www.match.com – this site allows you to find potential partners in your area.
Finding a Suitable Father-figure in the Absence or Death of a husband
Suitable Father-figure
As a mother, you want to give your child everything that he needs. Sure, you can work hard to provide for him or spend countless hours to give him all the love and care you can possibly give. But, deep down inside, you know that something is missing. Try as you might, there are just things that you can’t give – things that can only be given by a father.
A father-figure and your kids
It is inherent in children to expect a father in their lives when exploring the world. A family primarily consists of a mother, father and child. So, there could be serious problems when one is missing. A child, especially boys, need their father when growing up. A father gives them a sense of security, source of strength, discipline and confidence.A fatherless child can have difficulties relating to the male population since there is a lack of prominent male figure in the family that he can learn from. He sees that his friends and classmates have mothers and fathers, and questions why he doesn’t have one. He will feel abandoned and unwanted. So, he can develop a low self-esteem, depression, confusion, and anger. They also perform poorly at school and tend to be destructive to others and even to their selves.
Boys with no fathers are more common to develop depression, high-risk behaviors and addiction than with boys who grow up with their fathers. They tend to do criminal acts, violence and difficulties following males in society. And in worst cases, they resort to suicide. Girls who grow up without a father tend to become promiscuous. They also form relationships with older men. This is because they subconsciously try to fill up the fatherly love that they have been missing.In order to prevent the negative effects of not having a father figure in your children is by ensuring that your kids have a lot of positive role-models around them. It may not replace their biological father, nor can it relieve their feelings of loss, it can, however, help in making a positive father-child relationship that may otherwise be lacking.
What to look for in a father-figure?
There are variety of options for you and your children in choosing a good father-figure. But before you pick-out a “father” you need to establish the traits that you want your kids to learn. If you want them to learn discipline, find a man who is a good teacher of discipline. If your kids need help in their esteem, look for one who can boost their confidence and perception of self. Determining what your children need to know or develop when growing up is significant in finding a suitable father-figure for them.
Who can be a suitable father-figure for your kids?
Father-figures don’t have to have an intimate relationship with you. They can be a relative such as an uncle, grandfather, older cousins. They can also come from your friends or in the community. Your children can also see their teachers as male role-models. However, if you are planning on dating someone, you need to consider his traits and characteristics and if he can become someone whom your children can look-up to. Whoever it is, they need to realize that they have a great influence in your children and that they should consider it as a serious matter.
Points to remember
building a relationship between your children and their father-figure.
The following are things to remember in building a relationship between your children and their father-figure.
- Ensure the readiness of your child and their father-figure. First and foremost, you have to make sure that your children are ready for a father-figure. If a child is not ready, he will not accept this male role-model and often shuts himself to him. On the other hand, if the father-figure is not ready to assume responsibility, he will have less commitment to his role. This leads to more feelings of abandonment and loss.
- Ensure safety. As a mother, you want to make sure that your kids are safe in the hands of the people you entrust them to. Therefore, monitor your child while interacting with his father-figure without. But, give them some space and maintain a non-controlling environment.
- Avoid having multiple father-figures. This is to prevent having the child think that anyone can be a role-model for him. You don’t want your kids learning from bad men, do you? Have you children spend time with a family member or significant others one at a time. Also ask him about the people that he looks up to in the community or at school. By doing so, you can know who your kids are associating with and can determine if they are suitable for them.
- Closeness is essential. It is useless having a father-figure who doesn’t spend time with your kids. Children want to play with him, be visited at school or at home, and talk to him when they have problems. So stress the importance of him being a father-figure and the responsibility that goes with it.
Family is important to a growing child. It is in the home setting that he learns about moral values and good behaviors. It is where he first develops strong relationships and learns about loving and being loved. So, if you are a single mother, it is imperative that you find a good father-figure for your kid.
For more information, you can visit these sites:
- www.makinglemonade.com (The single parent network) is an online portal for single parents. It provides articles and information that is helpful for all single parents out there.
- Big Brother Big Sister Organization is a nonprofit organization who aims to provide children with professionally supported one-on-one relationships that can change their lives for the better. You can visit them at www.bbbs.org or contact them at (215) 567-7000 – phone or (215) 567-0394 – fax. Or mail them at Big Brothers Big Sisters National Office, 230 North 13th Street, Philadelphia, PA 19107.