The Best Ways a Single Mom Can Build a Relationship with her Children
single-parenting issues
Nowadays, talking about single-parenting issues is common and their downside effects to kids which lead to some single parents to ponder that there is less they can prepare to have a prosperous household, for all they know not all kids growing up in single-parent families experience negative repercussions. Furthermore, concentrating on the mistakes and problems does not help single parents and their kids to have a better relationship. For the fact that every child has their own unique needs, it made parenting to be very challenging. The best method meeting the needs of the children is to build a strong relationship with them from the time they were born. Parents should always consider how actions will positively or negatively affect the development of the relationship since what parents say and do to their children will serve as determinant on what kind of relationship they have. Being a single mom often requires much more responsibility because you don’t only need to be a mom for your kid but a dad as well.
Incorporate trust
This one is very complicated for most parents. Most mother and father believe their kid will create the right option when they are around others. The big issue comes when the kid goes against the trust. When your kid has disregarded your belief, never assault their personality but let them know you are dissatisfied to what they have been doing. When you are upset with your child’s actions, connect your thoughts with respect.Let the kid know what is needed to restore the trust. You should self-discipline them for breaking the trust and don’t go crazy. Self-discipline should depend on present activities and should not be used as a drop zone for past habits.
Being Intimate
To create a powerful connection with your child, you need to know what is going on within of the child’s heart. In order to know your children, you need to see them individualistically. Great methods to create connections are when having breakfast, having dinner together or going to church together. However, individual time invested with each of them will give you an opportunity to create a further and much deeper connection. A healthy relationship is designed by making an investment time with your children.
Showing love
In any way your child comes and approaches you, it is important to tell them you love them. Always make them feel it even by means of a simple hug, this will make them relate to you as well as relate to others. Saying the word “I love you” to your child will have a great impact on their perception about you and it’s more highly effective. You have the power to change your child’s view of life.
Reverence
Respecting your child is very important especially in front of others regardless of their behaviour because this will teach them and make them think for themselves how to respect you and others. Embarrassing them in front of other people to correct a negative attitude of them might not be a good idea since this will work for short period of time but later on it will backfire.
Honesty
Show your child how important is honesty in a relationship. This will allow them higher achievements and you have excellent factors to delight them in their achievements. When you see your kid being unethical, deal with them right away. Make sure you have all your information before talking about the problem. Ask your child about a different option that could have been made.
honesty in a relationship
Confirmation
Every child wishes to obtain affirmation from their mother and father about the amazing things they are doing. Make a reward for your child for the small problems as well as the huge factors they do well. When they create an incorrect option, you must create a big cope of it. It’s not always about the excellent achievements your child does but it’s also about the tiny problems that will lead to excellent achievements.
Taking Efforts
When the child have committed a wrong choice, take the time in talking to your child why they have committed such mistake. As parent, it will take a lot of effort for you to understand your child when they have committed wrong choices. Avoid getting angry easily so that the
communication between you and your child will remain open. Kids often tell the reason for their decisions when they are ready and the relationship between you and them is vigorous.
Taking opportunities
If possible do not miss any opportunity that will come to you especially when it comes to supporting your child, do everything to support them; also, avoid getting too busy that will drain you and your child because when you become too busy, there’s the tendency that your attitude might change and become nasty which will definitely result to damage between you and your child’s relationship with each other. You must set and understand what are your limitations as well as your child’s.
Being nice
You must explain to your child the value of being nice by being their role model.When your child is around you, they are observing everything you do. Your kid is observing how you cure others. You will never be an ideal parent, but should generate great ethical principles in your child’s lifestyle. If you feel you have failed your child, let go of those thoughts, start over again by making an investment sensibly in your child’s lifestyle.
Intelligence
Use your Intellect to cope with your child’s bad and the good actions. Implement various techniques to pay attention, comprehend and connect to your child. If you are suffering from issues with connections within your family, don’t think twice to get engaged in a life skills class or workshops. You are not alone; there are many mother and father who are in the same place. You for one can make a difference.
The Need of Single Parents for Financial Support
Need of Single Parents
Most often than not, when people hear the world single parent, especially if referring to a woman, they would assume that the woman is destitute and in need of help. This assumption also comes from another assumption: the woman has been impregnated at a young age, thus, she did not finish school, her parents have abandoned her to her plight, and now, she cannot fully support herself and her child. Most of the time these assumptions are correct, and, most single mothers do indeed need financial assistance. Actually, not only financial support, but, also emotional and mental assistance. Now, because of this helpless need, government across the whole world, and, Non-Government Organizations have set up different forms of aids and assistance. Most often than not, theaids come in the form of monetary allowances, but, these aids may also come as scholarships and others.
Scholarship Programs
For low income mothers and children, there is the Patsy Takemoto Mink Education Foundation. This foundation was established in 2003 by Patsy Takemoto Mink, the first woman of color to be elected to the United States House of Representative.Unlike most foundations and grants for women, Patsy Takemoto Mink Education foundation does not require a woman to be a single mother in order to qualify.In order to qualify, a woman should be at least seventeen years old, and, a mother of at least one minor child. The applicant must be enrolled in an accredited program during the current academic year in skills training (ESL or GED program), or, pursuing a vocational or vocational degree, an associate’s degree, a first bachelor’s degree, or, a professional/master’s/doctoral degree.Lastly, her family’s annual should not exceed $26,500 for a family of four.Check their website at www.patsyminkfoundation.org for more information.
Jeanette Rankin Women’s Scholarship Fund awards scholarship for women above 35 regardless of race, creed, religion, color, ancestry, marital status, sexual orientation, national origin, or physical disability. She only needs to be of low income – no more than $54, 347 for a family with six members – and, must be a permanent resident or citizen of the United States of America. The applicant must be enrolled in, or accepted to, a regionally or ACICS accredited school, and, pursuing a technical or vocational education, an associate’s degree, or a first bachelor’s degree. Factors such as goals, plans for reaching the goals, challenges in life that were faced, and, financial situation, will play a big role in the selection process. For more information, visit their website at www.rankinfoundation.org.
Housing Projects
Different states across the United States of America have different housing programs for people who are homeless or needs shelter, whether transitional or permanent housing. Transitional housing refers to immediate or emergency housing for families, homeless individuals, and victims of domestic violence. Permanent housing, as the word denotes, is a program to assist families, homeless individuals, and victims, but, on a long and stable term. However, keep in mind that although there are free housing projects, which do not require people to pay, there are housing projects that are labeled as “loan”, which means that people have to pay the organization or government, although in small amounts. Visit the website of HELP USA at www.helpusa.org for more detailed information.
different housing programs for people
HELP Women’s Center,situated at116 Williams Avenue,Brooklyn, NY 11207, is a transitional home which serves women 18 years and older. They also offer medical and psychological assistance. They may be contacted at 718-483-7700 (phone) and 718-240-9195 (fax). Challenged individuals have the opportunity to regain their independence at St. Vincent HELP Apartments. These apartments are located at 1516 N. Main Street,Las Vegas, NV 89101. The Catholic Charities of Southern Nevada, who runs the apartments, can be contacted at 702-382-6727.A 76-unit transitional housing facility for homeless families is located at 685 Brookhaven Avenue, North Bellport, New York 11735. This housing complex (HELP Suffolk) can house a maximum of 100 adults and 200 children. They can be contacted at 631-286-2400 (phone) and 631-286-4173 (fax).Another transitional housing facility for homeless families is the HELP I which is situated at 515 Blake Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11207. They can be contacted at 718-498-4002 (phone) and 718-485-5916 (fax). These transitional houses also offer services on medical, dental, mental health, Day Care, after school programs, and much more.
Genesis RFK Apartments at Union Square was built in 1995. It has 94 units, and, has a program that provides early childhood educational services. This is located at 113 East 13th Street, New York, NY 10003. They can be contacted at 646-619-9970 (phone) and 212-614-6937 (fax). Located at 68 Mt Pleasant Ave., Newark, NJ 07104, Newark Genesis JBJ Soul Apartments has 51 units for permanent residency and rental. It also has a 2, 500 square feet of open space for the community. Low income families and clients of Broadway House with HIV/AIDS are welcome here. Situated at 240 Franklin Avenue, Mount Vernon, NY 10550, WestHELP Mount Vernon can be contacted at 914-665-5402 (phone) and 914-665-3626 (fax). This permanent housing facility can accommodate 46 families, and, offers On-site day care services, case management, medical assistance, employment resource center, and so much more.
Assistance and Support Programs
Medicaid is a medical service for mothers with dependent children. More information is found at www.medicaid.gov.Individuals who are more than 65 years old are not qualified for this assistance. Pregnant women, low income families, children below 19 years old, and, caretakers of a minor child, may avail this service provided that the applicants qualify at the stated federal poverty level, which is 133%. Also, caretakers must be related by blood to the children. Children should be students in a secondary school, and, deprived of parental support because of at least one parent’s death, absence from home, physical or mental incapacity, or unemployment.
There are other programs provided by the government andnongovernment organizations, such as child care assistance, capital for a small business, nutrition for women, infants and children, and some more.
Single Moms: How to Seek for Available Help for Emotionally Stressed Children Due to Separation or Divorce of Parents
Emotionally Stressed Children
Unlike in some countries, the United States of America has a high rate of divorce and single parenthood. In other countries, like the Philippines, there is no divorce, but, annulment and legal separation only. Legal separation entails that the couple is still married, but, lives in different houses. Annulment, on the other hand, this legally separates the couple as if their marriage had never happened. This type of separation makes any children sired during the married years illegitimate, plus, it takes years to process and would need a strong and valid reason. Meanwhile, divorce is a legal termination which has less strict rules than annulment.
How Divorce Affects Children
Any type of family separation affects the children, whether it is annulment, legal separation, or divorce. Children, no matter what, would assume that they were the cause of the separation; thus, they would feel guilty. Because of the feelings of guilt, children whose parents have divorced will lose their self-esteem, make them feel that they are bad children, and, most often than not, experience depression. Emotional turmoil may manifest physically, as well. This may come in terms of insomnia, appetite problems, indulging in alcohol, and others. Most of the time, the parents who have the custody of the child or children, it is usually the mothers, fail to notice the psychological, physical, and emotional problems manifested by the children. After all, they too are adjusting, as well. So, what started as small problems and negative feelings will escalate until the morality, behavior, and the way of thinking of the children changes.
Most often than not, children become rebellious, angry at themselves, and at their parents. This often results in failing the subjects at school, whether intentional or not. Children tend to be unable to stay focused and have the energy or motivation to do well. Befriending the wrong group of people and indulging in delinquency is another major problem experienced by children coming from divorced families. Because of their anger, they tend to expend their emotions and energy towards physically violent methods, usually bullying and gang fights. Also, these children tend to experiment on methods to relieve their problems and emotions, such as drugs and too much indulging in sex. Several studies have revealed that most children from divorced families tend to have problems creating and maintaining relationships, whether with family members, friends, and other intimate relationships. This could be caused by their fear of rejection, and, fear of having to experience such situation (family separation) again.
Self Help Tips and Methods
There are various methods that may help ease the pain, confusion, and other emotions, from the children. First, when a couple has finally decided to make the move to separate, they should announce their decision together. Children should be told the whole truth, what changes in their lives would be, and, they should always be reminded of their parents’ love. The children should be allowed to express their emotions, thoughts, and questions. In turn, the parents should clear any misunderstanding, like the cause of separation, and, should be patient – children, more often than not, tend to resist the changes. They should also be reassured that no matter what, they will not be alone in life. That, even though the parents separate, the children will always remain as their children – loved and well-cared.
various methods that may help ease the pain
When, the papers have been finally signed, the judge had acknowledged the separation, and, the couple is no longer living together, single mothers, most of the time the mothers get the custody, should never forget their health. In order to reassure the children that they will be taken care off, the parent herself/himself should also take care of his/her body. They should exercise and eat healthily. Children should be encouraged to talk and express themselves. Honesty should be encouraged, and, their emotions and fears should be acknowledged. Closeness should also be maintained in order to assist the children in the period of transition. Single parents should remember that they are not alone, thus, should not face their problems on their own. Talking to family and friends will greatly help, or, they could seek professional assistance.
Seeking Professional Help
If family and friends are not enough, professionals are ready to assist. Keep in mind that the government of the United States of America and Non-Government Organizations provide emotional and psychological assistance to single parents and their families. The National Parent Helpline (www.nationalparenthelpline.org) is operated by Parents Anonymous® Inc., which can be contacted at 1-855-427-2736 for emotional support, and help, of being a parent, and, for advices and strategies in order to maintain family happiness and strength. Their hotline is open Monday to Friday from 10:00 AM PST to 7:00 PM PST. For families already having trouble with children’s behavior, the Non-Government Organization “Because I Love You” (BILY) helps parents deal with children having problems like delinquency, drugs, problematic friends, school problems, and others. This Non-Government Organization can be contacted at their phone 818-884-8242, or, at their website bily.org.
The Boys Town National HotlineSMis accredited by the American Association of Suicidiology (AAS), and, helps families and children from different situations and problems, such as prevention of suicide, anger, parenting troubles, school issues, depression, relationship problems, addiction, and so much more. Their national hotline, 1-800-448-3000, is open 24 hours a day every day. The hotline 1-800-448-1833 is for counselors who speak Spanish and translation services in more than 140 languages. More information is available at www.boystown.org national-hotline.
Catholic Charities also offers help regardless of religion, race, nationality, or ability to pay. They can be contacted at 920-272-8234, or, toll-free: 1-877-500 ext. 8234. Visit www.gbdioc.org for more information. They have main offices in Green Bay, Manitowoc, Fox Cities, Marinette, and Oshkosh. There outreach offices are in Sturgeon Bay, Waupaca, and Wautoma. Remember, payment can be free for people who cannot afford to pay. You are not alone. Call for help and support.
How to Date a Single Mom with Kids
Dating Single Mom with Kids
Single moms, those who had their kids with them in particular, often fear about what type of man could possibly fit into their two-person household. They fear a lot about different factors, from whether or not their future husband will absolutely agree to own the kids as his own, to in-law problems and even how to go about raising their kid with a partner when in fact they have already done it for such a long time on their own. Single man think of single mom as equivalent to a baggage and most men felt shy from it. However, many men would also have the outlook to date a single mom to be an excellent chance because they are older, knowledgeable and has less drama. It can be a tough challenge for even those who are most-intentioned suitor but if you are single who is enthusiastic about having a relationship with a single mom, there many significant factors that you should consider.
Keep in mind that you are dating a person
A lady wants to be perceived and valued for all of her features, not to be assessed by a part she didn’t actually prepare on enjoying. It’s essential that from the beginning of the relationship to set up your attention in the amazing, suitable young lady seated with you, not the single mom who had to contact child care providers before having a date. If you really want to discover a long-term connection with this person, you must focus on a one-on-one stage of closeness first. There will always be time to meet up her kids and change your connection with her later. In the beginning, it’s about getting to know and believe in the person she is always been.
Meet her children and expect to be involved with them
Most single moms are hesitant to take this step. You must feel grateful that she is counting you as a part in the most important part of her life. Put yourself in the shoes of the children for a moment. They’ve already lost a meaningful relationship with their own dad, and now mom wants to bring someone new into their home. Children of single mothers often feel too much anxiety about meeting their moms new boyfriend, “Boyfriend” isn’t a word in their vocabularies; for them moms don’t have boyfriends, they have dads to which will live and look after them. Allow her some time to sit with her older children and tell them all about how good you are to her and how much you want to spend time with them.
Accept that her kids will always come first
You have to keep in mind that her children will always be her top concern but that does not mean that you are less important to her or she does not need you. This implies that she has children that she is looking after and she is accountable for their needs. Single parents often fear that all of their cancellations and postponements will be seen as an indication of apathy in the loving part. You need to connect and be versatile because she can convert down your time at some point. If she recognizes that you are versatile she won’t have to be so worried about the changes of plans.
Be understanding especially for her time
Single moms usually have divided time between her children, her social being, and a thousand other obligations that she has. Given this, it’s a wise decision to be a little polite to give her enough time in which she has to do all of those things for herself. It shouldn’t come to the point that you will make her pick you instead of them. Discover about the legal care agreement of her children and you’ll know when she is available. Also check out when her children will have their free time so that you can look forward in preparing anything with her.
Internet searches about single parents give way numerous numbers of single parent dating sites, whether you are a single mom or dad, you may find yourself the role of a single parent temporary or for a lifetime; but it doesn’t matter, here are some of the resources that will help you how to deal with it.
For online dating of interest:
- www.eharmony.com - by simply taking their personality profile and get immediate, objective feedback on yourself and how you relate to others.
- www. friendfinder.com - always has a large number of personal listings, articles and advice for single men and women.
- www.ph.match.com – continues to redefine the way single men and women meet, flirt, date and fall madly in love, proving individual men and women are serious about discovering love available on the internet.
- www.matchmaker.com - an online dating site consisting of 35 years and above serious single men and women focused on discovering long-term serious affairs. Join free matchmaking dating website today and discover true love, search through an incredible number of individual men and women in your area and don’t let love pass you by.
- www.spark.com – Formerly American Singles that has an incredible number of members from all ages, backgrounds, careers and ages, who are looking for others to share their experiences. New single men and women are joining all the time and tons of connections.
- www.perfectmatch.com – an online dating site, matchmaker and relationship services created to introduce to compatible local single men and women, also ideal for adult pursuing connections and features chief connection expert Dr. Pepper Schwartz.
- www.seniorfriendfinder.com - helps mature single men and women create and build meaningful relationships on the internet. Choose a large number of photos of individual men and women over 60 and enjoy chat rooms, instant messaging, galleries, and more.
Single Mothers and Dating: Children Meets New Partner
new partner to your children
Dating had been fairly tough on you, but you managed to come through and were able to find a great man. Now, you want to move to the next level and let him meet the rest of your family. But, how can you start the contact between them without jeopardizing the welfare of your kids and your relationship?
Introducing your new partner to your children is a very sensitive matter to a single mother such as yourself. It highly depends on the age and maturity of the children, and how much you want them to know. The following talks about initiating contact between your new man and your kids.Is my partner ready for my kids?
Before you start any introduction, you must ensure that you are in a committed relationship. You should be able to see your partner as part of your family in the future. And that both of you are able to understand what that would mean for you and your kids. Your children are at a risk of feeling abandoned once your partner leaves if he can’t handle the responsibility of being their father.
Introducing your dates to your children is completely unnecessary until you are sure that there is an intact commitment. If your partner insists to meet them, then this is a warning. Your kid’s happiness and welfare is more important than his desire for an introduction.
When will I know if my kids are ready?
Unfortunately, there are no ways of determining if your children are ready for a new father figure in their lives. The only thing you can do is to take it slow. Don’t surprise them with the news that you are dating again. Children will get worried that their mother is dating a stranger. On the other hand, they will feel bad for the other parent because you have already found someone else. So, before you let them meet the new partner, make sure that they can handle this relationship. You can ask them about their aspirations regarding your family and the traits that they would want in someone who will join your family. And lastly, trust your instinct. As their mother, you will know what is best for them.
How can my kids meet my new partner?
If you have younger children, do not tell them that they are going to meet your new boyfriend, because it will cause apprehension and confusion. Instead say that you are meeting a friend over dinner or an activity. This allows younger kids to absorb and adapt naturally to the thought that their mother is dating someone else.
Alternatively for older kids, you may choose not to tell them about your love life. It depends on the divorce and if the kids had a hard time during that time. This is a highly personal matter and must only be shared to the children if you are sure that they can handle it.
When planning the actual introduction, choose an activity that you all can do like mini-golf or eating pizza outside. It gives a chance for everyone to meet without having to make long conversations. Just have fun and be yourself.What possible problems can we encounter and how to solve it?
Children reject the new partner
Children reject the new partner
There are several factors that lead a child to rejecting your partner. One factor is that you have made the introductions too early. Another is that your child is not fully prepared to have another man in the family. In order to prevent such thing from happening, make certain that your kids are ready to meet your partner.
But if even though you have prepared them well enough and they still act out, then take on a different strategy. First of all, do not blame your kids for their bad behavior. Blaming will only intensify their negativism and apprehension. Instead, talk to them privately and ask about their feelings and what they are thinking about the whole thing. And who knows, you may find out that the reason behind their behavior is not about your new relationship at all. Communicating in a calm manner will also strengthen the bond that you and your kids share.
Abandonment
One of the major problems that kids encounter when their parent obtains a relationship with a new person is abandonment. They may feel that they will be left behind now that you have another man in your life. They think that all your time will be spent on dates and activities with your partner. As a result, they become depressed and distance themselves from you. Sometimes, they act out badly and do poorly at school. To prevent this, you must assure them that they are your priority and that having a new partner does not mean that they will be forgotten. Constantly show how much you love them and be sincere about it. And never forget to include your children in activities that all of you can do together such as picnics, beach parties, and camping trips. In addition, doing such things together may also spark a certain bond between your kids and your new partner.
Seeing their mother with somebody else may be tough for children, especially if they have been close to their other parent. So, be considerate about their feelings. Remember that they are your first and foremost priority and that their happiness is just as important as yours. On the other hand, do not forget that after all, they are your kids and not your master. Their disapproval should not be a hindrance to your relationship. Be patient and give them time to adjust to the new situation. If they see that you are happy then they will surely be happy for you as well.
For more information, you can visit www.singlemom.com which offers advices, tips and resources for single mothers.
You can read blogs, discuss problems and share your experiences with other single parents at www.families.com.
Single Motherhood: Ineffective Coping due to a Loss of Husband or Stress
a Loss of Husband or Stress
Marriage and Loss
“Until death do us part…”
To a woman, these five words open up a door to a new world. A world filled with hope, happiness, and security. Where she may love and be loved unconditionally. And, make a family that she can call her own. A place where she will be able to spend the rest of her life fulfilled and contented. But, what happens when this paradise loses its land – the very foundation in which it was built. Will she continue living in the fairy tale world she had been living? Or will it turn into a nightmare?
The loss of a husband is very devastating to a woman. According to Kubler-Ross (Bereavement Theory), there are 5 stages of grief. If a woman fails to cope with one stage, is unable to move forward and overcome her grieving. They are as follows:
Stages of Grief
- Denial – In this stage, the woman refuses to believe what is happening. She is unable to accept the certainty of her loss. She thinks that if she denies it, then it isn’t true. However, this is just a temporary phase that enables her to grasp and absorb what is happening before moving on.
- Anger – The woman progresses to this phase when she realizes the actuality of her situation. The woman becomes angry and finds things that she can blame for the things that are occurring. She may blame people, her family, friends, herself, and even her children.
- Bargaining – This is a natural reaction common in women who are facing significant changes after her husband’s death. For example, providing for her children’s needs and being alone. She often makes ‘promises’ or ‘deals’ in order not to experience these modifications. It is merely an attempt to delay the inevitable.
- Depression – The reality of the loss sets-in when she understands that bargaining is not going to work. She now becomes aware of the changes that are going to happen to her and her family. In this stage, she becomes depressed and passive. Her ability to perform activities of daily living is affected.
- Acceptance – The last phase in the grieving process is the most difficult to accomplish. In here, the woman sees her husband’s death as an unchangeable fact. She now accepts her situation and is now starting to make plans on how to live with the change. This does not mean that she is already happy, but rather she is contemplating the possibilities for her and her family.
Overcoming Your Grief
Single mothers experience a lot of changes after her husband’s passing. She has to deal with her emotions while taking care of her children’s needs. Not only does she have to act as a mother, but as a father as well. A woman might find it hard to cope with these responsibilities and stresses. Here are a few guides or suggestions towards conquering these challenges.
responsibilities and stresses
- Expect to feel a wide-range of emotions. Discovering and acknowledging your feelings is the first step towards recovery. Determine the different emotions you’re experiencing and find ways to help you cope up.
- Don’t be afraid to cry and mourn. Mourning is an expression of your emotions and thoughts regarding your husband’s death. Experiencing the death of someone you love is an ordeal. It makes you sad, depressed, and disoriented. Crying can help in releasing these overwhelming feelings. It is an important part of healing. Crying your heart out is not a shameful act nor does it mean weakness.
- Verbalize your thoughts and feelings. Talk to people about your grief. Share about what you’re thinking and feeling about your husband’s death. Sharing releases pent up emotions and initiates the healing process. Furthermore, reminisce about your husband and the times that you have shared together. These memories may bring out laughter and tears. Always remember to never cast aside your emotions. Speaking out doesn’t mean that you’re losing control. It’s just a part of the normal grieving process.
- Understanding people is important. Most often, people have no idea how to respond to a loss. So, they usually say and do insensitive things. They don’t realize that what they’re saying or doing are making you uncomfortable. If this happens, look beyond their actions and forgive them. Reassure them that it’s okay to talk about your husband, give you a hug or look at you in the eye. These people mean well and only want to show that they care.
- Find a suitable support system. Surround yourself with people who understand what you’re going through. You can count on friends and families for support during this experience. You can also look up support groups in your community who share the same situation with you. In choosing your support system, ensure that they work alongside you and not in front of you. Don’t let them make decisions for your life. They are there not to dictate but to support.
- Take care of your body. Your sadness may leave you unable to care for yourself or family. Your passivity makes it difficult to make decisions. You constantly have a low energy and are always tired. Accept what your body and mind is telling you. Eat a healthy diet, exercise, and have enough rest. Take your time doing things and don’t be too hard on yourself. Ask for help from your family if you think you can’t handle things around the house. Once again, they are always there to help you get through this process.
- Look forward to the future. As of the moment, you’re worried on how to live normally and provide for your children. The future often causes you to be anxious. Therefore, make plans for you and your family. Discard old responsibilities and develop new ones. Live your life one day at a time. Remember, grieving is a slow process. You need to be patient and tolerant in order to move on. Take this experience, grow, and learn from it.
Lack of Support for Single Mothers
single mothers struggle financially
Many single mothers struggle financially and experience high levels of stress and depression. Their children are at higher risk of emotional problems as well as failure in academics and develop social problems. Single mothers handle many obligations such as financial obligation, housekeeping, and being a mother or father. In addition, they lack encouraging partner to turn to for advice, collaboration, and comfort. The pressure in the woman’s life and the way she offers with it also affects her kid. Single mothers may come in contact with tremendous pressure due to the need to provide the economical needs of the family simultaneously with looking after for the home as well as those obligations that are typically assumed by men, obtaining new abilities, and nurturing, all at the same time. The shame of being a single mother is not only having the worries of what people might say or think about you as a single mother but also the burden to the society for living on social assistance; if you are not a part of a two-parent working family, you are worth less than the others — Single mothers on assistance often felt they are useless.
Getting over people’s false impression and opinion as a single mother
“She decided to be a single mother from the beginning” – this can be true for some single mothers. Some choose to have a child without the worry of the irritation and headache that may come; perhaps they just wanted to have their autonomy in raising their child in their own values. This may be true to some but usually, most mothers who choose to raise their child on their own is in a financial situation to do so, seldom, they are single mothers you witness on social assistance. “She prefer to leave the father, it’s her problem!”- This is true in some cases except for “it’s her problem”. Society today still turns a shaded eye to the abuse that may be happening within a family’s home. The society refers abuse to physical aspect only, but definitely, emotional, psychological and yes! Sexual abuse may happen to a couple who are in a relationship; by any means, the woman may leave an abusive relationship and that certainly do not make it as “her problem” so the impression of her being a “burden to the society” is already put upon her as she tries to run off the abuse. Another is “she must live with it” or “the her partner leave her” – if the father leaves, there is no other option for the mother but to continue being the primary care giver and find a way to provide the family what they need. Others are “are those kids are of the same father?” “She must be lazy, she has no inspiration” – all horrible judgments branded to a single mother who tries hard to get up. Others do not understand how hard it is for a single mother to live on such pathetic social assistance.
The feeling of anger and depression
“Why stuck with the responsibility of the child all the time?” – The stress of being a single parent and the stress of living in scarcity added with the stress of keeping an eye for the kids can be equal to a disorder much of the time. The anger to yourself oftentimes is forwarded to the children because you cannot control the facet of your life anymore. “How to get this month’s expenses?” – As working single parents, get a loan, borrow from somebody or approach a bank loan for credit. Single parents find it hard especially when the time comes upon paying the bills and the feeling of fright, misery and helplessness were mixed, and again, relying on the aid organization of others will come in just to make it all the way through. All of these and a lot more gives profound depression, feelings of helplessness and crucial self hate with no pride left when looking for support to single mothers.
The stress of being a single parent
Shame and Guilt
“You are competent of working, why wouldn’t you?” – Maybe, you don’t have the learning that is suited for a job that will pay you an adequate amount of to get off yourself from welfare and live a life paying for everything. “Can’t you take care for it on your own?” – An expression that bring to mind the feeling of guilt and shame. Something would have been said but without choice, admit that you are on social support, the shame and guilt of feeling being a trouble in the society. “Ok, here’s the cash, but it should be a lesson for you next time” – Soliciting for help is somehow embarrassing and tremendously hard. The feeling of guilt comes in knowing you will ask for it again next time when you badly need it.
Here are some of links and contact info that will help you on your journey being a single mom:
- For organization that is offering services only to low-income single mom and dad, single moms in particular who face overwhelming circumstances from poverty, lack of support, etc., visit www.singlemothers.ca
- For collectively gathered sites, articles, info, government resources, online discussions, and more for anyone who is in search for single parent information, visit www.singleparentsnetwork.com
- She Cares Foundation helps single moms to give moms a second chance by creating opportunities to be successful and self sufficient. The can be reached through e-mail at: [email protected] or you mat visit their website: www.shecaresfoundation.org
- For helpful tools in helping single moms get started in search for help, visit www.singlemotherhelp.org or get in touch with them at 7401 Wiles Rd, Suite 315 Coral Springs FL 33067 US
- For you to share parenting wisdom that will help you in finding hope and encouragement, visit www.singleandparenting.org or make a call at800-395-5755, International: 919-562-2112 also visit them at 1739 Wake Forest, NC 27588
How to Start Dating After a Divorce
start dating again
After years of living with the same person, you now suddenly find yourself alone and lonely. You are overwhelmed by the thought of dating other people. And, there are no longer as many available partners as there were when you were younger.
Studies show that as we become older, the lesser we date. It is true that most divorced men and women do not want to date anymore. But for some who want to don’t know how to start dating again. If you are one of these helpless people, read on and be enlightened.When will I be ready?
All of us have the need for intimacy. You might feel a sense of loss after your divorce. And by dating someone again, you are able to fill the gap. Before you start any relationship, give yourself time to absorb the fact that you are single again. The amount of time differs from each person since each situation is unique. Don’t compare yourself to other people as this will only bring painful feelings and can lower self-esteem. As a general rule, wait 6 up to 12 months before you start seeing other people. Use this time to get closer to your children and reestablish yourself. When you feel that everything is in order then you can begin searching for love.
How can I attract suitable partners?
Believe it or not, there are many out there who are in the search for partners as you are now. So, how can you catch the attention of suitors and differentiate those who you can spend a lifetime with from those who are just looking for fun.
First, set a dating standard for yourself. This standard, or ‘social price’ as one may call it, is determined by how much you have to offer and anticipate in return. Your social price is characterized by the ability to bring about attractive traits like kindheartedness, inner strength, intellect, and fondness to a relationship. The higher you have to present, the higher you expect in return, thus raising your social price.
People often search for unseen traits that are reflected through actions, words, and body language. So, if you want to attract more people, be confident in what you do. Don’t hesitate to turn down a date for fear that you will not find someone else. Be firm about your dating standards, because you would want them to see you as someone who can be a suitable marriage partner. On the other hand, calling a partner excessively or agreeing on doing intimate activities hastily shows that you are insecure and desperate.Where can I meet great partners?
Going to bars and night clubs is alluring because it seems like an awesome place to meet your next partner. But sometimes, you end up meeting someone who doesn’t have the same interests as you. As a result, the relationship tends to be boring and doesn’t last long.
Instead, think of an activity or hobby that you like doing. For example, hiking, bike trips, or anything that perks up your interest. By doing so, you are able to meet people who are personally satisfying to you. By engaging in activities that you love, you will not feel disappointed even if you haven’t met someone that day.
If you are set up on blind dates, meet on places that are neutral such as restaurants or coffee shops. These places exhibits less pressure and expectations compared to meetings on someone’s home. Other great places to meet people are charity events, vacations, or wine tasting events. The things that connects the both of you makes your relationship will be exciting and gratifying at the same time.
Confidence is the key
What to do on dates?
Going on dates is nerve-wracking especially if it’s your first after a long period of time. The first thing that you have to remember is to be confident. Confidence is the key to reeling in that great guy. The following are tips that are helpful for you on your dates.
- Don’t compare this relationship from the previous one - A newly divorced woman tends to focus on the negative things that had happened in her previous relationship. As a result, she fails to see the good in her new partner. Remember, the person in front of you is a whole different man than the one you were with.
- Be discreet - Often, we make the common mistake of divulging too much information about ourselves on the first date. By doing so, you intimidate your partner. Talk about common interests. Casually ask questions about your partner without making it seem like you’re doing an investigation. You would want to make sure that your partner will be able to handle the complexity of your situation before you make any commitment.
- Don’t be too hasty - Allowing relationships to proceed to fast only leads to a mess. Most divorced women fear that they will not find another guy that they overlook the signs that say ‘this is not right’. So, take your time getting to know your partner well before you move on in the relationship.
- It’s okay not to talk about your kids - Your children are a sensitive issue when it comes to dating. You may choose to talk about them or not during your dates. If your partner asks about them, you can either answer or redirect the conversation. However, don’t pretend that you don’t have kids just so you can date.
Basically, you just really want to have fun when you meet new people. Let yourself enjoy their company but don’t rush things and take it slow. Be smart about dating and trust your intuition. Finding then next great guy is not an easy task. But with patience and confidence, you will surely find that special someone who will make your heart skip a beat once more.
To find great people, you can go to www.craigslist.org or visit www.meetup.com.
Visit www.topdatingtips.com for more information about dating and online dating sites.
Mistakes that Single Parents Should Avoid in Raising Children
Children out of wedlock
Being a single parent can never be an easy life. Children out of wedlock often question their mothers, since it is usually the women who experience these instances, why they do not have fathers like their neighborhood kids, friends, and classmates. Questions will always crop why their father left them. Is it because they are not beautiful or handsome? Is it because they are not intelligent or strong? These issues will always crop up. Aside from that, the time allocated for children, work, and self, are restricted and inadequate. Since there is no one to help and evaluate them on how single parents raising children, are mistakes are made, which are detrimental to the children’s growth and development.
Some Common Mistakes of Single Parents
In order to resolve questions and issues immediately, lying and scaring are always the tactics used by parents, single or otherwise. Little children often accept lies as the truth. However, since such ideas have been ingrained in their minds, this will be carried on and will be hard to refute. Children will, also, no longer believe what parents say. Because of the busy schedule, single parents often neglect their children. Using the work as an excuse. Although it is understandable that single parents have to work hard in order to give quality lifestyle raising children, keep in mind that children need constant love, reassurance, and guidance. Failures in these aspects result in children seeking the support of their peers instead. Most of the times, peers often lead people towards illicit and dangerous activities.
There are single parents who become too obsessed with the idea that children might commit mistakes in their life; therefore, they become perfectionists – expecting that their children will never fail. This puts a heavy burden on children which will eventually break them, which leads to various possible consequences. For example, they will rebel against their parents and join illicit activities just to prove their point. Also, when children fail, they become depressed, lose their minds, and sometimes, commit suicide. Contrary to an obsessed authoritative parent, single parents sometimes commit the mistake of being too lenient. Although it is a good way to have a great relationship with children – to the point where they consider their parent a best friend – young children often take this as a signal to be too familiar, to the extent where they no longer consider their parents as people who have authorities over them.
Ways to Do Things Better
Adults advocate that telling a lie is a bad habit. So, when adults lie, children also assume that telling a lie is okay. However, lying can never be avoided. Then, it would be better to tell a white lie instead of a full blown lie. Also, if lies can be avoided, then do so. Instead of lying and scaring children, it would be better to either appeal to their pity, or better yet, use discipline and other authoritative methods. Rapport and a close relationship between children and parents and among family members are important aspects in life. These aspects can only develop during quality times spent with the family. These moments need not happen in amusement parks and other places. Even at home, during household chores, parents and children can bond together. For example, a parent can ask her child to wash the dishes along with her, and, during this time, they talk about school and other topics. Better yet, although some places abhor it, discussions can happen over dinner.
Ways to Do Things Better
Making mistakes can never be avoided in life. Instead of requesting children to be perfect, it would be better to guide them towards a life where they would be able to settle their mistakes and correct them on their own, and, be able to avoid committing the same mistakes again. This way, they would gain the sense of responsibility of striving towards an improved way of life, and, they would be able to bounce back whenever they fail. While children are young, it is always wise to set rules and boundaries in which both children and parents can observe. For example, although there are issues where parents can be lenient, matters such as substance abuse and school issues, can never be overlooked. When necessary, children should be disciplined in order to correct them.
Make Use of Online Communities and Helps
The “Family Assessment, Counseling, &Education Services”, or F.A.C.E.S.for short, is an organization found at721 W. Kimberly Ave, Placentia, CA, 92870, US, and, can be accessed at www.facescal.org. They can also be phoned at (714) 993-2237, faxed at (714) 993-2241, and, emailed at [email protected]. They offer different services, such as classes for upbringing children; sharing parenting concerns;counseling children for depression, school problems, and anger management; and, so much more.
The “Single Mothers by Choice”, or SMC for short, is an online community where single mothers and women planning to be single mothers find and share information, resources, problems, and advices. The website for this online community is www.singlemothersbychoice.org. They can be contacted at their phone line (212) 988-0993, emailed at their website, and can be mailed at PO Box 1642, New York, NY 10028. This community discusses topics about parenting, donor insemination, and, adoption. They also have forums and newsletters.
The “National Parent Helpline” is a helpline accessible at www.nationalparenthelpline.org. This organization is operated by the “Parents Anonymous® Inc.”. Parents in need of emotional support and advices can call their line at 1-855-427-2736, which is available Mondays through Friday from 10 AM PST to 7 PM PST. For media inquiries, Meryl Levine should be emailed at [email protected], and, for general inquiries, email at [email protected].
Various Opportunities for Single Mothers
Opportunities for Single Mothers
Single mothers are the primary caregiver and in most cases, the sole breadwinner of the family. If you are a single mother, you will need additional support when it comes to your expenditures because for most moms, their income is not adequate to provide the needs of their family. Being a single mom has a number challenges and it can be tough. But if you are well informed and know your options then you can easily overcome these challenges. The website www.projectsinglemoms.com offers a lot of opportunities for single mothers so feel free to browse through.
Submitting an application for financial state support is the cleverest step to take but the entire procedure can be frustrating for your part. Most programs and grants demand a lot of documentation and records to establish your eligibility and so getting ready and organizing your documents ahead of time can be very beneficial. A caseworker will be assigned to you and help you with your application. He or she will provide you a list of documents that you have to fulfill. In general, candidates are provided at least ten days to process these records. After completing the necessary papers, you will be instantly informed if you meet the requirements for the program and from this point onward; the updates will be supplied to you via mail. It is essential to process your application at a quick pace. The faster, the less hassle you will face.
The Best Jobs for a Single Mom
As a single mother, the two most essential features of a job are versatility and wage. The most flexible careers include public relations, sales, real estate and health care. As an additional bonus, employees who work in those career fields have the possibilities to create reasonable earnings. Single mothers shouldn’t be self mindful throughout the interview. There are a number of ways to kindly learn if the potential employer permits its staff to perform their job from home and modify their schedule in accordance to their child care demands. It should be the first concern that should be tackled during an interview. If you are not comfortable questioning the job interviewer, consult someone else inside the company. Or you can look through the company’s internet side to see the nature of its work culture.
An example of a well paying and accommodating job in health care is to be a physical therapist. Physical therapists establish their hours based to what the patient needs and there are a lot of offices that makes it possible for them to work part-time. This site is extremely helpful for single parents who are looking for a job (www.asingleparents.com).
Scholarships for Single Mothers
Scholarships for Single Mothers
There are a lot of schools which offers scholarships for single mothers but before you submit an application for a scholarship program, make sure that you will find out which educational institutions and organizations provide scholarships in your own area.
This link provides all the scholarships and schools in the United States. (http://singleparents.about.com).Why is there a need to get a degree anyway? Nowadays, more education is equal to higher earnings so it is investing so you can get better opportunities and ultimately, provide a better future for your child or children.
Tax Credits for Single Mothers
- Submitting yourself as the Head of Household has two advantages for single mothers. First, you will pay less tax and second, you will be able to declare a bigger standard deduction. Usually, you will qualify for “Head of Household” status if you are not married.
- Single parents who are Head of Household will be able to assert an exemption of $3,700 for them and each dependent child. This indicates that for each exemption, $3,700 of your earnings will not be taxed.
- A credit is distinct from an exemption for the reason that, a credit is deducted from the overall amount of taxes you are obligated to pay and can add to your substantial savings. For you to qualify for the child tax credit, your child must fulfill specific requirements which includes being under the age of 17.
- The Earned Income Tax Credit was developed to assist low-income families. Even if you do not generate sufficient cash to owe taxes, you may be qualified for a reimbursement through the Earned Income Tax Credit.
Housing for Single Mothers
There are a lot of single parent home purchasing plans offered to support you with anything which concerns with getting inexpensive housing to getting qualified for mortgage. The first thing that you should do is to find out what particular home ownership programs are obtainable for you in your state. To accomplish this, you need to check out the website of the local housing authority of your state. You can find all you need to know through this weblink (http://www.phada.org). A housing counselor will help you a lot also. He or she can answer all of your inquiries about the home-buying process.
HUD has properties for sale in every state in America. Visit the following web link to search available properties in your state. (http://www.hudhomestore.com).