Negative effects of divorce on children
Negative effects of divorce on children
Separation and divorce is difficult for the entire family. All kids feel the consequences of their parents’ breakup. The emotional effects of children of divorce can be harmful and many divorcing partners are unaware to how their personal conflicts will have long lasting effects to their kids. Children are unfortunately always the losers in their parents’ divorce and parents do not think about the effect of how they will treat each other and on how they will continue to hurt their children who often feel committed to both parents. It is always helpful for families to know even a little about separation and divorce and its common effects to all members of the family. The social anticipations are that separated life is less fulfilling than married life and divorce is associated with a rise in depression, loss of partner, unfulfilled desires and goals, and way of life. Luckily, most kids of breakup do not encounter long-lasting negative effects but it improves danger to the kids for many kinds of problems.
Psychological Suffering
Divorce hurts all members of the family especially children and young children do not know what is going on but they can feel the loss of another parent which is not around. However, pain is something that just goes away; memories will remain, but memories are not always in the mind, it just pops up when thinking about it. Some people cannot let go from negative feelings especially kids that’s why it keeps to be alive within them and by doing so, they keep on thinking that they are mistreated and misguided and often feel pity for themselves. These negative feeling that they felt keeps them from focusing on good factors and for new beginnings. . Usually, if they become conscious of the terrible loop they are in, or when somebody else makes it obvious to them, their suffering stops.
Poor socialization skills
Socialization skills somehow have correlation with divorce and those children of divorce, they have more issues regarding on trusting other people at all and they were tho ones who usually have less public connections especially those young children who tend to cut social connections after parents’ divorce. This situation can result having difficulties in building social relationships in the child’s life in the latter. Therefore it is important for parents even when they got separated to expose their children in all kinds of events to which they can socially participate.
Too much insecurity
Divorce is really a life changing experience for kids, it changes everything and it even tears them down since they cannot comprehend with separation and divorce very well and all they know is that everything will be changed and things will be different. They will have too many questions like where to go to school, where to live, will the mother or father will still be around, did they give something that contributes to their parents’ separation, and even come to think that their parents have new partner but does not like the new one, etc. it is very challenging for parents to take away their insecurities but it is somehow not difficult to take it away if parents will just present a clear picture to how will their future be like. As parent, you should make it in a proper way and at the same time easy way. You can be able to help your children if you discuss with them what they feel and if you will help them to take away their worries and insecurities by means of cooperating with your ex and discover excellent alternatives and connect such matters to your kids so that they will understand.
engaging in using illegal drugs and alcohol intake
Drugs and alcohol use
Children of separated parents are more likely to engage in using illegal drugs and alcohol intake. This is probably because of a misguided attempt to cope with the stress that is caused by parents’ divorce. Custody battles, fights regarding money and controversial separation, and divorce all triggers the likelihood of children to engage in using drugs and taking alcohol. These negative effects are outcome of separation and divorce in which kids are deprived to be visited with the other parent and because of divorce that has an issue regarding family violence.
Acting out, self blame and guilt
Children will often act out because of the anger they felt towards their parents. In attempting to endure in an aggressive environment, they often take a part of their mom or dad to which they are living in, this may manifest in refusals to discuss and talk with both parents and even refuse to spend time with the other parent and they will act out the way they see their parents act out. Because of so much marriage issues that may have relevance with the stress of parenting, children often feel that they are the reason for their parents’ divorce. This is true when children see their parents battling over them during exchanges and negotiating schedules with the children. They may try to show good behavior in hoping that their parents can get back together and they may have difficulties with the shift or they might refuse to be with the other parent.
Some children will show these signs but almost all children whose parents got divorced will somehow some of the symptoms. Here are some contact information that will help on things that has to do with divorce.
Divorce Care and Support
Support for those going through a divorce
Phone: 1-800-489-7778
International: 919-562-2112
PO Box 1739 Wake Forest, NC 27588
www.divorcecare.org
Divorce Source
Information and services for divorce
www.divorcesource.com
Divorce Support
Provides support groups, and information about child visitation, custody, alimony, and property division at www.divorcesupport.com
Physical Address:
Divorce Source, Inc.
1600 Lehigh Parkway East, Ste. 1K
Allentown, PA 18103
Mailing Address:
Divorce Source, Inc.
P.O. Box 1580
Allentown, PA 18105-1580
Phone: 610-820-8120
Fax: 610-770-9342
E-mail:
Tips for Single Moms: Handling Stress Effectively
Handling Stress Effectively
Being a single mother is common nowadays but that does not indicate that the task is easy. Harmful levels of stress are now being experienced by single moms and usually, they don’t have ways of coping with it. Chronic stress is unsafe to your body as well as your mind and as a parent; you need to be at your best at all times to provide a positive life for your children.
Identify the Signs
Stress has a tremendous impact on each and every part of your life and the concern that a lot of single moms deal with is holding the emotions of stress contained. Some people don’t even know that the difficulties they are having in dealing with normal day-to-day scenarios is the result of the emotions that they hold in. The common symptoms of stress are the following:
- Constant sadness
- Trouble falling asleep
- Under-eating or over-eating
- Moodiness
- Irritability
- Unable to control anger
- Dangerous driving
- Body aches
- Nail biting
- Abuse of alcohol or drugs
If you encounter any of these emotions frequently, then you are stressed. If it is not dealt with then physical complication can ensue. Although your indicationa are not that damaging it have bad effects on your children and all the individuals about you. At all times, there is a method to resolve things and conquering stress has a process that any person can follow.
The Effects of Stress
The outcomes of stress alter the make up of the body and mind. People who suffer from chronic stress become sensitive. This indicates that they become extremely sensitive to pressure and the smallest demanding circumstance is capable of triggering chemical reactions in the body resulting to severe risks for health. Research studies have discovered that the dangers in health induced by chronic stress leads to about sixty percent of all health problems. Physical symptoms involve deterioration of the cardiovascular system and weakening of the immune system.
Chronic stress will cause emotional harm that is made worse by physical ailment. At the same time, it attacks your mental health, abandoning you incapable of coping up with even the tiniest of day-to-day demands. Stress dealt with in the long-term can bring about serious mental illnesses such as eating disorders, depression and anxiety.
The First Step: Set Bounderies
The most crucial tip to lower stress is to say “no”. As a single mother, you feel like your life is a balancing act. Focus on doing things that is truly important and learn how to say no to those issues that don’t. Be sensible in weigh up what you are capable of completing. Setting up boundaries will permit you to take a better hold of your time and let you to be at your finest. This will give you a chance to think in advance instead of responding on impulse and it will minimize the chemicals that produce stress in your body. Lowering the levels of these chemicals is crucial because when they stay raised, it is harmful for your body. It has the potential of creating long-term harm such as hypertension and heart disease. Relax for a couple of minutes each day and concentrate on your breathing. Lead your consciousness away from what is happening all around you and imagine the stress moving out of you.
Take care of Yourself
The Best Stress Relief: Take care of Yourself
It is important to take a break once in a while and indulge yourself in the things that you love doing. Recent studies show that exercise can decrease levels of stress dramatically. Go for a walk, jog, or bike ride. A walk about the block lets out muscle stress, provides you energy to do all of your obligations and improves the neurotransmitters that encourage relaxed, satisfied emotions. Give time for yourself to keep your mind and body at their best. Remember that for you to do all the things you need to do; you have to be sound both physically and mentally.
Also, make sure that you get sufficient sleep every night. This may be hard to accomplish since you need to do lots of things but make this a priority. Sleep is vital in sustaining a healthy immune system that will protect you from various diseases. You should aim to get seven to eight hours of sleep a night. The bottom line is you have to maintain a healthy routine. Consuming the right kinds of food, exercising and getting enough sleep enables your body to be ready for the obstacles you deal with being a single mom.
Involve your Kids
You can’t do every little thing on your own so getting yourself involve with chores will help in doing things faster. Any assistance that your children are able to add will help you save a lot of stress. Additionally, you are coaching them the significance of responsibility and giving to loved ones. Instruct them to do duties like cleaning up their bedroom, washing laundry, creating the shopping list, setting up the meals, cooking food, taking out the garbage etc.
Take a moment with your children and discuss about their portion in household chores. Create a remedy collectively that you can agree with to complete the job. If your child assists you in establishing a plan, he or she will have a greater approach and dedication to fulfilling their obligation compared to you just telling them what they should do. Include your child in the procedure of building a plan because this can lead to more cooperation.
Ways to be the Best Single Parent
Single mothers face many challenges and hardships when raising their children alone. And the constant criticism and discrimination from society makes the task even harder. Many people fail to realize that being a good parent is not determined by having a husband or not. It is measured by how much you are willing to do just to give your kids the best life they deserve.
12 Steps to Becoming a Great Single Parent
Raising happy and successful children is not an easy feat. And as a single mother, you need all the help that can get. The following are ways to help you be the best single parent that you can be.
Ways to be the Best Single Parent
- Have a positive attitude. Losing a husband by any means is tough to a woman. Grieving is acceptable for a period of time. But at some point, you need to refocus your attention on the children. Contemplate on the benefits single parenthood. Having a positive attitude toward life is the key to greatness.
- Be patient. When it comes to children, patience is your best weapon. Constantly teach and correct them when they make a mistake and praise them when they did something good. Don’t be rigid and be flexible. Take it easy, you have all the time to be tough on them later.
- Be the boss, not the employee. It is often the mistake of single parents to treat their kids as equals or peers. They don’t realize that it is causing more harm than good. As a result, you are often manipulated by your kids. This should not be so! Create firm and concrete boundaries. Use constant discipline. Denying your kids the things that are harmful to them does not make you a bad mother.
- Be a team. Remind your children that you are a team and you have to work together. Have a democratic style of governance in your home with you as the leader and your kids as the subjects. Remember that even though they are the priority, you still call the shots.
- Take care of yourself. Have a healthy body by eating right, sleeping well, and being stress-free. In order to give the best, you have to be in tip-top shape.
- Take a break. Indeed being a single mom is stressful. So, you need to have some quality time for yourself. Let your kids stay with their father, while you are spending the night with a friend. If not, hire a babysitter or ask a relative. Doing the things you love once in a while will keep you relaxed and stress-free.
- Develop a reliable support network. To survive raising children alone, you need a wide group of people who can give emotional, mental and physical support. Try as you might, you can never do everything by yourself. Choose dependable and trustworthy people. Having someone to rely on takes a load off your shoulder and will pretty much keep your sanity intact.
- Establish a stable and nurturing home. It is evident that providing for your children’s basic needs is important. However, they also need to feel that they are safe and protected. They need to be loved and encouraged. Constantly tell them that you love them and how proud you are of them. Showing your love and affection enables them to grow into mature adults. Teach them discipline, self-reliance and moral values. After all, you are their first teacher and their foundation.
- Evoke simplicity. Having to solely rely on yourself to provide for your children, living a lavish lifestyle may pose a problem. You can’t go on living like you used to when your husband or partner is around. Teach your kids the value of hard work and that not everything is free. Living a simple life will greatly help you in providing for your family. Fewer expenses equals more money in the bank.
- Manage your time effectively. When you juggle work and home, there seems to be not enough time. You are working one moment, taking care of your children the next, and before you even get to sleep, you have to work again. Managing time is a skill that all single mothers must learn. Prioritize what’s important and allocate time for each task. Ask for help from your support system and solve your problems at home with your kids as a team. Plan everything from your monthly budget to celebrating special occasions. This enables you to keep everything in check without compromising yourself.
- Be realistic. Often times, when we want the best, we think that it has to be perfect. Perfectionism only leads to frustration and anger. Set attainable goals. Don’t punish yourself for not reaching them instantly. Focus on success and not on failure. Reward yourself for all the things that you have done well. Remember that you too are human and mistakes are but a natural occurrence.
Other Tips and tidbits
- Trust your instinct. Mothers have the ability to choose what is right, and to know if something is wrong with their children. Use this ability frequently.
- Use positive reinforcement. Giving positive reinforcements to your kids is helpful in disciplining them. Remember, it’s much better to give rewards than punishment.
- Support, don’t push. Rising up to the high expectations of strict parents is terrifying for a child. Don’t tell your kids what to do, instead, encourage and support them in everything that they do.
- Laugh and have fun. Spend time with your kids, family and friends. Go out and have some fun! All work and no play make you a dull mom.
Support Groups and Networks
www.soloparentsnetwork.com Solo Parents Network is a non-profit online social club for single parents to meet and share stories.
www.commitmentnow.com is a non-profit online site for all kinds of women (from stay-at-home moms to single mothers) empowering and giving them advices about anything under the sun.
Family and Home Network (FAHN) is a free national organization in the US helps families build strong relationships. For more information, visit www.familyandhome.org.
Dating After Separation and Divorce
starting new relationships after divorce
If you are a single parent and prepared to start new relationships after divorce, you have unique concerns since dating after divorce can be difficult and even disagreeable especially for single parents who already have kids. First, determining whether if you are really prepared for new relationship can be difficult then after you have determined it, you still have to consider how will that new relationship of yours will affect your kids and also, you have to consider whether the moment is right for them. Going through the sadness and improvement procedure can keep a person cleared psychologically. Feeling that you have recovered to start new relationships is actually an indication that you are becoming healthier to start a new life again; whatever you choose, keep in mind that dealing with suffering that everyone goes through which includes you is important before engaging into new relationships, what was right for a friend of yours may not be the same strategy that’s right for you; but there are some procedures you can take to make yourself ready as well as your kids.
Decide whether you are ready for a new relationship
It is best for you to start dating if you felt that dating again will somehow bring direction to your life. Helping yourself to recover after the misery that divorce has brought you brings you the opportunity to recreate your life. It may not the thing you choose but it is definitely the thing you need to adjust with; and dating someone new may be a part of that new life. But as much as possible, do not take dating as your first step but instead, spend much of your time to discover who you are and what you want in life and, possibly, what relationship you want to start.
Feeling angry that you can’t even keep anything that is good about your ex clearly indicates that you are not yet ready to date and start new relationship again. You should put dating on hold until you are already knowledgeable to the variety of adverse emotions that has something to do with pain; which includes shame, anger, solitude, depressive disorders and denial for the fact that it is not practical to anticipate that your feelings of rage should completely be gone before you start dating again.
Decide to date again if you have already talked about your desires to engage in new relationships with your children. This is very important since your kids has somehow the rights to know that you are considering new relationship again and that they need to express their ideas about it and even any sadness and disappointment about it freely! This doesn’t mean you have to get their permission but your kids are entitled to the concern of a discussion on the problem.It is best of you do not start a new relationship when your divorce is not yet final; this is not just for the sake of your kids which are still in the process of accepting the fact that you are really having a divorce but also to protect yourself to use it against you in the court while in the process of making your separation to be legal.
Decide whether to introduce your kids to the new person you date
difficulty in dividing your time for your kids and to the person you date
The best time to introduce your kids to the one you are currently dating with is when the time you are so sure that the relationship you are presently in is at the serious stage of the relationship for you not to have difficulty in dividing your time for your kids and to the person you date.
Some single parents introduce their kids to all of their friends without detailing about their new relationships. By means of this, it somehow allows kids to have social connections with other people and meet anyone. However, choosing this strategy makes you to be sure to discuss and share it with your new date since your actions may have slight changes when you are in front with your kids and this will also prepare your date so that you won’t be misinterpreted.
Regardless of which strategy you take, be sure to discuss things to your kids about you having the desire to engage in new relationships again so that whatever happens, things won’t make them to be shocked. Here are some parenting sites that may be useful for you.
- Single Parent Success Foundation aims to provide support to single parents who desire to attain higher education to be able to receive better paying jobs. Visit www.singleparentsuccess.org
- For single parent support program that aims to create opportunity for single parents to thrive on their own, visit www.weconnectyou.ca
- For parenting education and support, visit Solutions for America, Healthy families and children at www.solutionsforamerica.org
- Single Parent Resource Center provides programs and services for single parents and for their families. Visit www.singleparentusa.com
The Single Parent Resource Center
228 East 45th Street, 5th Floor
New York, New York 10017Telephone: 212-951-7030
ParentLine: 212-951-7030, Extension 231
Fax: 212-951-7037
Email: [email protected]
Families first provide services which strengthen families, empower parents, nurture children, and end the cycle of child abuse and neglect. Visit www.familiesfirstcolorado.org
Families First
2163 S. Yosemite
Denver, Colorado 80231
Office – 303-745-0327
Fax – 303-309-3931
Family Support Line:
1-800-CHILDREN
or
Toll-Free within Colorado
877-695-7996
E-mail:
For General Email [email protected]
Registration for a class or support group – [email protected]
For more information about volunteering, donating or becoming a member of friends for families [email protected]
Admission & Welcome Center:
251 South Willard St.
Burlington, VT 05401, USA
Phone: (802) 860-2700
Toll Free: (800) 570-5858
Campus Public Safety & Security: (802) 865-6465 (emergency only)
Legal Address:
163 South Willard St.
Burlington, VT 05401
Mailing Address:
Champlain College
P.O. Box 670
Burlington, VT 05402-0670
How to Cope as a Single Parent
How to Cope as a Single Parent
When people hear the word single parent, they immediately assume that his/her single parenthood was caused by legal separation (separation of living quarters but the status is still married), byannulment (court separation with heavy reasons such as mental incapability), or by divorce (similar to annulment but the reasons for separation is less rigid). However, separation does not necessarily mean that the couple has legally separated. Sometimes, separation means separated by distance because one of the parents, it is usually the father, works in a different state or in a different country, usually soldiers. It could also be that the couple is separated by death of the spouse. Lastly, the single mother, since it is usually the female, got impregnated and chose not to marry the father. There can be various reasons for single parenthood.
Some Self Help Tips
No matter what is the reason for such status, one thing is still the same. Single parents are alone raising their child or children. With no one to share problems with and to turn when confused, it is not surprising that most single parents get depressed or loses confidence when raising their children. One of the most important things to be when raising children alone is to stay healthy always, both in body and mind. Remember, that there will be no one the children can turn to if you lose yourself. They will be left in this world, alone and scared. Thus, it is important eat and sleep well. Nobody is perfect in this world; thus, no parent raises his or her children perfectly. When frustrated with life, never take your anger on the children, it is not fair to them.
It is always tempting to lie when parents are asked by their children where is their mother or father, especially if they are born not out of wedlock. Should parents lie to save the children from pain and frustration, and, to keep the explanations simple? However, lying produces a very bad consequence when the lies are found. Therefore, if possible, avoid answering the question instead of lying. However, secrets cannot be kept forever. When the child or children are ready to hear the truth, then tell them honestly, without omitting and adding information. Despite the heavy workload (career and raising children) it is also important that rapport with the children, other family members, co-workers, and community, should be built. In this way, children can freely communicate with their parents, and, the parent can share and talk with other people. It is important to know you are not alone.
Online Community Sharing and Help
Online communities are becoming popular
Sometimes, single parents are reluctant to share their worries with close friends, or, perhaps, they, both the parent and friends, are too busy to find common free time to chat. Online communities are becoming popular nowadays.The “Single Mothers by Choice” is an online community at www.singlemothersbychoice.org. They can be contacted at (212) 988-0993, at PO Box 1642, New York, NY 10028, or, at www.singlemothersbychoice.org/contact/. The Single Mothers by Choice, or SMC, was founded by Jane Mattes, L. C. S. W., in the year 1981. The aim of this online community is to provide information and support, for both single mothers and those who plan to be one.
“Parents Without Partners” is another online community, which can be accessed at www.parentswithoutpartners.org. They aim to provide both single parents and children the opportunity to enhance growth, confidence, and sensitivity to others. Telephone inquiries can be made at (800) 637-7974. Email inquiries can be sent at the respective email addresses. General inquiries should be emailed at [email protected]. Inquiries for membership should be sent at [email protected]. Inquiries for ethics and grievances are to be sent at [email protected]. Lastly, for new and events, email them at [email protected]. This online community was established by Jim Egleston and Jacqueline Bernard, and, they welcome members regardless of age or custodial status.
The “Single Family Voices”, which is accessible at www.singlefamilyvoices.com, is a non-business online community aiming to support single parents, with an extension for step parents and blended parents. They have a Chat room for parents to post their issues and ask advice from fellow parents. They also have links to websites with items, material, appliance, and others, which are discounted, on sale, and locations for easy shopping. Their forum has a wide range of topics, both general and personal in nature. This online community also has a diverse collection of articles for everyone to read.
Find a Counselor Online
Self-help tips and online community support can only reach far. They also have disadvantages since self-help tips are not tailored for a specific person; instead, it tackles what would help the general population. Advices from online communities, although, helpful and has validity to an extent, since they are from experience, will not necessarily work. During heavy issues and crisis, it is wise to seek professional assistance. The American Association of Pastoral Counselors, accessible online at www.aapc.org, assists families, individuals, and communities, in healing, giving hope, and finding wholeness. Their counseling and psychotherapy are grounded in spirituality. They can be contacted at (703) 385-6967 (phone), at (703) 352-7725 (fax), and at their email address [email protected]. Their office is situated at 9504A Lee Highway, Fairfax, VA 22031-2303. Contact them and find a counselor in your area.
F.A.C.E.S.,short for Family Assessment Counseling & Education Services, in 1988, was just an agency for assessing families and giving outcounseling programs.Nowadays, F.A.C.E.S.gives out programs, hosts events and sessions, and,provides classes for parents and children, for issues such as, parenting after divorce, school problems, anger after divorce, depression, and, so much more. The parenting classes, of this organization,are the most popular. In here, parents meet together, and, along with a therapist, discuss the developmental needs, disciplinary needs, and boundaries of children. Their website is at www.facescal.org. They can be phoned at (714) 993-2237, faxed at (714) 993-2241, or, emailed at [email protected].
Tips for Single Moms: Dating after Divorce
Dating after going through
Dating after divorce can be daunting, particularly if you are a single mother. You are not only thinking about your happiness but your child’s as well and making bad decisions should be avoided at all cost. This article provides some pointers to help single mothers get back to dating.
Consider Online Dating
As an alternative to going on blind dates with the people your close friends or family set you up with, take into consideration about meeting people online. Send an e-mail and if you feel that there is a possibility for deeper connection, then spend some time to become familiar with them over the telephone. Permit your friendly relationship to develop with time prior to attempting to go on a real date. Keep in mind those relationships that start off as friendships have a greater probability of developing into a long term and meaningful connection versus relationships that are created primarily on physical attraction.
Online dating sites give single mothers an excellent platform to place themselves back in the dating world. And the fact that it can any time of the day makes it an even more attractive option. Singleparentsmingle.com and singleparentsmatcher.com are the most popular dating sites for single mothers and it is worthy to check out.
Online dating sites can take a whole lot of time because you are required to fill out questions and to write a profile. Fortunately, a lot of services are now available to assist you to make the best profile to maximize your chance in finding the right person for you. By employing a professional writer to develop your online dating profile, you can conserve time and guarantee that your profile creates the finest impression possible. Take a look at E-Cyrano.com and LookBetterOnline.com for more information about these kinds of services.
Ask for Assistance
Let your friends be aware of what type of person you are curious in dating. It is important to be precise and ask them to observe these attributes in the people around them. Let them find and arrange dates for you structured the qualities you are searching for. If they make a recommendation or a suggestion about who you should date then permit them to inform you about the person and make a decision if you will like to be friends with them. Don’t forget that your associates are recommending these people centered on the attributes you consider to be most significant.
If your friends have tried helping but for some reason, it doesn’t work out, then it is probably time to find a matchmaker. Matchmaker’s help you look for the person you are looking for that will compliment your personality, lifestyle and goals. Several matchmakers also perform extensive background checks ahead of suggesting someone to their clients. This implies that even before you meet the person, you are sure that they don’t have a criminal background.
Be Involve with an Organization
One surefire way to start your dating life is puttingyourself in circumstances where there is a great possibility that you meet people who share the same goals, values and passions with you. There are a loy of churches that provides an adult singles class so try to join those; or you can begin helping out with in nearby animal shelter during your free time. These kinds of opportunities will present you to other people who share your beliefs.
It is important to have an active social life and don’t put too much pressure on yourself in finding the right one. If you are too eager to date, then it can only result to negative outcomes. You are going to make poor decisions and decisions made from despair causes needless disappointment. Yes, as a single mother, you are extremely busy with work and raising your kids. There are times when you feel that you don’t have time to meet people but always remember that you also are entitled to go out every now and then. Spending some time apart from obligations can be a refreshing feeling.Putting yourself out there by taking a class, doing a hobby, joining organizations and meeting friends boosts your chances of meeting people who have similar passions and ambitions.
Think about the Kids
Keep your dating life apart from your children. If they get involved with a guy you are seeing but the relationship is still not that serious then they can be hurt too when it ends. You can only introduce him to your children once you begin dating exclusively. But make certain that he is a positive effect to your children.The children will experience a kind of loss once you bring a man into your house. This means that your time with them is now divided so remember to spend time with your kids also. Your boyfriend has to be there for your kids too so the kids can get acquainted to the new man in their life.
If he is indeed the person you end up marrying, the most effective way to split up parenting responsibilities is to have him be the nurturing one and you are the disciplinarian. If you have teenagers, there are times when it feels like you can’t control them and you will be tempted to ask him to step in. Do not permit this. He can function as a sound adviser and a neutral ground for your kids to seek refuge to.
Why Single Mothers Go through Identity Crisis
single mothers go through identity crisis
Do you frequently ask yourself ‘who am I’? Are you confused with yourself? Do you feel like you have lost your essence? If you answer YES to these questions, then you must be experiencing an identity crisis.
What is Identity Crisis?
Your identity defines you. It differentiates you from other people. It makes you unique and special. It gives you a sense of purpose and meaning. And it determines your self-worth. An identity crisis arises when a person loses his sense of identity. It means that a person is confused about his roles in the society and he is not able to establish his purpose in life. He fails to commit to goals and is unable to make consistent decisions and choices.
Why do single mothers go through identity crisis?
An adult woman develops an identity crisis when she experiences significant changes in her life. This crisis is common in women who have children but without a husband. A single mother is so involved with her children that she loses her sense of identity, since she has to be both a mother and a father to her kids. Before, she sees herself as an independent, career-oriented woman, but now she is frequently identified as a mother. A woman who just lost a husband may also develop an identity crisis especially when she is closely associated with her husband. Single moms with identity crisis tend to isolate themselves from friends and family because they think they have no time. They may also feel depressed, lonely, frustrated, and other negative emotions that may affect the people around them.
What are the manifestations of identity crisis?
Identity crisis is a state of psychosocial growth of an individual characterized by a loss of the sense continuity of one’s self in which that person no longer sees his past identity in his present self. It is manifested by confusion over roles, values, and morals. It is also seen as the inability to live up to the tasks that he/she is expected to do. He may also demonstrate depression and passivity. But, some may resort to other activities in order to find themselves.
Single mothers who have an identity crisis may behave like their children because they spend most of their time with them. They may follow how their kids talk and act. They also tend to neglect their relationships with others and immerse themselves more with their children. As a result, she loses her sense of self.Overcoming an Identity Crisis
Being a single mother means dedicating your time in your children, but it does not mean that you have to forget about yourself and your needs. If you are experiencing an identity crisis, the following are tips on how to overcome and prevent it.
Realizing the problem for fast recpvery
- Acknowledge your plea for help. Most mothers deny the fact that they are having an identity crisis. Communicate with yourself and determine your feelings and verbalize these emotions with other people. Realizing that you have a problem is the first step towards recovery.
- Know that you are not alone. There are women out there who share the same experience as you. Do not think that you are alone in this situation. Join a mother’s group with women who have the same condition as you. You can share your experiences with each other, and in turn help one another in overcoming this ordeal.
- Develop a balanced and healthy identity for yourself. Define who you want to be. However, make sure that it doesn’t risk yourself, your children and the people around you. Do you want to be a career woman but at the same time a mother? Then, be one. Mull over and think about your aspired identity because creating an identity for yourself takes time and energy.
- Involve yourself with activities outside your children’s interests. Being a single mother is hard. You have a lot of responsibilities such as taking care of your children and meeting their needs. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to limit yourself with being just a mother. Make time for activities for yourself that doesn’t involve your children. Go to a bar, watch a movie, and go out with your friends. Have fun and relax at the same time.
- Socialize with people. Do not isolate yourself from your friends and family. Invite them over for play dates. Your children can play with their kids and you can chat with your friends. Attend family gatherings to enhance your relationships with your family. Keeping in touch with your friends and family keeps you rooted to a part of who you are.
- Seek outside help. Don’t hesitate to ask a relative or a close friend to babysit for your kids when you are away. If nobody in your family is available, hire a babysitter. This enables you to have night outs or short vacations alone or with friends. Take a load off your shoulders. Remember, you can’t do everything by yourself.
- Stimulate your mind. Obtaining education is one way to increase your knowledge and self-worth. If you are working in the morning, take online educations at night after the kids have gone to bed. Spend 30 minutes every day, or in the weekend to attend to classes. If you are worried about money, there are a lot of financial supports out there for single mothers. Some may even give you a job after you graduate. This provides a lot of career opportunities for you and enables you to grow as a human being.
- Get a hobby. Hobbies are important to us because they are a part of our identity. They represent our interests. If you enjoy writing, then write a book. If you want to dance, join a dance club or take dancing lessons. Having a hobby makes you preoccupied and it develops your personality. Do it together with a friend or family. Not only does it develop your interests but it can also strengthen your bond with each other.
Finding Relationship After Separation/Divorce: The Perfect Partner is a Perfect Father
Relationship After Separation
A fatherless child can have difficulties relating to the male population since there is a lack of prominent male figure in the family that he can learn from. He sees that his friends and classmates have mothers and fathers, and questions why he doesn’t have one. He will feel abandoned and unwanted. So, he can develop a low self-esteem, depression, confusion, and anger. They also perform poorly at school and tend to be destructive to others and even to their selves.
It is inherent in children to expect a father in their lives when exploring the world. A family primarily consists of a mother, father and child. So, there could be serious problems when one is missing. A child, especially boys, need their father when growing up. A father gives them a sense of security, source of strength, discipline and confidence.
In order to prevent the negative effects of not having a father figure in your children is by ensuring that your kids have a lot of positive role-models around them. It may not replace their biological father, nor can it relieve their feelings of loss, it can, however, help in making a positive father-child relationship that may otherwise be lacking.
Boys with no fathers are more common to develop depression, high-risk behaviors and addiction than with boys who grow up with their fathers. They tend to do criminal acts, violence and difficulties following males in society. And in worst cases, they resort to suicide. Girls who grow up without a father tend to become promiscuous. They also form relationships with older men. This is because they subconsciously try to fill up the fatherly love that they have been missing.
Paying Close Attention to the Children
Attention is one of the most important factors to raise children effectively. By paying attention, a parent may know and observe how his/her children are behaving, thinking, and feeling. No matter how tired or busy, be sure to give time to them. Entrusting them to other caregivers, blood related or otherwise, will not be as effective when they are cared by their parents. Although it can be tempting, the importance of patience should be observed when dealing with children – their actions and questions. When, parents tend to neglect them, for an extended period of time, children tend to act unruly and misbehave to catch their parent’s attention. Recurring questions about the reasons of the family break-up will eventually be asked. Communication and intimacy should always be maintained in the family as these will be the adhesive that connects each and every one.
Avoid having multiple father-figures. This is to prevent having the child think that anyone can be a role-model for him. You don’t want your kids learning from bad men, do you? Have you children spend time with a family member or significant others one at a time. Also ask him about the people that he looks up to in the community or at school. By doing so, you can know who your kids are associating with and can determine if they are suitable for them.
Parents Without Partners
Guidance and Counseling
“Parents Without Partners” is an educational organization for single parents. They have an online chat room, magazines specifically tailored for single parents, articles for development guidelines and personal growth, annual convention, and local chapter activities. They can be contacted at 1-800-637-7974, or, at their website www.parentswithoutpartners.org.Their office is located at 1100-H Brandywine Blvd., Zanesville, Ohio, 43701-7303. The Single Family Voice is a community for single parents where they share support, different information, and understands one another. This was founded in the year 1997 and can be accessed at www.singlefamilyvoices.com.Visit the website of the American Association of Pastoral Counselors at www.aapc.org to find the nearest counselor available in your area. They can also be contacted at (703) 385-6967 (phone) and at (703) 352-7725 (fax). This organization aims to heal and bring hope to everyone – individual, family, groups, or communities – through counseling and guidance grounded in spirituality.
Family is important to a growing child. It is in the home setting that he learns about moral values and good behaviors. It is where he first develops strong relationships and learns about loving and being loved. So, if you are a single mother, it is imperative that you find a good father-figure for your kid.
For more information, you can visit these sites:
- www.makinglemonade.com (The single parent network) is an online portal for single parents. It provides articles and information that is helpful for all single parents out there.
- Big Brother Big Sister Organization is a nonprofit organization who aims to provide children with professionally supported one-on-one relationships that can change their lives for the better. You can visit them at www.bbbs.org or contact them at (215) 567-7000 – phone or (215) 567-0394 – fax. Or mail them at Big Brothers Big Sisters National Office, 230 North 13th Street, Philadelphia, PA 19107.
Single parenthood: When a Single Mother Losses Self-Worth and Meaning of Own Life
Single parenthood is on the rise
Single parenthood is on the rise in the recent years, in the USA at least 59 percent of American children have lived in a single parent household at least once in their life. Single parent families may be described as “a family comprising of a single mother or father having their own dependent children”. According to the research of NidhiKotwal and BhartiPrabhakarin 2009, about 70% of single parent families are composed of single mothers with their biological children.Single parenthood may be created due to divorce, death of spouse,or separation and desertion of one partner. However, in the early 2000 the rise of single parent household was due to individuals who never married their partner.
The numbers may seem to indicate that single-parent households are on the rise and it may be so. The strain of raising a child is a great burden to both parents who are married and living under one roof, but how much more to a woman who doesn’t have a partner and must rely on her ownfor the survival of her child and herself?
Emotional Roller Coaster
Single mothers tend to devote their time and purpose in life for their children. Women have the tendency of putting the needs of their children before her own;however, this practice may cause the woman to lose her own personal identity to the point where her identity is infinitely tied to the success or failure of her children.
A number of single mothers choose a career path that will best benefit her children even if such work does not give her personal happiness or fulfillment. When we were younger we had our own boxful of ambitions and hopes brimming to the top, we formed our own ideals and envisioned a future full of happiness and success.Single parenthood can change all that. Many women reported to have feelings of resentment, guilt, shame, anger and anxiety about the future. These feelings may be so dominant that it can actually bring about changes in one’s personality.
Women who became single parents by losing their partners from a disease or accidents may suffer from feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. Other may indicate behaviors suggesting the lack of identity and meaninglessness in their lives. Lack of self-confidence may also be felt when single mothers lose their self-worth and meaning of their own life. Sad as it may be, it was found that single mothers have a higher incidence of suffering from depression than women of other social status.
Clearly, self-esteem issues are the dominant factor affecting the emotional make-up of a single mother. So what should one do to survive the pitfalls of single parenthood?
It’s All about Social Support
A seed may survive and grow into a plant even if it is not tended by human hands. But a seed will not grow into a plant without the presence of water and arable land. Similarly, a single mother will find it hard to succeed and manage her life without the support of other individuals. A single mother must find her place in society in order to nurture her own potential and rear healthy children into responsible adults.
In the absence of relatives and grandparents who can take care of the child while the mother is away, day care centers have sprung up to take care of the child while the mother is working. Such centers can ease the burden of guarding after the children, however, always exercise caution in choosing day care centers for your child.Rekindle relationships with your friends and neighbors. Knowing the people around you will always come in handy in times when you need help;also, your friends are the best people you can rely on for some encouragement or two and if you have friends who are also single parents you can always count on them to understand your situation.
Parents without Partners
Single Parent Support Groups
Parents without Partners
Isa non-profit organization meant to provide support for single parents.According to their website description, the group provides “single parents and their children with an opportunity for enhancing personal growth, self-confidence and sensitivity towards others by offering an environment of support, friendship and the exchange of parenting techniques.” The organization was found in 1975 in New York City.
How to become a member? (as written on their website)
- Go to the “Find a Chapter” link, locate the chapter near your home and contact them using the information provided, OR
- Call the PWP Information Line 800-637-7974 , OR
- If a chapter is not listed near your home, you can start a chapter by follwing the guidelines under our “Start a Chapter” link, OR
- You can become a MAL (Member at Large) by filling out themembership application form, printing it out, including your credit card information and faxing it to Parents Without Partners at 740-452-2552.
Membership application form: www.parentswithoutpartners.org
If you do not have access to a fax machine, kindly mail the form to:
Parents Without Partners, Inc.
1100-H Brandywine Blvd
Zanesville, OH 43701-7303
For phone inquiries contact them at 800-637-7974.
For more information about Parents Without Partners please visit their website at: www.parentswithoutpartners.org
Café Mom
Is an online based support group for single mothers, members can interact with one another through forums. Discussions can vary with topics ranging from financial help, dating, and child rearing and daily stress of single mothers. You can also find support with issues such as divorce, loss, or raising a child without a partner.
To join, just visit their website and make an account to join discussions! www.cafemom.com
INCITE: A Single Moms Support Group
This organization is relatively new, founded just last January 2011. It provides community support to single mothers and even organizes meet-ups and outings for members.
Contact them at:
460 Brant St., 3rdFlr Suite 368
Burlington, ON
L7R 4B6
Phone: 905 592-9721
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.incitesinglemoms.com
Some Challenges of Single Parenthood
Raising kids as a single parent
Raising kids as a single parent is difficult but somehow a rewarding task. When the one who fosters the kids falls into the mother or father alone, the difficulties becomes double. Single parents must deal with the financial and emotional aspects that are normally shared within two parent families. Many of the difficulties that single parents face is not only being a single mother or father or the kids to be taken cared of but it is because when you are a single parent, everything you do carries greater weight. No matter how moms and dads differ in some ways, all single moms and dads experience somehow the same problems. However, there are resources available for single moms and dads to help ease these variations to make their life and the life of their kids the best they can be.
Family assistance
If you are probably the only resource of assistance for your kid, that can definitely make pressure not unless you and your kids are getting support from an ex-spouse, you and your kids may be residing on a cheaper home than when you are married and this will made you to spend money wisely and do some belt-tightening. Some single parents mostly single moms offer to perform longer hours at their tasks, or take on a second part-time job, to be able to pay until that job can offer you enough to support all what is needed inside the household. Having just enough money indicated that your kids may see less of you of not having extra money to support the other factors they ought to have; possibility is, this can pressure your relationship with your children and might add to their anger of you being separated. It is important to make sure that your kids are aware of your economical situation and that you need to work harder than you could. Assure them that even you are away or busy for work, you always think for their own good.
Managing the Financial Challenges
Unless you are the heir to a wealth, you probably have less financial problems compared to two-income families. Single parenthood must keep the weight of balancing the budget entirely on their own. Two-parent family members can combine their earnings if both mother and father are working; but, this is not a choice for single parents. Even when there is support for the children, it does not have the equivalent for a second income. Having enough cash to pay the expenses and put meals on the desk can always be a continuous battle. It is important that as single parent, you know how to do your best when it comes to survival and you must understand how you can economically flourish and offer long-term financial balancing for your kids.
Changes in Kid’s Behavior
Children’s reaction in the issue of separation tends to be short-term and will probably decrease as the disaster of separation and breakup reduces. However, there are a number of difficult behavior styles that, if persistent, are symptoms more serious problems because kids especially the young ones respond in a different way as they adapt in staying in a single parent household. Young kids may become very competitive after their dad goes out, making it challenging for their mom to claim her authority. In this situation, moms need to give out their best to sustain their power as soon as these issues could get out of control as the kid’s aggressiveness gets worse. Simultaneously, dads need to be advised regarding the kid’s bad behavior and should find way to help assist this problem.
Overloading of tasks
An individual mom’s or dad’s responsibilities certainly do not stop even when the work stops each day. You may have what it seems to be overloaded with the daily projects looking forward to you at home—from food preparation, everyday meal to washing the laundry washing up to assisting your child with preparation for school, assisting with their assignments and many more. Although these are just the same responsibilities that are confronted by working parents who are wedded, single parents have to face these responsibilities alone, without the hand of a partner. For that reason, many single parents feel weary and psychologically worn out that often lead them to shout a lot at their kids. To avoid these problems, single parents should set aside some time for them to rest and recover from everyday tasks.
Despite the many difficult difficulties of being a single parent won’t always be difficult or distressing. You’ll have a lot of fun if provided that you keep a normal and balanced attitude and keep on finding ways toward a better life for you and your children. For you to be able to achieve it, you may need the help of the following:
- Parents Without Partners at www.parentswithoutpartners.org is an educational organization for single parents which are either divorced, separated, widowed or never get married that run programs balanced among three areas: Educational activities, Family activities and Adult Social/Recreational activities.
Write: PWP, 1650 S. Dixie Highway, Suite 510, Boca Raton, FL 33432
Call: 1-800-637-7974, (561)391-8833
Fax: (561)395-8557
E-mail:[email protected] - National Organization for Single Mothers at www.singlemothers.org helps single moms in meeting the challenges of life with wisdom, dignity and courage.
Write: NOSM, P.O. Box 68, Midland, NC 28107
Call: (704)888-KIDS
Fax: (704)888-1752
E-mail:[email protected] - The Single Parent Resource Center at www.singleparentusa.com is a network of single parent self-help groups which provides programs for single parents and their families. Services are all available for single parents.
Write: Single Parent Resource Center, 31 E. 28th St., New York, NY 10016
Call: (212)951-7030
Fax: (212)951-7037
E-mail: [email protected] - Single Mothers by Choice at www.singlemothersbychoice.org provides support and information for single woman who are considering or choose single motherhood.
Write: SMC, P.O. Box 1642 Gracie Square Station, New York, NY 10028
Call: (212)988-0993