Helping your children deal with separation and breakup means providing balance in your home and attending to your kids needs with a comforting, positive attitude. For children, separation and breakup can be traumatic, sad, and complicated. As a parent, you can make the procedure and its effects less painful for your children. At any age, children may feel not sure or upset at the possibilities of mom and dad breaking up. Many children and divorced parents mourn the loss in the type of household they had expected for that’s why it’s typical for some children to wish that their mother and father will at some point get back together even after the finality of separation and breakup has been told them. Mourning the loss in a household is regular, but over time both you and your children will come to take the new scenario. So assure them that it’s OK to wish that mom and dad will hook up, but also describe the finality of your choices. It will not be a smooth procedure, but these tips can help your children deal with your divorce.
Make your children feel your divorce is not their
Most kids have a self-centred mind-set. When encountered with separation and breakup, a kid’s response is thus likely to be a self-centred one; to think that he or she must have triggered separation and breakup to occur. Because of this, both parents who are getting a divorce should inform their kids that their choice to separation and breakup was not due to anything that they did, that they are still loved, and that both mother and father will safeguard their kids despite the modified circumstances.
Both of you should get involved
It is excellent for one parent alone to perform with encouragement. Both mother and father need to make sure the kids will realize that both mom and dad will still be their parents, will act like parents, discipline them when needed, protect them from harm, follow constant rules, not trim on the kid for care but will offer care for the kid, and both will love the kid and will maintain the kid’s lifestyle even without the other parent.
Maintain routines and have fun
Make sure you provide a calming fun atmosphere for your children. One in which they can let go of their problems and just be themselves. Fun goes a lengthy way in reducing stress! Kids can sense to be more protected when there is a conventional routine that will somehow help them to have a sense of organization and comfort and in some ways, help them to have a personal control. Keep with bedtimes, no issue to either the mother or fathers home they are. Have some constant house work, and have some time dedicated to the children which is handled as a precious one.
Respect one another
Children do best when their parents who are getting a separation respect each other pleasantly and considerately. Even if your rage is losing or you feel offended in the separation and breakup proceeding, as parents, you must not connect that to your children. Release it to friends or to someone, but not to the children.
Do not share the facts of the divorce but do not disregard them when they ask
Not listening to your kid and not reacting to their questions often bring to the perception that their emotions don’t matter to you. Answer your kids’ questions no matter how distressing the subject is for you. It is never in the interest of the children to be told about information regarding court issues or financial issues about your separation and divorce. Children feel confused when the mother or the father shares too many facts with them.
Encourage them to talk and provide psychological assistance
Anger and stress are common child responses to separation and breakup. Separating parents can help their kids to work through disappointed feelings by motivating them to show and talk with them in appropriate ways. Kids will show their feelings diversely with others, listen properly to what kids have to say and what they do. Correct and define issues that are wrong and help them to understand why this is so. At the same time, show love for your kid’s well-being, and allow them to evade conversation when discussing becomes unpleasant. Anticipate dealing with the same issues on several events as it may take them many reps before their issues are allayed. Consider taking the kids into family treatment with a certified specialist.
Divorce leaves a mark on all the kids it touches, although different kids are affected in different ways. Many kids are originally sensitive but gradually resilient and end up adjusting to their changed conditions. As a parent, you should be the one to help your children cope with your divorce and seeking help with the following might be a great help.
Visit Family and Children’s Services, a place to turn to seek help for parents that live apart through this link http://www.fcsok.org/classes/kids-cope-divorce-tulsa/ or make your first appointment, call them at 918.587.9471.
For support groups and group counselling, visit Family and Children Services at http://www.fcservices.org/programs/program_support-groups.html or call the intake coordinator for more information at 650-326-6576. For general questions, call them at 408-292-9353 or complete a contact form through this link: http://www.fcservices.org/about/contact_form.html
For services that help children from separated families to deal with issues arising from the breakdown in their parents’ relationship and to participate in decisions that impact on them, visit Uniting Care Community at http://www.uccommunity.org.au/family-relationships-separation-and-divorce
For direct services for parent and children experiencing the transition of separation and divorce, visit http://web.multco.us/dcj/fcs or you can keep in touch with them at:
Family Court Services
Multnomah County Courthouse
1021 SW 4th Avenue, Room 350
Portland, OR 97204-1184
TTY Relay Service: 711
General Information: County Headquarters
Address: 501 SE Hawthorne Blvd
Portland, OR 97214
Portland/Multnomah Information Center
Substance abuse is rampant nowadays across the world. When people hear substance abuse, they generally assume that it would be drugs or alcohol, and, it was previously used to call the phenomena in which the person is using illicit drugs, or, there is an abuse of prescribed drugs other than for purposes which have been indicated – manner, quantity, and dosage. This definition, however, no longer perfectly applies to our society as there are other several substances, other than illegal drugs and prescribed medicines, which can be abused. Some of the common substances abused are tobacco, cigarettes, alcohol, anabolic steroids, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines, ecstasy, and so much more. Some of these substances have been considered harmless, however, although these drugs cannot inhibit bodily functions, addiction to such substances causes a person to lose morality and end up stealing, raping, and even killing people.
Reasons and Theories Explaining Substance Abuse
There are several theories and reasons as to why people, especially teenagers, resort to using and abusing such substances. One of the reasons is for the user to keep calm amidst the fears, anxiety, and depression – which are common to children who have experienced traumatic fears such as family separation. Some of these not only keeps people from feelings of fear, sadness, and anxiousness, substances, such as ecstasy and heroine, even bring them to the blissful world of Nirvana. Curiosity is also another common reason why teenagers start using these substances. However, the theories of peer pressure and conformity explain curiosity.
Conformity is the phenomenon in which a person follows what other, usually his or her peers, on how to act, behave, think, and feel, and, what to believe. This also refers to following standards which are considered acceptable. By this theory, most of the people disregard his or her own opinion in favor of what the majority has to say. Therefore, they are often swayed and pushed to do things, even if it against their will. Peer pressure also contributes to curiosity. When a person sees his or her friends, or schoolmates, doing some things out of the ordinary, and, there are lots of them doing it, then he or she would be curious as to why those people are engaging in such activities.
Symptoms of Substance Abuse
Substance abuse can be carried out discreetly. However, as people say, no secret can be hidden forever. There are always telltale signs of what a person has been doing. Some of the symptoms that family and friends may notice may be small at first, but, as time goes on, it will escalate. Addiction, or substance abuse, is a very expensive hobby. Because the body will be yearning for such substance, it would be nearly impossible to hold back. Therefore, one of the most common and prominent signs of substance abuse is the disappearance of money and some valuables, and, at some point, appliances will be the ones missing. Physical manifestation, without clear cause, is another symptom – reddening eyes, slurring of speech, and, lethargy or sleeplessness. There will also be changes in behavior – they become easily irritated and are too aggressive.
People who are addicted to “inhalant” substances, such as cigarettes and tobacco, often times use deodorizers and incenses, when they normally do not use one. A frequent hangover is another symptom, and sometimes, people who are abusing substances blacks out or become forgetful. Substance abusers tend to give up past hobbies and activities, in which they have previously found pleasure, in favor of activities which are not elaborated. Students tend to miss classes just to hang out with friends while doing their “thing”. Of course, this leads to failing in subjects and suspension. Adults miss their work or do a lousy job. People become reckless in every aspect in life. However, the most important warning sign that tells if a person has a high tendency to abuse substance is depression, anxiety, fear, and loneliness.
1-800-448-3000 is the hotline for the Boys Town National HotlineSM. This hotline is open 24 hours every day for 365 days a year. Their website, www.boystown.org/national-hotline, has many resources, videos, and an online chat, to guide parents and children. This hotline has specially trained counselors accredited by the American Association of Suicidiology or AAS. They deal with suicide prevention, parental troubles, sexual abuse, intense anger, school issues, physical abuse, chemical dependency, substance abuse, problems in various relationships, emotional abuse, runaways, and more. They also have Spanish speaking counselors and translators good for more than 140 languages, which is accessible at 1-800-448-1833. The Boys Town National Headquarters is situated at 14100 Crawford Street, Boys Town, NE 68010. They can be reached at (402) 498-1300 (phone) and at (402) 498-1348 (fax).
Hazelden is a private non-for-profit treatment center for alcohol and drug addiction. They have a 24 hour hotline, (800) 257-7810 and (651) 213-4200, which are available any time of the week. Letters can be dropped at P.O. Box 11, 15251 Pleasant Valley Rd., Center City, MN 55012-0011, or, can be emailed at [email protected]. This treatment center offers Sober Housing for college students in New York City. More information can be accessed at www.hazelden.org. Phoenix House is another nonprofit provider of services for substance abuse. They have more than 120 programs in Florida, California, Maine, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Virginia, Vermont, Texas, and, Rhode Island. They can be contacted at 1 (800) 378-4435, and, at their website of www.phoenixhouse.org.
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics, or NACoA, believes that it is not the adult addicts who suffer from the substance abuse. It is the children of those substance abusers. This association advocates that children should not live with parents who abuses substances, as they become unsupported and isolated in the family. They can be contacted at their phone numbers: (888) 554-2627 or at (301) 468-0985. Their fax number is (301) 468-0987, and, their email address is [email protected]. Visit their website at www.nacoa.org for more information.
Along with allowing your kid search for his own role model, there are things you can do to allow him to be men. Whether you have or don’t have a partner demonstrate him the rules, your son can still develop to be psychologically healthy and balanced just as many young boys that grow from single parent families have done. Single mothers are the disciplinarian and primary protector of their kids’ health, knowledge, and needs. There’s just one part, however, that a single mom cannot fill, the part of a dad. Boys that are brought up with a dad image often do better educationally, economically, and culturally than their fatherless friends. If you are a single mom raising young boys without a partner does not mean your son is hopeless. But it’s a proven reality that fatherless young boys experience difficulties and have certain behavior or personality. As a single mothers, it’s important that you keep an eye out for these habits your son may show so that you can take actions to help your boy become happy and confident in some ways.
Teach them to socialize
Young boys need their mothers to help them interact culturally, learn how to make new friends, and increase their socializing world. Adult supervision is the key factor in the growth of kids’ social proficiency. Mothers and other women, such as instructors, are the primary socializing role-models of young children. Moms who are raising boys have many opportunities to show their kids to be culturally competent by means of role-modeling recognition, understanding, concern, and self-control.
Recognize his uniqueness and accept his differences
Teach him your principles, but let him show them exclusively. He’s a boy and will reply to psychological circumstances somewhat diversely than you might. Young children need moms, it is essential that moms of young boys believe in their son’s capabilities. Young children need moms who will take a position together with them through the excellent and bad things they create. They need moms who will help them recognize the decisions they will make and preferred to choose, support them for who they are, and who they will become.
Employ energetic play with him
Exercise is crucial for all children, but in cases where young children can’t seem to suit themselves as perfectly as girls, they might need mommy’s help for other means of launching energetic activities. Art, sports, searching for earthworms, climbing, discovering, or gathering stones are some of many different activities moms can be a part of with their kids. Moms can hook up with young boys who love story-telling or unstructured games. When moms get into their boys’ world through play; young children feel linked with and acknowledged by their moms.
Set goals and responsibilities
Think about which principles and personality you want to show your son. Then design a system to help him see those principles, be practical, not sensitive. Consider what methods have proved helpful best in interacting with your son and which types of disciplinary activities have been most effective. Moms need to motivate their kids to take effort, to have responsibility. Many young boys appreciate a lot for being taken care of by their moms and most will not start supposing more liabilities at home without a poke from their moms. At a young age, moms who are raising young boys need to show them how to arrange their areas, handle their homework, and take responsibilities for their own inadequate choices.
Involve role of a man
Role models are essential and will be discovered in every aspect of your son’s lifestyle. Young boys need men, but not actually dads. Ideally, your son’s dad is definitely engaged in his lifestyle. If not, you must discover good male role models to complete that role in your son’s life. It’s not simple, but with some effort, you will discover men that will help you tutor your son like
sports instructors, and male instructors may all offer excellent male role modeling and guidance. Grandfathers, uncles, others who live nearby, and dads of your son’s friends are also excellent examples. Your son will need to discover good male role designs to be able to help him comprehend and fulfill his fortune as a man. If his dad is not available to offer a role model how to be a good man, you must discover role models for him.
A boy needs a mom who can show him how to manage his temper. Specifically mothers need to show their young children different techniques for remembering and listening to opinions of others. When mothers of young children set constant boundaries with their son at an early age, they help him create self-control. It is very helpful for mothers of young children to motivate their kids to use all of their feelings. Community gives a clear message to young children that they should not cry or feel terrified.
Here is more information about parents who are raising sons:
Dr. William Pollack, the author of Real Boys and Real Boys’ Voices. Contact Dr. Pollack at 671-969-1247 e-mail: [email protected]. To book Dr. Pollack for a speaking appointment, contact Nancy Eisenstein at the American Program Bureau at 800-225-4575 extension 1616, [email protected]. You can also visit their website at
For suggestions on raising your son to be accountable, thoughtful and respectful man, visit http://www.allaboutparenting.org
For more information about parenting boys and several issues that parents face, visit Parenting Boys at http://www.parenting-boys.com or you may contact them via e-mail using this link http://www.parenting-boys.com/Contact-Form.html
For trusted online resource that will help you become equipped with information about your child’s development that will help you understand what it’s like and for expert advice on the latest parenting issues, visit PBS parents at http://www.pbs.org/parents/raisingboys/ and also discover how to help your boy feel confident, succeed in school, and grow up resilient and responsible. You may contact them through e-mail at http://www.pbs.org/parents/contact/
The birth rate of children born out of wedlock is soaring uncontrollably. Much of the rise in out of wedlock births has transpired among parents who are dwelling together but are still not married. These types of agreements have a tendency to be less secure compared to marriages, according to the results of some studies.Apparently, this phenomenon does not only occur in the United States. Recent reports show that unmarried births are also increasing in much of the developing countries such as in Iceland where sixty-six percent of children are delivered by unmarried mothers and in Sweden, fifty-five percent.
Specialists say the increases in the United States of America are of much greater worry for the reason that partners in several other countries have a tendency to be a lot more stable and government assistance for the children is usually higher. Youngsters born out of wedlock in the United States are inclined to have poorer health and academic opportunities compared to those who are born to married women.
Theoretically marriage strengthens the monetary and emotional ties involving children and parents. But considering that familial discrepanciesis generally detrimental to children, they may be much better off with mothers who never marry than with those who do but the union is eventually ruined. And so, Single mothers juggle problems 24/7 and it will ultimately have an effect on how she views herself and other people. Most single mothers loose their self-esteem and self-respect because of the challenges bought by raising a family.Self-respect is having appreciation, pride and assurance in you. You have to have a good amount of respect for yourself to obtain the respect from others.
Theoretical Behavior of Children Born Out of Wed-Lock
According to some studies, more than fifty percent of the children born to women under thirty were children out of wedlock. Based on a number of researches, the more educated a woman is, the more likely she is to marry before having any children. Having children outside of wedlock is a pattern that is most powerfully influencing young adults who are currently at a financial drawback. This indicates that its effect is seriously tangled within a variety of other complications. If we go further this direction, a lot more single mothers will discover themselves and their kids existing without the stableness and stability that allows them to develop a content family life.
Un-Wed Mothers Seeking for Help
When a single mother discovers that the father of her child is not equipped to assist her and the child then she can approach the Child Welfare Society, which has offices all over the country. Or they can also approach the local magistrate’s court maintenance officer for support. More information about the USA’s Social Welfare can be found through this link (http://www.welfareinfo.org/). Additional details about child support can be seen in the given website (http://www.usa.gov/Topics/Parents-Support.shtml).
Effects on the Single Mother
Single mothers juggle problems 24/7 and it will ultimately have an effect on how she views herself and other people. Most single mothers loose their self-esteem and self-respect because of the challenges bought by raising a family.Self-respect is having appreciation, pride and assurance in you. You have to have a good amount of respect for yourself to obtain the respect from others.A woman’s self-respect, particularly single moms, is a very important element of her ability to overcome physical and emotional pressure. There is an apparent relationship concerning decreased self-esteem and the deterioration of health connected to stress.
Self-respect is impossible without self-confidence. If you have minimal self-respect, your self confidence is most likely to suffer as well. Nowadays, we have to be more knowledgeable in getting a balanced amount of self-respect so we can feel great about our own selves and produce a much more optimistic perspective that can support in getting through the problems in life.
Un-Wed Mothers: Be Strong for Your Children
Face your fears and you have to keep in mind that fear is often based on wrong interpretation on situations. We usually find unfavorable and unhelpful patterns in our life centered on one or two experiences. A more beneficial practice is not taking your thoughts too severely.Recognize that failing is not the end of the world. The key here is to look at disappointment from being something that makes you feel bad to something helpful and significant for the development of your self confidence and self respect.
However, before gaining self respect, you should improve your self esteem first. Single moms will always strive to get the best for their kids and so there are a wide range of agencies that can assist them do just that. Follow this link for supplemental details (http://www.familyandhome.org).
Though a divorce can go smoothly depending on certain factors, but it cannot be denied that there are severe emotional effects of separation on children. Just as there are a lot of divorce cases in the United States alone, there are also a considerable number of children who are suffering from various mental effects brought about by the separation.
Just what is the separation doing to your children’s attitude and outlook on life? Listed below are several manifestations of children’s reaction towards their parent’s divorce and how you could lessen their effects. Some may be more prominent in certain age groups than other and they are merely potential effects, it cannot be denied that you have a lot of responsibility in making sure that they do not seriously affect your children’s mental wellbeing.
Loneliness, Rejection and Guilt
When their parents decide to end the marriage, the first thing that children miss is the intimacy that they usually get from either one of the parents. They also miss the comfort and parenting that the absentee parent gives them. Their parents may also become so engrossed in the divorce process that they neglect their children’s needs. This results in the children withdrawing from their usual playmates and peers, and they may even seek other forms of intimacy especially if they are older.
Another effect that children feel is rejection. They feel that they are unloved by the parent who moved away. This may seem to make no sense, but bear in mind that children, especially little ones, feel that they are the center of their parent’s universe. When the other parent leaves, they may feel unloved. Older children can also become afraid of making friends and intimate relationships for the fear of becoming rejected.
A worse effect is when children feel that they are the main reason why everything fell apart for their children. They may think that they said a word, did something or just what they are that caused their parents to argue. This feeling of deep shame causes a very low self-esteem that causes the children to become insecure and afraid of the future once they grow older. This low esteem and insecurity contributes to very low performance especially in school.
Stress, Anger and Depression
There are also other mental effects that children feel that border on the depressive to the self-destructive. Children may feel that they have to cope with the intense pressure of something that is already stressful enough. With the divorce, they may feel that they have to “grow up” quickly and assume responsibilities that their absentee parents should do. With their eagerness to help out their children, they may hide their stress but it may leak out from cracks if they are not relieved of it.
There are some children, however, who do not fully understand the scope of the issue and this may manifest in undesirable ways. Anger is one such emotion and this is very observable in older children and teenagers. This is even more pronounced when the family has no history of conflicts. Children may resent their parents for pulling the plug out of a relationship that seemingly has no problems. This makes them lash out at others (their parents included) and resort to escapist activities. As one of the more destructive and volatile emotional effects of separation on children, anger causes children to behave rashly and recklessly and this does not always end in good results.
On the other hand, depression is a more advanced feeling that springs up from such emotions like loneliness and rejection. This is tell-tale signal that the children are not getting the emotional support that they need. If not corrected, depression can cause the children’s self-esteem plunge to an all time low and may resort to alarming behaviors once they reach their teenage years. Such behaviors include pessimism, extreme introversion, and worse, suicidal tendencies.
Help Your Children
Though the marriage is over and done with, you and your partner cans still do a lot to help your children go through the divorce process. You must first realize that it is not the divorce per se that caused their reactions, it is the conflict. It is recommended that you end hostilities with your former partner and at least engage in a civil, if not friendly, relationship. This means that you refrain from badmouthing your former partner in front of the children. If civilities between you and your ex are not possible as of now, refrain from any contact with them with the children especially if this ends in screaming, threats and physical confrontations.
There is also the need to let your children understand that the marriage is over but you must drive the point that they are not to blame for it. Never underestimate their maturity when it comes to this issue and be open about them when it comes to divorce, so never beat around the bush and allow them to ask questions in open and respond to it accordingly.
If you are having difficulties in helping your children you can always seek the help of other people and organizations. Kids’ Turn is an organization that helps children cope with separations and help them understand the finer details of divorce in an age-friendly manner. They also provide an opportunity to discuss their thoughts and feelings and to show that they need not bear their problems alone.
To register, you only need to visit their website at www.kidsturn.org to fill out their parent consent form. Once complete, the child can then engage in several fun and therapeutic activities that will help them through their parent’s divorce. They can also help you on how to deal with you children’s questions about the divorce effectively. Once your child has completed the course, it is certain that they can cope up with the divorce better and lessen the effects of even the most serious emotional effects of separation on children.
Losing a husband is very tough on a woman. This influences every aspect of her life and continues to do so until she lets the complicated process of grieving take place. Dealing with women who lost a husband needs an in depth understanding of the grieving process. These women experience a variety of feelings after a death of a husband and it includes depression. It is important to determine whether this feeling is just a component of the bereavement process or a problem that now needs professional help.
What is Depression?
Depression is a feeling of extreme sadness. On minimal levels, it’s completely normal. It is a natural reaction when we hear sad news, lose a favorite object, or even after a loss of a special person. However, it becomes a problem when it impairs your ability to work and focus. Severe depression can alter your thought process, making you unable to make sound decisions and choices. It can also lower your energy and affect your daily activities. You are unmotivated to eat, sleep, and take care of your body. The people that surround you are affected as well. If left untreated, depression can lead to a number of complications and even death.
How to determine if you are depressed?
Manifestations of depression are unique among individuals. Each person suffers a different degree of sadness and grief. It includes changes in the body, thoughts, emotions and behavior. The clinical signs and symptoms include the following:
- Extreme sadness and unhappiness
- Frequent and uncontrollable crying, usually at night before going to bed, and in the morning after waking up, sometimes with no reason
- Low energy, easily fatigued and feeling of tiredness even after doing a minimal task
- Intense feelings of irritation and frustration over simple matters, outbursts are common
- Frequent feeling of meaninglessness and guilt, blaming self when things go wrong
- Ideations of death, dying or suicide
- Becomes restless and agitated most of the time
- Troubles with thinking, focusing, decision-making and remembering things
- Sluggish movement and speech
- Decreased libido or sexual drive
- Losses interest in activities that gives pleasure in the past
- Changes in appetite. Most people experience a decrease in appetite and weight loss. While some have cravings and gains weight
- Symptoms of physical problems with no explanation. This is usually caused by anxiety and stress
- Changes in sleeping patterns. Some have difficulties falling asleep, while others sleep all the time
There are some cases of depression in which a person exhibits mania. This is common with people who are in denial. In severe cases, people with depression may develop changes in thought processes. They are able to see delusions and hallucinations. These instances require immediate care and treatment.
When to seek help?
If you are depressed, make arrangements to see your doctor as soon as possible. Symptoms of depression may not resolve on its own, and it can get worse if left without treatment. Depression can lead to severe physical and mental problems if untreated. It can also affect other areas of your life such as your relationships with family and friends. At worst, it can lead to suicide and death.
What are other options to deal with depression?
If you are hesitant to seek medical help, there are other options in dealing with your depression. The following are examples.
Develop supportive relationships
Turning to your friends and family plays a big role in coping with your situation. When you are having a depression, reaching out may prove to be difficult. And at times, you’d feel too exhausted to talk, ashamed of your situation or being guilty for disregarding the relationship. Remember that this is just your depression speaking. And isolation can only worsen your feelings of sadness. So, tell yourself that your family and friends care for you and are there to help you overcome this struggle. You can create a great support system by putting your trust in your loved ones. Exert effort in keeping up with the happenings around you, even if you are not up to it. Aside from them, you can join support groups in your community or online. Being with other people will significantly decrease your feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Verbalize your feelings
Talk to people about your emotions and thoughts. If you are uncomfortable talking about it, try writing in a journal or diary. Verbalization is a way to release tension and negative energies.
Refrain from negative thoughts
Depression changes how you perceive everything including how you see yourself, the events in your life and the future. It causes a person to think negatively. Fighting negative thought can help with you depression. Don’t be too hard with yourself. Know that you have limitations. So don’t beat yourself up if you are unable to meet expectations. On the other hand, being positive is infectious, so socialize with people who thinks positively.
Take care of yourself
To overcome depression, one must take care of his body. First, eat a balanced meal. If you have a low appetite, choose foods that you like. Eat them at small, frequent feedings. This supplies you with enough energy to go about your day. Then, do exercise regularly. Take a walk or jog outside, do aerobics or cardio. If you don’t like exercising, you can join dance classes. Not only can you meet new people, but it keeps you fit, too. Lastly, have enough rest. Exercising is okay, but too much can do more damage than good. Have at least 6-8 hours of sleep every day.
Where can I get help?
The United States National Suicide & Crisis Hotlines offer a wide-range of support for people who are in crisis and are at risk for suicide. Contact them at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) and 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) or visit them http://www.suicidehotlines.com/
For a list of available support groups all over the United States, visit http://www.iambackfromthebrink.com/us.html
How does a single mother develop emotional instability?
Most single mothers live in a pattern. They wake up, go to work, come home, care for her kids, and sleep. Sometimes, they don’t sleep at all. This leaves them exhausted to the point that they neglect their own needs. In addition, financial stress contributes in developing emotional problems. A single mom constantly worries about money. She frequently encounters the dilemma of paying her children’s tuition fees, rent, taxes, house bills, and buying basic needs of the family such as food and clothing. Single mothers who experienced losses are also prone to developing emotional instability. The abandonment or death of a husband causes changes on her perception and behavior. These women experience interchanging feelings of loneliness, depression, anger, guilt, shame and other negativities. And if these are left unnoticed can lead to serious problems.
Emotional Instability and Single Moms
Single mothers are faced with a lot of stresses. They are constantly introduced with increasing pressures of being a single parent. The immense responsibility of providing for her children alone is enough to compromise her emotions. However, there are still many factors contributing to the emotional instability of these mothers.
What are the effective ways to manage emotions and instability?
Managing your emotions is a challenge especially with the constant stress and pressure that you experience. The following are simple ways to manage your emotions.
- Acknowledge your emotions – Emotions are normal in a human being. Being a single mother does not necessary require you to be emotionally strong all the time. Know what you are feeling and accept these emotions. Keeping your feelings bottled up inside you only adds to the stress that you are experiencing. And ignoring it will just cause more damage than good. Do not be afraid to admit that you feel sad, lonely, or angry. Having these emotions is not something to be ashamed of. And, they do not mean that you are, in any way, weak. You are allowed to feel these things like any other person.
- Identify factors leading to these emotions – After you have acknowledged your feelings, take a breather and contemplate over these feelings. What leads you to feel these emotions? Identifying the causes is essential in handling your emotions. This requires introspection which involves communicating with yourself. With this, you can develop an effective way to control and prevent the reoccurrence of these unstable emotions.
- Take steps in dealing with these emotions – There are many ways in dealing with your emotions. You can do it yourself or with the help of others. One method is with the use of meditation. Take at least 30 minutes alone in a quiet room or area. You can use your own room or the garden as long as you feel at peace. Listen to music and do breathing exercises. Doing so helps in the improvement of your body’s circulation. It also relaxes your mind and your body. If you find it difficult to manage these feelings alone, ask for help from your friends and family. Talk to them about what you are feeling. Don’t be ashamed of letting them see your tears or frustration. Talking relieves you from your pent up emotions and eases the stress that you are feeling. Always remember that they are there to offer their support and help you with these challenges.
- Stay healthy – Having a healthy body affects how you handle stresses in your life. First, eat a balanced meal and avoid skipping them at all cost. Foods are your sources of energy. Without enough energy, you are unable to perform tasks effectively. Also strengthen your body. Exercise in a regular basis. Spend at least 30 minutes a day exercising. Having a strong body allows you to handle the strains in your life. If you are too busy to do actual exercising, you can do daily activities that can somehow keep your body fit. For example, use the stairs instead of the elevators at work. If possible, use a bicycle instead of your car when going to the workplace. These activities however are not substitutes for a proper exercise. In addition, having enough sleep is imperative. Most mothers omit sleep because they don’t have enough time for everything else. If you are tired, take a break and sleep. Don’t push yourself. Recognize your limits and work around it. Go out and have fun. Don’t stay cooped under the four corners of your house. Explore your surroundings and appreciate those around you. Once you get back to your home, you’d feel brand new.
How to determine that you have emotional instability?
Signs and symptoms vary from one person to another. The following are the common manifestations.
- Low self-esteem
- Suspicious and distrustful
- Feeling insane
- Frequent worrying
- Negative emotions such as depression, anger, and loneliness
- Compulsive behavior
- Regrettable outbursts
- Violent behavior
- Socially inappropriate behavior
- Irritable and impatient
- Hostile thoughts
- Mood swings
- Feeling out of control
Single moms may also experience physical manifestations such as pain, weakness, shakiness, numbness, and itching. It’s usually a result of emotional distress.
Seek professional help if needed
If you find it difficult to handle these emotions on your own, it is beneficial to seek further help, whether it is from a professional or from support groups. The following are hotlines and websites in the United States that you can visit.
Support Groups for Single Mothers
- For more information on available support centers throughout the US, visit www.singlemothers.org
National Support Helpline
- Contact them at 1-855- 4A PARENT (1-855-427-2736)
- Or visit www.nationalparenthelpline.org for more details.
Financial Assistance Hotlines
- Child-Support Enforcement Hotline – (877) 696-6775
- Child-Care Subsidy Hotline – (800) 424-2246
- Mortgage Payment Assistance – (800) 750-8956
- Debt Relief Hotline – (800) 291-1042
- Free Bankruptcy Advice (800) 379-0985
- Or visit www.eap.partners.org for more information
Children without fathers, even those whose fathers died, would ultimately question why they do not have one, or, why their fathers have left them. Are they (the children) hated or unwanted? They will also blame themselves, and, at some point, blame the mothers for such predicament. At this point of time, mothers should exercise utmost patience. Children will have a hard time understanding the situation, and thus, would need to be explained over and over again. In explaining the situation, mothers should be aware of how much and what kind of information can the children understand at that time. Always, to avoid being hated in the future, mothers should tell the truth to their children at the right age. Lying should be avoided. Also, in cases of divorce, or the like, mothers should avoid neglecting their health as children would feel dispirited and would likely follow suit. Aside from patience, attention, and constant reassurance, should also be practiced. It is understandable that the mothers need to work in order to provide for her children; however, this does not mean she should neglect them. It is important to listen to their happy tales, sorrowful moments, confusions, and frustrations. It is important for children to know that someone is there for him/her. Also, single mothers should not wait for children to speak up, because usually, when children speak up, they have already reached the breaking point and emotions are too tangled with each other that it would be hard to address them. Encourage them to show and speak their real emotions and thoughts. This way, you can help them straighten up some points while knowing how they have been and what they are doing.
On Your Own: Being Both A Mother And A Father To Her Children
Although single parenthood, usually caused by having the spouse work on a different country, annulment, legal separation, or divorce, is common nowadays for both genders, it is usually, in cases of marriage separation, the mother who gets the custody of the children, unless the husband has substantial ability to take care of the children, and, the mother has no capacity to provide. Being a single mother is no easy feat. She will have to be both a mother and father, thus, will have to balance her child rearing strategy. Bear in mind that having both the mother and father raising the children provides the opportunity for children to see both sides of the coin in life.
The Advantages of Married Parents from Single Mothers
Although there can be positive perks of being a single mother – not having to worry about a cheating husband, having the freedom for certain aspects, most decisions will be swift, and so on – children, on the other hand, will be the ones suffering. Remember, children will need to have a secure and loving environment in order to grow into an effective adult functioning well in the society. That is, according to Abraham Maslow’s theory on the Hierarchy of Needs. Since, single mothers are the full-time bread winners, as well, it can be safely said that they will not have enough time to be with their children as they grow, unlike full-time or part-time housewives. Furthermore, their fathers are there as well to help keep an eye and raise the children. Thus, single mothers will not be able to see the problems that the children could have, or, problems that they are afraid to open and discuss. Most often than not, they will turn into the wrong sort of crowd, or, in certain wrong activities and hobbies. Being a single mother is tiresome and can give the wrong impression to people. For example, when a mother gets stuck in traffic and gets late fetching her child, most probably, the teacher or other parents will agree that she had been somewhere inconspicuous. Sometimes, new acquaintances will assume that single mothers are out to steal their husbands, which is an unfair type of stereotyping. Single mothers are, also, frequently questioned by their ability to raise their children properly. Before things get worse, certain methods and ways can be applied in order to minimize, if not stop, the wrong way of life that the children could follow.
Share Your Burdens and Thoughts
Sometimes, being a parent can be very troublesome and wearisome, especially if you are a single parent. Often times, the family and friends can no longer help in resolving certain family issues; these are times in which professional help should be considered. The Green Bay Diocese is an organization ready to help single parents in need of advice and support. They can be contacted at 920-272-8234, or, toll free: 1-877-500-3580 ext. 8234. This organization will help regardless of race, religious background, nationality, and even, paying capacity.
When prevention was not done on time, Boys Town National HotlineSMcan help address issues such as emotional abuse, chemical dependency, parenting troubles, sexual abuse, school issues, depression, suicide prevention, and much more. They have hotlines available 24 hours every day – 1-800-448-3000 and 1-800-448-1833. The latter is directed to counselors who speak Spanish and for translation services, of more than 140 languages. There is also a TDD line which allows counselors communicate with deaf and speech-impaired callers. As of now, teens can chat with other teens and counselors about their problems online through www.yourlifeyourvoice.org.
The National Parent Helpline, operated by Parents Anonymous® Inc., could be contacted at 1-855-427-2736, or, at their website www.nationalparenthelpline.org.General inquiries can be sent at [email protected],and, media inquiries can be sent at [email protected] latter e-mail address is for Meryl Levine, the vice president of special initiatives. The National Parent Helpline® promotes parental resilience, which strengthens the ability of parents to cope with the different challenges of parenting; social connections, creates emotional and concrete assistance from family, friends, neighbors, and the community; knowledge on parenting and child development, information and tips on raising children; financial security and support; and, fostering children’s ability and communicate verbally and emotionally to people.
Raising a child as a single parent is a very challenging thing to do. This is because a single parent has to perform the function of a guardian, baby-sitter and a teacher.
A woman’s self-esteem, especially single mothers, is a vital aspect of her capability to conquer physical and emotional tension. There is a connection involving reduced self-esteem and degeneration of health with regard to stress. Women who have a greater self-esteem typically have significantly less stress because they have the tendency to look at stressful situations in life as typical and little problems that they can easily conquer. It is also essential to know that a woman with low self-esteem will encounter higher levels of depression and react a lot more detrimentally to emotional and physical stress.
First Steps in Overcoming Low Self-esteem
To assist single mothers in increasing their self confidence a transformation in the way you look at your own selves and the community is critical. Exercising patience is important. First, acknowledge your strong points as well as your weak points. Look at things in a positive light and concentrate on the aspect of your life that you have been productive in. Do not dwell so much on the things that you failed to do.
Recognizing constructive criticism from other people is usually a challenging issue to do deal with, most especially for a single mother dealing with low self-esteem. Looking at the criticism from others should be taken for what it really is. Taking criticism from other individuals is a sure way to strengthen your confidence and enhance your entire image.For a couple of weeks of positive thinking, a lot of single mothers will find their self confidence to be greatly improved and discover that the day-to-day physical and emotional stress is usually reduced.
In most instances, connecting with other women with low self esteem can really guide you to overlook your own issues. By talking to other women, you can also help them with their problems and will ultimately help you in solving yours. In getting together with other people, you should attempt to actually understand something from their situations. You should understand just how much other people battle with self esteem problems and just how much assistance is accessible for you. In doing this, there will now be a greater possibility that you can move on from your low self-esteem issues and get started on the road leading towards a joyful and a more productive life.
The Causes of Low Self-esteem
Self hate is one of the major contributors to low self-esteem. It is when you loath your thoughts and actions. It is classified by emotions of rage and disappointment about who you are and the lack of ability to forgive yourself for the smallest of errors. This can change by altering your inner dialogue. Consciously make yourself repeat optimistic reactions for each and every unfavorable idea you may have.
If you have negative body image then it is more likely that you also suffer from low self-esteem. This is the most common problem for most single mothers. It will have an impact on anything from how you are with relationships to how you carry yourself at your job. Stop comparing yourself to other people because it only leads to low self-esteem. Recognize that every person is unique and keep in mind where your strong points are. Also, remember to keep yourself healthy. A balanced diet and regular work out will lead to the discharge of endorphins, the body’s feel-good hormones.
All of us question our capability in particular parts of our lives, but a deep-rooted feeling of worthlessness occurs when you believe that for some reason you are not as important as others. Avoid this by accepting that we all appear with our own distinctive skills and that we have to be proud of to feel we are valuable. It is okay to think highly of others but it is unreasonable to convert this as indicating they are superior to you. Appreciate others people’s characteristics, but remember to never underestimate yourself.
Tips for Single Moms who are looking for Work
Single mothers devote all their time raising their children that their social skills become rusty and they find it hard to find a job that will improve their lifestyle. Take into consideration of having part-time job as a training system for you to become familiar to employment. A significant amount of single mothers who has part-time jobs return to full-time employment within three months.
This will present a chance to practice your social skills and gives you discipline and self confidence. It will also enable you to assess as to how much pressure you can take. You can maximize the possibility of keeping yourself in a full-time employment by just having a part-time job for a number of months.
Single mothers will always want the best for their children and so there are a number of organizations that can help them do just that. Follow this link for additional information (http://www.familyandhome.org).